Death Row

#1
Reading a book about Death Row executions in the state of Texas, which details the last meals and last words of those about to die by lethal injection, and was amused to find that one particular inmate listed DIET Coke amongst his last meal items!! :? What the fcuk would he be watching the calories for? The long walk to the chamber??

So Arrsers, your last meal request please, before a cocktail of Electric Soup is injected into your veins?
 
#3
I'd try that Japanese blowfish - the one where if they f*ck it up you croak anyway.

Some poor sod who wasn't with the program (apparently) said that he would leave his pudding "For later", and had to be persuaded that it would be a smart move to tuck in.
 
#4
It's a bad version, but I'd like a banana please:

There once was this guy who worked for the Railroad as a conductor. Let's say his name was Joe. Well, Joe was walking through the train, en route, collecting tickets from the passengers. He comes to car 12, booth 3. In it was a man.

So, he asked him for his ticket: "Excuse me sir, do have your ticket?"

"Oh, I am soooo sorry, I dropped it out the window by accident," he replied.

"Sorry sir, can't have any passengers without tickets." He grabbed him by the scruff of the neck and threw him out of the train. Well, he landed on the tracks and was run over by the train. Naturally, the conductor was arrested and thrown in jail. He was convicted of murder before a jury of his peers, and sentenced to death by electrocution.

The day of his execution came up, and he was asked what he would like for his last meal. He asks for a banana. They gave it to him, he ate it, received his last rites, and was escorted to the chair. The executioner strapped him in, hooked everything up. Last, he threw the big switch once, and nothing happened. So, he did it again, and nothing happened. Well, by law the guy was legally dead, so they had to release him.

Oddly enough, the guy got a job on another railroad, as a conductor! One day, he was gathering tickets, and came to a booth with a little boy.

"Young man, do you have your ticket?", asked the conductor.

"A-a-a, I'm sorry, I ate it by mistake..", said the little boy.

And.. the same thing happened -- the boy was thrown off the train and killed. The guy was arrested, sentenced to death by electrocution. It came to him last day. The death row guard asked him what he would like for his meal. He asked for banana again. He ate it, and a priest gave him last rites.

He was escorted to the death chamber. This time, though, they were smart.

They washed his hands to get rid of any banana slime, they washed up the chair. Next, they placed him the chair, and hooked him up. The switch-puller pulled the switch once, and nothing happened. The switch-puller pulled the switch twice, and nothing happened, not even a single hair raising on the guy's chest.

Well, as the law says, they had to let him go...

Even more amazingly, he got a job on yet another railroad.

This time it was a rabbi. Same old stuff. Rabbi had no ticket (he forgot to buy it). Guy threw him off the train, rabbi died. Guy was arrested, convicted, sentenced to death by electrocution.

When the guard asked him what he would like for a last meal, he asked for a banana. He ate it, received last rites, and was escorted to the chamber.

However, this time the officials where going to get it right! They scrubbed his body with a brillo pad. They scrubbed the chair with steel wool. They tried the chair on a few other prisoners...

Okay, they strapped him in, and threw the switch once, nothing happened. Threw the switch a second time, nothing happened. At this point the guy was legally dead, etc, etc.

But, before the guy could leave, the executioner, extremely frustrated (he'd seen this same guy three times already). asked, "What is it with the banana!"

The guy replied, "I just like bananas."

So, the executioner screamed, "THEN HOW COME YOU DON'T DIE!!!!!"

"I dunno," replied the guy, "I guess I'm just not a very good conductor."
 

Mongo

MIA
Kit Reviewer
#7
It was worth it though, completely didnt see it coming.


For my last meal, I'd probably have a 20 ounce steak, with peppercorn sauce and chips, and beer-battered onion rings..
 
#10
You wouldn't need to take the laxo's as your sphincter would let go anyway.

I'd have

Chicken Tikka Pathia, Mushroom Rice, Bombay Aloo and a Stuffed Paratha.

followed by a half a Nando's chicken ( extra hot)

followed by a Gyros Teller mit extra Tzatziki.

pudding consisting of profiteroles

cheese board complete to CES including Austrian Smoked and Stilton.

Coffee and a large Cointreau.

After Eight.

And by fcuk, I'd get it all down....
 
#11
I would order a cocktail of Meatballs, cabbage Bovril and eggybread and a Viagra

That way when they begin to fry me and my asshole gives way they never forget the stench as they carry me away and the totem pole sticking up from my execution trousers.

On my unmarked grave I want the grass and soil to be soaked in the vomit of the men that planted me.
 

Command_doh

LE
Book Reviewer
#16
Snake surprise, sheep-eye soup and chilled monkey brains, all authentically collected from India. And 2 litres of antifreeze to wash it down with.
 

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