Dear santa

deer santa:
I wud like a kool toy space ranjur fer Xmas. Iv ben a
gud boy all yeer.
Yer Frend,

Dear Billy,
Nice spelling. You're on your way to a career in lawn
care. How about I send
you a frigging book so you can learn to read and
write? I'm giving your
older brother the space ranger. At least HE can spell!

Dear Santa,
I have been a good girl all year, and the only thing I
ask for is peace
and joy in the world for everybody!

Dear Sarah,
Your parents smoked pot when they had you, didn't

Dear Santa,
I don't know if you can do this, but for Christmas,
I'd like for my mommy
and daddy to get back together. Please see what you
can do.

Dear Teddy,
Look, your dad's banging the babysitter like a screen
door in a hurricane.
Do you think he's gonna give that up to come back to
your frigid, fat mom,
who rides his ass constantly? It's time to give up
that dream. Let me get
you some nice Legos instead. Maybe you can build
yourself a family with

Dear Santa,
I want a new bike, a Playstation, a train, some G.I.
Joes, a dog, a drum
kit, a pony and a tuba.

Dear Francis,
Who names their kid "Francis"nowadays? I bet you're

Dear Santa,
I left milk and cookies for you under the tree, and I
left carrots for your
reindeer outside the back door.

Dear Susan,
Milk gives me the shits and carrots make the deer fart
in my face when
riding in the sleigh. You want to do me a favor? Two
words, Jim Beam.

Dear Santa,
What do you do the other 364 days of the year? Are you
busy making toys?
Your friend,

Dear Thomas,
All the toys are made by little kids like you in China
Every yea r I gi v e
them a slice of bread as a Christmas bonus. I have a
condo in Vegas, where I
spend most of my time making low-budget porno films. I
unwind by drinking
myself silly and squeezing the asses of cocktail
waitresses while losing
money at the craps table.

Tell your mom she got the part.

Dear Santa,
Do you see us when we're sleeping, do you really know
when we're awake, like
in the song?
Love, Jessica

Dear Jessica,
Are you really that gullible? Good luck in whatever
you do. I'm skipping
your house.

Dear Santa,
I really really want a puppy this year. Please please
could I have one?

That whiney begging shit may work with your folks, but
that crap doesn't
work with me. You're getting an ugly sweater again.

Dearest Santa,
We don't have a chimney in our house, how do you get
into our home?

First, stop calling yourself "Marky", that's why
you're getting your ass kicked at school. Second, you
don't live in a house,
you live in a low-rent, ghetto apartment complex.
Third, I get inside your
pad just like all the
burglars do, through your bedroom window.
Sweet Dreams,
kid wakes up want night crying goes through to parents room mum and dad were about to do the business naked in bed dad replys GET BACK TO YOUR BED mum replys leave him alone let him sleep with us
kid cuddles up to his mum points to her flower and asks mum mum whats that she replys it s a tunnel son kids replys will you better turn the lights on then there a train comming through
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