Dear Dolly...

#1
Considering I have seen more tri-service cock than Frimley Park GUM Clinic and after the Fuck Slut thread I unwittingly became a sex therapist to a few of you on PM's (you naughty debauched boys, you know who you are). I thought it fitting that I apoint myself as the Arrse Agony Aunt.

So, in your own time, go on...
 
#2
Oh, you little attention-seeker :roll:

Dear Auntie Dolly,

A friend of mine is an unemployed Teddy Bear who is currently not getting his share, as his female buddy is in 'Stan. Should he (a) Remain faithful, or (b) Hope to get a new job, or (c) Forget he ever asked me to write this.
 

Ravers

LE
Kit Reviewer
Book Reviewer
#3
Dear Dolly,

My wife is a blonde size 8 with 34D boobs.

Just wanted to brag really. No other reason.

Ravers.
 
#4
blue-sophist said:
Oh, you little attention-seeker :roll:

Dear Auntie Dolly,

A friend of mine is an unemployed Teddy Bear who is currently not getting his share, as his female buddy is in 'Stan. Should he (a) Remain faithful, or (b) Hope to get a new job, or (c) Forget he ever asked me to write this.
A little column A a little column B.

He should get a job out in the 'Stan and meet up with his Mrs for dirty, gritty "on Ops" sex. I can personally recommend it :wink:

Should he require any advice on fucking whilst on tour please don't hesitate to ask.

Oh yes and you are right I am a big fat attention whore and everything about this thread screams "look at me look at me!". But quite honestly I don't give a fuck, I'm entertaining myself a perhaps a few others. So excuse me while I crack the fuck on. :wink:
 
#5
Ravers said:
Dear Dolly,

My wife is a blonde size 8 with 34D boobs.

Just wanted to brag really. No other reason.

Ravers.
Ravers, well done you.

I do hope you get to fuck her.
 
#6
D0lly86 said:
blue-sophist said:
Oh, you little attention-seeker :roll:

Dear Auntie Dolly,

A friend of mine is an unemployed Teddy Bear who is currently not getting his share, as his female buddy is in 'Stan. Should he (a) Remain faithful, or (b) Hope to get a new job, or (c) Forget he ever asked me to write this.
A little column A a little column B.

He should get a job out in the 'Stan and meet up with his Mrs for dirty, gritty "on Ops" sex. I can personally recommend it :wink:

Should he require any advice on fucking whilst on tour please don't hesitate to ask.

Oh yes and you are right I am a big fat attention whore and everything about this thread screams "look at me look at me!". But quite honestly I don't give a fuck, I'm entertaining myself a perhaps a few others. So excuse me while I crack the fuck on. :wink:
I like girls that scream out for attention, means you can buy them hte flimsiest, kinkiest underwear and make them wear it out on the town! ;)
 

Ravers

LE
Kit Reviewer
Book Reviewer
#7
D0lly86 said:
Ravers said:
Dear Dolly,

My wife is a blonde size 8 with 34D boobs.

Just wanted to brag really. No other reason.

Ravers.
Ravers, well done you.

I do hope you get to fuck her.
Oh no. She gets to fuck me.

Lucky bitch.
 
#10
Sid_Ruff said:
I like girls that scream out for attention, means you can buy them hte flimsiest, kinkiest underwear and make them wear it out on the town! ;)
You can fist them in the arse whilst giving them kidney punches too.
 
#11
Ravers said:
Dear Dolly,

My wife is a blonde size 8 with 34D boobs.

Just wanted to brag really. No other reason.

Ravers.
More likely a size 8 lower half and a size 10 top half.
I have one just like that.
And she's eleven years younger than me too.
And fcuking gorgeous.
:p
 
#12
Dear Dolly

A mate of mine, has this rash, I say rash, its more of a sore, I say sore, its more a weeping puss filled opening on his member, and he is wondering what he should do.

He has tried the usual route of scrubbing with wire wool and domestos, to no avail, and has also tried many native treatments, such as, cow dung on the infected parts, and the blood from the testi of a freshly shaved shrew has also been applied, nothing seems to work for the poor fellow.

So my question to you is this..

Do you have any pictures of yourself, in stockings and white skimpy panties, bending over looking back over your shoulder with a finger draped loosely from the corner of your mouth, with the look of a frightened deer on your face?

If not for me, but for my mate, who needs cheering up at this difficult time.



Yours

Mate of a puss filled wanker.
 
