Dear Doctor,

Discussion in 'Professionally Qualified, RAMC and QARANC' started by Auld_Sapper, Jun 19, 2004.

Welcome to the Army Rumour Service, ARRSE

The UK's largest and busiest UNofficial military website.

The heart of the site is the forum area, including:

  1. Dear Doctor,
    I've gotten to that age where changes are happening to my body and would like some advice.
    Now, I realise that age does'ny come on it's own and some of the changes I've been experiecing are cope-able with. The wisdom, maturity and responsibility that come with advancing years, whilst novel and unused too, do bring a certain 'Je' ne say qwaa' when oot with the missus. Even the myopia has been cured with a 'buy two get one free' offer from Spec Savers. The Healey-esque eyebrows and tuffs of hair sprouting from every available orrofice are easily tamed with both my bespoke shnozzle strimmer and the pliers attachment on my leatherman.
    Now, given that my body knows what it's doing, it's obviously preparing me for some future event, I'm not sure what exactly , perhaps the wisdom is a preservation thing to prevent me getting knuckled by some younger, fitter male. Perhaps the extra layers of flab and the luxuriant growth from nose and ears are in preperation for the onset of some climatic change, global warming, new ice ages etc. etc. I can even accept that the myopia is Gods way of warning me against further self abuse, energy conservation again ?, no all these changes I can cope with, but, what about the ears !!!
    Now, whilst my own aural receptors are still quite shapley, pert and still in proportion to my head, I do find that when I look at chaps of a certain age thiers ears are enormous !! And I don't just mean big, I mean they're 'Feck me !! look at the feckin jug handles on him !!! big.
    Now, upbringing, diet and social standing would appear to have no influence on what would appear to be a pan-class condition, indeed, our dearly beloved Gen Sir Mike (all hail and bow down) has a set that would give an African Bull Elephant in full mating mode a run for his money and as I can see no earthly use for the enlargement of said appedages, save perhaps as handles for the missus during various stages in the rumpy-pumpy process, I wonder if there is some medical expanation for this.
    I am assuming in the fore going that what I see is an actual enlargement of the ears and not some optical illusion brought on by the shrinking of the heed.
    Any, cofidential, advice re this matter would be gratefully received.


    Yours etc.,
    fat, furry, blind and a little concerned.



    ***Edited tae remove identifying infurrmashun***

    ****** ya **** !!!
     
  2. Its my professional opinion, that I have absolutly no idea what you are so elequently & amuslingly talking about!!!

    But I would say that you are obviously still suffering the after affects of a slight over indulgence last night. Once again though, I think this is porbably due to your advancing years & your inability to tolerate the levels of alcahol you could as a youngster.

    (still made me chuckle though :wink: )
     
  3. 8O Haw naw Doc !!!
    Say it izz'ny so !!
    What ur ye saying ??
    That there's no cure, no prevention ??
    You mean the choice is brute ugliness or sobriety ?? :cry:

    Aw well, pass the extra large, extra strong paper bag then. Cheers.




    Yours etc.,
    fat, furry, blind and now thoroughly depressed. :cry:
     
  4. Have you seen a little chap hanging around with you - drives a convertible, has a bell on his hat, goes by the name of 'Noddy'?
     
  5. In technical medical terms.......he's Fecked :( :(