Discussion in 'The NAAFI Bar' started by B_AND_T, Apr 16, 2009.

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  1. B_AND_T

    B_AND_T LE Book Reviewer

    I have just spent the afternoon doing the perfect Dad thing of being nice to wife, kids and a token guest.

    I now realise I can't be nice to people and would rather die than be happy with people.

    Which leads me on to, My perfect death!

    5 Litres of good Scrumpy, the Saturdays doing a Lezzer session and a quick heartattack.

  2. Having a can of Stella poured down my neck whilst been strangled between the thighs of a lovely young lady, whilst masturbating furiously at the same time.
  3. yeah, I was nice to the missus once. Overated TBH.
  4. In the bath............ at Twickenham Rugby ground, with a bunch of dirty rugby players!
  5. B_AND_T

    B_AND_T LE Book Reviewer

    1 child try 5 of the bleeders, although not in a Jackson type of way.
  6. Shot dead at age 90 by a jealous husband
  7. I used to be a nice person, or so I'm told, but now I just don't think it's worth it, and am endevouring to become a grumpy hermit, whilst sporadically insulting people I've never met on the internet.

    Perfect death? Oh anything, just hurry up about it.
  8. Depends on the mood. A thrill just before death appeals. Jumping into Niagra Falls or a fight with a lion. Both would be over pretty quickly.
  9. 6 x Viagra, 1 x hot chick sat on the face, 1 x massive heart attack then watch the undertaker try and put the lid on my coffin. I would laugh all the way to the other side.
  10. The Sister in Law and her husband arrived on Monday, they left today. Luckily I had planned to work nights this week, tonight being the last night. I leave the house around 1830hrs, get home around 0700hrs have a beer and go to bed. I have managed to pass conversation with the SiL and hubby for a total of less than 5 mins. Bonus.

    Tomorrow my Mother, Sister, and her 2 screaming kids arrive until Sunday - luckily I have been able to arrange to work Saturday in Halifax all day, and Sunday in Dunfermline, all day. Luckily my mum and sister think I am a miserable cnut anyway, so I shouldn't have to speak with them.

    My perfect death?

    Chicken kebab washed down with a couple of bottles of Warsteiner then being suffocated by Claudia Winkelman sitting on my face until I pass, the face sitting to last until I get tongue cramp.
  11. A day on the piss with my mates, followed by a kebab (no fcuking salad), then home to 3 or 4 stunning looking (super model looks, but no anorexic birds), disgustingly, filthy minded, bi-sexual women for a night of debauched sex (ok, I'll have mucked in my pants as soon as they snog each other), then die in my sleep.

    Edited for my mong spelling.
  12. Just drown me in a swimming pool filled with warm blancmange and the Dagenham Girl Pipers.

  13. Thank fuck I'm working in Iran and dont have to deal with any of that crap - last time I went to a family meeting I had to ref 'er indoors and her brother in a fight to the death. He was more handbaggy than 'er indoors so she won. Never heard the fu cking last of it. anyway where was I? Oh yeah, death...... desert island, unlimited supply of fresh asian wimmin (none with coc ks) every day, unlimited red wine and malt whisky and drink and fu ck myself to death. Hope it takes ages.
  14. I'd rather drown in the rising tide of pornography.
  15. See you on May 2nd then :D