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  1. Dear Wife:

    I'm writing you this letter to tell you that I'm leaving you for
    good. I've been a good man to you for seven years and I have nothing
    for it. These last two weeks have been hell. Your boss called to tell
    you had quit your job today and that was the last straw. Last week,
    came home and didn't even notice that I had gotten a new haircut,
    favorite meal and even wore a brand new pair of silk boxers. You came
    home and ate in two minutes, and went straight to sleep after watching
    your soaps. You don't tell me you love me anymore, and you don't want
    romance anymore or anything. Either you're cheating on me or you don't
    love me anymore, whatever the case is, I'm gone.

    Your EX-Husband

    P.S. Don't try to find me. Your SISTER and I are moving away to
    West Virginia together! Have a great life!

    Dear Ex-Husband -

    Nothing has made my day more than receiving your letter. It's true
    that you and I have been married for seven years, although a good man
    is a
    cry from what you've been. I watch my soaps so much because they
    out your constant whining and griping. Too bad that doesn't work. I
    notice when you got a hair cut last week, the first thing that came to
    mind was "You look just like a girl!" but my mother raised me not to
    anything if you can't say anything nice. And when you cooked my
    favorite meal, you must have gotten me confused with MY SISTER, because
    eating pork seven years ago. I turned away from you when you had those
    new silk boxers on because the price tag was still on them. I prayed
    was a coincidence that my sister had just borrowed fifty dollars from
    that morning ... And your silk boxers were $49.99. After all of this,
    still loved you and felt that we could work it out. So when I
    that I had hit the lotto for ten! million dollars, I quit my job and
    us two tickets to Jamaica.
    But when I got home you were gone. Everything happens for a reason I
    guess. I hope you have the fulfilling life you always wanted.
    My lawyer said that with your letter that you wrote, you won't get a
    from me. So take care.

    Rich and Free!

    P.S. I don't know if I ever told you this but Carla, my sister, was
    born Carl. I hope that's not a problem.

    edited to add: meant to put this in my bumper joke colection - but obviously failed :(
  2. anychance of her phone number?
  3. An old joke, but good none the less.