Dear santa

Discussion in 'Blue Jokes' started by Bridge, Sep 13, 2010.

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  1. deer santa:
    I wud like a kool toy space ranjur fer Xmas. Iv ben a
    gud boy all yeer.
    Yer Frend,

    Dear Billy,
    Nice spelling. You're on your way to a career in lawn
    care. How about I send
    you a frigging book so you can learn to read and
    write? I'm giving your
    older brother the space ranger. At least HE can spell!

    Dear Santa,
    I have been a good girl all year, and the only thing I
    ask for is peace
    and joy in the world for everybody!

    Dear Sarah,
    Your parents smoked pot when they had you, didn't

    Dear Santa,
    I don't know if you can do this, but for Christmas,
    I'd like for my mommy
    and daddy to get back together. Please see what you
    can do.

    Dear Teddy,
    Look, your dad's banging the babysitter like a screen
    door in a hurricane.
    Do you think he's gonna give that up to come back to
    your frigid, fat mom,
    who rides his ass constantly? It's time to give up
    that dream. Let me get
    you some nice Legos instead. Maybe you can build
    yourself a family with

    Dear Santa,
    I want a new bike, a Playstation, a train, some G.I.
    Joes, a dog, a drum
    kit, a pony and a tuba.

    Dear Francis,
    Who names their kid "Francis"nowadays? I bet you're

    Dear Santa,
    I left milk and cookies for you under the tree, and I
    left carrots for your
    reindeer outside the back door.

    Dear Susan,
    Milk gives me the shits and carrots make the deer fart
    in my face when
    riding in the sleigh. You want to do me a favor? Two
    words, Jim Beam.

    Dear Santa,
    What do you do the other 364 days of the year? Are you
    busy making toys?
    Your friend,

    Dear Thomas,
    All the toys are made by little kids like you in China
    Every yea r I gi v e
    them a slice of bread as a Christmas bonus. I have a
    condo in Vegas, where I
    spend most of my time making low-budget porno films. I
    unwind by drinking
    myself silly and squeezing the asses of cocktail
    waitresses while losing
    money at the craps table.

    Tell your mom she got the part.

    Dear Santa,
    Do you see us when we're sleeping, do you really know
    when we're awake, like
    in the song?
    Love, Jessica

    Dear Jessica,
    Are you really that gullible? Good luck in whatever
    you do. I'm skipping
    your house.

    Dear Santa,
    I really really want a puppy this year. Please please
    please PLEASE PLEASE
    could I have one?

    That whiney begging shit may work with your folks, but
    that crap doesn't
    work with me. You're getting an ugly sweater again.

    Dearest Santa,
    We don't have a chimney in our house, how do you get
    into our home?

    First, stop calling yourself "Marky", that's why
    you're getting your ass kicked at school. Second, you
    don't live in a house,
    you live in a low-rent, ghetto apartment complex.
    Third, I get inside your
    pad just like all the
    burglars do, through your bedroom window.
    Sweet Dreams,
  2. kid wakes up want night crying goes through to parents room mum and dad were about to do the business naked in bed dad replys GET BACK TO YOUR BED mum replys leave him alone let him sleep with us
    kid cuddles up to his mum points to her flower and asks mum mum whats that she replys it s a tunnel son kids replys will you better turn the lights on then there a train comming through
  3. "Milk gives me the shits" LMFAO!