#13
Gren,

I think you are right in thinking that pictures will cure his member, i will send some by post soonest. I would also suggest that you apply maggots. leave them on for a few days then as his "friend" you should suck the festering wound to remove all puss, macerated skin and maggots. At this point the wound will be raw looking it's then advisable to apply liberal amounts of salt that after 5-10 mins be rinsed with iodine. After it has been well rinsed the wound should be sealed using your congealed man fat. Repeat twice daily until healed.
 
#14
Dear D0lly

My mate (mate, mind, mate) has this nasty little habit that he thinks up all sorts of erotic thoughts.

Should he:

(a) write them down and publish them a la Alistair Campbell

(b) send them to a lovely young lady of his acquaintance at a university in the north-east

(c) store them in his w/bank

He's beating himself up about it and it'd be really useful to know which route he should take...

TVM.
 
#15
Dear Dolly,

I would like advice on the situation I currently find myself in. After a few years STABbing about, I find myself at uni having a whale of a time and generally misbehaving myself in line with the highest military traditions. My problem is thus - I am currently enamoured of a rather attractive female who has all the attributes most dear to my heart - a skinny young thing with massive boobs, a filthy sense of humour and most importantly, a double bed.

However, while outwardly seeming amenable to my advances, we've only met for drinks twice. Every time I suggest doing something, she agrees and then bins it at the last minute, citing some reason or another, usually that she's too busy with her friends. For example last night she kept me waiting at a bar for over two hours before I sacked it off, only to text me a few minutes later telling me she was there with her friends, and inviting me to join if I wanted. Suffice to say, I was tucked up in bed by that time and politely declined.

My question is this - should I keep trying with the aforementioned doris in the hope of eventually prising her from her friends and introducing her to mini-Hugh - and if so any advice on achieving this, or should I give it up, and return to unfulfilling sex with OTC burds and any other willing female that crosses my path?

Naturally, the answer should be clear, however to my dismay I really am rather keen on this one :(

Yours, etc

Hugh
 
#16
Ursus.Maritimus said:
He's beating himself up about it and it'd be really useful to know which route he should take...

TVM.
Mr Polar Bear,

Your friend should submit a thread on here he could call it "private memoirs of a (enter profession)" He should write down in detail the sexual thoughts and feelings that he suffers, I think he would find it relieving. It should be fine for him to do it, as he is a bloke, he will receive many thanks and much praise for doing such a thing. He should however be very aware of the boring old fart brigade that is very vocal on the Arrse forums of late, they dislike anything that the see as un-PC, sexual or even slighty taking the piss out of, well, anything. Oh unless of course his name is MDN or one of that crowd, then he can expect to receive an arse licking of wonderous proportions.
 
#17
Hugh_Jardon said:
Dear Dolly,

For example last night she kept me waiting at a bar for over two hours before I sacked it off, only to text me a few minutes later telling me she was there with her friends, and inviting me to join if I wanted. Suffice to say, I was tucked up in bed by that time and politely declined.


Naturally, the answer should be clear

Yours, etc

Hugh
She doesn't want to fuck you.
 
#18
D0lly86 said:
Ursus.Maritimus said:
He's beating himself up about it and it'd be really useful to know which route he should take...

TVM.
Mr Polar Bear,

Your friend should submit a thread on here he could call it "private memoirs of a (enter profession)" He should write down in detail the sexual thoughts and feelings that he suffers, I think he would find it relieving. It should be fine for him to do it, as he is a bloke, he will receive many thanks and much praise for doing such a thing. He should however be very aware of the boring old fart brigade that is very vocal on the Arrse forums of late, they dislike anything that the see as un-PC, sexual or even slighty taking the piss out of, well, anything. Oh unless of course his name is MDN or one of that crowd, then he can expect to receive an arse licking of wonderous proportions.
Thanks ... I'll pass that along :p
 

udipur

LE
Book Reviewer
#19
D0lly86 said:
Hugh_Jardon said:
Dear Dolly,

For example last night she kept me waiting at a bar for over two hours before I sacked it off, only to text me a few minutes later telling me she was there with her friends, and inviting me to join if I wanted. Suffice to say, I was tucked up in bed by that time and politely declined.


Naturally, the answer should be clear

Yours, etc

Hugh
She doesn't want to fuck you.
Really? You surprise me.
 
#20
This Thread is clearly proving a great comfort to some of the Ursine persuasion. It's a great relief to know that in a world where pubic de-forestation seems the norm, there is still a place for those with substantial amounts of fur.

Excuse me, I must visit the woods now.
 

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