Dear Dr. Rocket......

Dear Doctor Rocketeer,
you seem to know everything about everything.. what is the best movie to rent when I invite my new girlfriend over for snax and an evening in?.. I'm hoping that we'll end up in each others arms and - er- pants...

Well, small fry..

barring the use of the porn library which will only disappoint you both because its all done with mirrors and time lapse photography - no women cum that fast and no guy ever lasts that long, so, unless you're prepared to have your buddy be a ' stunt double', chuck those...

A movie that is universally liked and very rewatchable makes her comfortable, gives you something to watch during lulls in conversation, and is easy to ignore if she's dumb enough to let you touch her boobies.

DO NOT pick a chick flick or a horror movie. A romantic movie makes the whole process harder. Either she will compare you to the hero, making you look like sh*t - because no real life male is Richard Gere in Pretty Woman - or she will actually pay attention to the movie and not your advances. Scary movies are not as bad but do basically the same thing. if she likes them, she'll watch the movie and ignore you, if she doesn't, it will put a weird spin on the night as she sits looking at you and wondering what the f**k kind of taste or brains you have.

Your movie selection by itself is not going to get her to hook up with you, your behaviour, your attitude, how you smell, how you talk to her - that is what makes her want to touch your penis. So clean your apartment and wash your ass before she comes over because if you're asking a question like this, your problems probably go way beyond movie selections..
I suggest "The Usual Suspects", " Goodfellas " or , if you must, " Fear Strikes Out" or " Shakes the Clown "

just don't use too much of dad's Brut on your bumcrack.. it tends to sting..
Congratulations on your new advice column job
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