Death does it hold any fears?

I’ve been thinking about death for the last few months now.

I have a wife that hates me along with a daughter that has had her mind poisoned against me along with my son. The only person in the world that does not hate me is my old dear of a mother and she is on the way out.

I’m not a well man and should have kicked work into the long grass years ago. How ever I flogged my self almost to death to pay of the mortgage and other bits and bobs so the wife would not have to worry etc etc.

So thoughts of death have motivated me and it’s kept me going as I do not want to stuff it but now I found out what the true side of my family I find I have waisted my time and just want to die. I do not have the balls to top my self I’ve often been tempted just so the evil cow of a wife would get a tablet from the insurance but I’m stopped doing as I still care for her deep down.

So I’ve given up on my medication stopped and have decided to let nature take its course there is a bonus if there is a heaven or hell that I’ll meet up with the some of the lads I have served with when I arrive at the pearly gates and I’ll be able to do a bit of debt collecting.

So death most definitely does not bring any fear to me.
 
View attachment 421008During the backlash of this picture the tikker was chemically stopped (7th time) instead of the usual re boot I went into full arrest flopping around on the trauma table like a fish . So this is it right now then. Felt a little ripped off at 52. Remembered both my parents who have seen me on life support previously are still alive. And the wife. The thought of my mum being told about it nearly broke me. Just before zap pads were being applied I settled into sinus @160bpm. That was a long 20 seconds. Sat at that for 2 hrs then click 59 normal jogging. Got to outlive the folks it's just manners. Certainly re aligned my chakra. Yes I was scared. It's not the destination but the last bit of the journey that worries me. Size 11 BTW.
Pfft.

You should worry more about only having one chakra.
 

Whining Civvy

Old-Salt
I’ve been thinking about death for the last few months now.

I have a wife that hates me along with a daughter that has had her mind poisoned against me along with my son. The only person in the world that does not hate me is my old dear of a mother and she is on the way out.

I’m not a well man and should have kicked work into the long grass years ago. How ever I flogged my self almost to death to pay of the mortgage and other bits and bobs so the wife would not have to worry etc etc.

So thoughts of death have motivated me and it’s kept me going as I do not want to stuff it but now I found out what the true side of my family I find I have waisted my time and just want to die. I do not have the balls to top my self I’ve often been tempted just so the evil cow of a wife would get a tablet from the insurance but I’m stopped doing as I still care for her deep down.

So I’ve given up on my medication stopped and have decided to let nature take its course there is a bonus if there is a heaven or hell that I’ll meet up with the some of the lads I have served with when I arrive at the pearly gates and I’ll be able to do a bit of debt collecting.

So death most definitely does not bring any fear to me.
Not really my place to say, but you need to get some help mate. That's not the right path to be on.
 
I’ve been thinking about death for the last few months now.

I have a wife that hates me along with a daughter that has had her mind poisoned against me along with my son. The only person in the world that does not hate me is my old dear of a mother and she is on the way out.

I’m not a well man and should have kicked work into the long grass years ago. How ever I flogged my self almost to death to pay of the mortgage and other bits and bobs so the wife would not have to worry etc etc.

So thoughts of death have motivated me and it’s kept me going as I do not want to stuff it but now I found out what the true side of my family I find I have waisted my time and just want to die. I do not have the balls to top my self I’ve often been tempted just so the evil cow of a wife would get a tablet from the insurance but I’m stopped doing as I still care for her deep down.

So I’ve given up on my medication stopped and have decided to let nature take its course there is a bonus if there is a heaven or hell that I’ll meet up with the some of the lads I have served with when I arrive at the pearly gates and I’ll be able to do a bit of debt collecting.

So death most definitely does not bring any fear to me.
Bollocks to that. Sounds like it's time to look after number one. Nothing energetic, just get out of the house more if you can. You might take a look at the depression threads in the Health and Fitness forum:

https://www.arrse.co.uk/community/threads/depression-and-other-mental-health-issues.195291/

https://www.arrse.co.uk/community/threads/your-methods-to-cope-withdepression.295436/

You have nothing to lose and everything to gain by seeking a bit of support and a listening ear:

Veterans: NHS mental health services

Get help

:thumright:
 
I had crash in a small aircraft once, Feb 26th 2000, 6.10 pm. I was coming into land, beautiful calm evening, and the clouds decided to move in front of the sun and it went from loads of daylight to next to none in a few seconds, so I lost sight of the runway, drifted to the right and promptly hit a big tree, hard, at about 40 feet above the ground, just a few seconds from touchdown. With a second or two to go to the unavoidable impact, I drew my feet back, closed my eyes, crossed my hands over my chest and said, "Jesus!..." Everything went black and loud as the right wing was torn off and the aircraft, breaking up, passed thru the branches of the tree, turning as it went so that the tail was pointing at the ground. It had a pusher engine and the fuel tanks under the belly (a CFM Shadow).................... After the jolt of the impact with the tree, I remember the falling sensation and the violence and the noises and I thought, as it seemed endless, "how long is this going to take?!" followed by "I hope I dont break my back" followed by the very violent impact with the ground an instant later. What saved me was the tail arriving first, then the main landing gear and engine absorbing the blow and me facing backwards and strapped in tightly. My eyes were clamped shut and the impact knocked me in deepest blackness for what appeared to be a few seconds and I thought, "is this it? It's just black!" and then the tumbling of the aircraft jerked my eyes wide open, in time to see the engine and two fuel tanks break off and pass over my head, spraying fuel everywhere. The canopy was entirely gone and my right arm was flailing outside the cockpit. It tumbled twice more before stopping......for a moment, there was complete silence and then the pain hit me and I roared, a really deep groan from within. I was lying on my right side, with my right arm twisted to my right and my headset cable completely wrapped around me and the cockpit. I managed to wriggle out and crawl away, just in time for a bunch of farm workers and the two owners of the aircraft to reach me. One of them was white-faced and tried to light a cigarette but I left a roar at him that the place was saturated with petrol so he abandoned that idea. I tried standing up but that didnt work very well.
Later, in the hospital, I realised that I hadnt really felt fear until the prospect of being burned in the wreck prompted me to get out. When I realised that I was going to crash, and probably die, I didnt feel fear but went thru the muscle memory reaction of pulling my arms and legs back and tugging on my shoulder straps to tighten them. I dont recall thinking of anyone else or anything else but getting my feet clear of the rudder pedals. The whole thing felt like it took ages but the watchers later told me that it took all of about three seconds to five seconds from impact to rolling to a halt. Later, when being brought to the nearest GP, before reaching hospital, I shook like a shitting dog for about 20 seconds. It wasnt until a few days later that I cried like a baby for about ten minutes, snot and tears and the whole lot and that was it.
I still think about it from time to time and I still laugh at what I thought (or may even have said aloud) as I went through it. "is this it?" I felt a bit cheated.
 
I had crash in a small aircraft once, Feb 26th 2000, 6.10 pm. I was coming into land, beautiful calm evening, and the clouds decided to move in front of the sun and it went from loads of daylight to next to none in a few seconds, so I lost sight of the runway, drifted to the right and promptly hit a big tree, hard, at about 40 feet above the ground, just a few seconds from touchdown. With a second or two to go to the unavoidable impact, I drew my feet back, closed my eyes, crossed my hands over my chest and said, "Jesus!..." Everything went black and loud as the right wing was torn off and the aircraft, breaking up, passed thru the branches of the tree, turning as it went so that the tail was pointing at the ground. It had a pusher engine and the fuel tanks under the belly (a CFM Shadow).................... After the jolt of the impact with the tree, I remember the falling sensation and the violence and the noises and I thought, as it seemed endless, "how long is this going to take?!" followed by "I hope I dont break my back" followed by the very violent impact with the ground an instant later. What saved me was the tail arriving first, then the main landing gear and engine absorbing the blow and me facing backwards and strapped in tightly. My eyes were clamped shut and the impact knocked me in deepest blackness for what appeared to be a few seconds and I thought, "is this it? It's just black!" and then the tumbling of the aircraft jerked my eyes wide open, in time to see the engine and two fuel tanks break off and pass over my head, spraying fuel everywhere. The canopy was entirely gone and my right arm was flailing outside the cockpit. It tumbled twice more before stopping......for a moment, there was complete silence and then the pain hit me and I roared, a really deep groan from within. I was lying on my right side, with my right arm twisted to my right and my headset cable completely wrapped around me and the cockpit. I managed to wriggle out and crawl away, just in time for a bunch of farm workers and the two owners of the aircraft to reach me. One of them was white-faced and tried to light a cigarette but I left a roar at him that the place was saturated with petrol so he abandoned that idea. I tried standing up but that didnt work very well.
Later, in the hospital, I realised that I hadnt really felt fear until the prospect of being burned in the wreck prompted me to get out. When I realised that I was going to crash, and probably die, I didnt feel fear but went thru the muscle memory reaction of pulling my arms and legs back and tugging on my shoulder straps to tighten them. I dont recall thinking of anyone else or anything else but getting my feet clear of the rudder pedals. The whole thing felt like it took ages but the watchers later told me that it took all of about three seconds to five seconds
from impact to rolling to a halt. Later, when being brought to the nearest GP, before reaching hospital, I shook like a shitting dog for about 20 seconds. It wasnt until a few days later that I cried like a baby for about ten minutes, snot and tears and the whole lot and that was it.
I still think about it from time to time and I still laugh at what I thought (or may even have said aloud) as I went through it. "is this it?" I felt a bit cheated.
That was a vivid and well written account but here is a pic just in case.

1570285910821.jpeg
 
That was a vivid and well written account but here is a pic just in case.

View attachment 421048
could have been worse , you could have been in the rear . I blagged a flight once, climb in one side , half out the other , get legs in then slip back inside(well it was for my fat little body)
 
My first flight in a Shadow was in the rear and only because it had the footwell mod otherwise I'd never have got in. Lovely aircraft to fly, a real delight. Some Shadow owners that I know have fitted a fuel tank / baggage bay in th erear cockpit and fly it solo. After my crash, a friend with one gave me his to fly, to get me back on the horse, so to speak. I did one circuit, flew it like it was made of the finest glass, touched down perfectly and then a few minutes waiting until I'd stopped shaking. I'd have one in the morning' still a competitive aircraft in the microlight world.
 
I just want to add to my previous post on this thread that at 64 years of age, I’m now the oldest person in my family.

Logic would possibly dictate that it could well be my turn next.

As such, I’ve declared a complete moratorium on anybody dying in our family for the next twenty five years.

I’ll probably have had more than enough of life by then and will be quite happy to declare the moratorium ended and then I can go and pop my clogs! :)
 
I hate the idea of dying. I really quite enjoy life, I like the ever-changing world: the clouds and the trees and indeed, the birds and the bees. People are mostly okay too.
I’ve seen a lot of dead people and always find it an odd thing- it’s a cliché but it really is as though someone’s left the party.
When I’m out and about I’ve always- since childhood- had a rather odd habit of focusing on a particular leaf or blade of grass and thinking that I’ll never see that thing again. Ever.
I suppose it’s been a lifelong aide memoir of transience and fragility.
I wish I could believe in an afterlife but I have difficulty with it- surely if we’re individually worthy of continuance, so is everything else.
And it always makes me think on Remembrance Sunday when the humanist guy stands up and speaks for those of no faith who nevertheless laid down their lives... with no hope of the hereafter.
 
My first flight in a Shadow was in the rear and only because it had the footwell mod otherwise I'd never have got in. Lovely aircraft to fly, a real delight. Some Shadow owners that I know have fitted a fuel tank / baggage bay in th erear cockpit and fly it solo. After my crash, a friend with one gave me his to fly, to get me back on the horse, so to speak. I did one circuit, flew it like it was made of the finest glass, touched down perfectly and then a few minutes waiting until I'd stopped shaking. I'd have one in the morning' still a competitive aircraft in the microlight world.
on the up side of this bloody morbid site
I slipped into Portmoak gliding centre few weeks ago , to enquire if I would need some sort of medical , should I wish to take up gliding again (I had an aortic valve replacement two years ago in april), and was told that if I can legally still drive a car , I can still fly
Now this was said by one of the pilots, sitting in a closed cafe waiting for the weather to change, and the centre was closed half day, anyone on here shed some more light on this subject
 
on the up side of this bloody morbid site
I slipped into Portmoak gliding centre few weeks ago , to enquire if I would need some sort of medical , should I wish to take up gliding again (I had an aortic valve replacement two years ago in april), and was told that if I can legally still drive a car , I can still fly
Now this was said by one of the pilots, sitting in a closed cafe waiting for the weather to change, and the centre was closed half day, anyone on here shed some more light on this subject
That's about right. I did my gliding scholarship with the ATC in 1995. GP did my medical! I have no binocular vision, and am short_sighted in my right eye. As I only use my left yet have a full field of vision, I was waved through.

I use a lense in my right now, though.
 

Cutaway

LE
Kit Reviewer
It comes to us all and for those of us in our 7th decade (or more) it is ever present.
I just hope when it comes, it is quick. I won’t have to worry about it, but I don’t want those I love having to go through the mill of a long, drawn out death, where everyone feels the pain.
Anyhow, seeing it’s in the NAAFI, fcuk you mate - I’m not ready yet!
View attachment 420557
Not the bloody salmon mousse again!
 
Last edited:

New Posts

Latest Threads

Top