Dear Diedre

Discussion in 'Blue Jokes' started by Padrat, Jul 30, 2011.

Welcome to the Army Rumour Service, ARRSE

The UK's largest and busiest UNofficial military website.

The heart of the site is the forum area, including:

  1. Dear Deidre I was watching my next door neighbour's daughter sunbathing topless from my bedroom window.
    As I was knocking one out I turned to notice my wife just stood there, arms folded...watching me. Is she a pervert?
     
    • Like Like x 2
    • Funny Funny x 1
  2. Auld-Yin

    Auld-Yin LE Reviewer Book Reviewer Reviews Editor

    No, just a lazy barsteward who could have helped by taking over the polishing of the helmet from you, leaving you two hands to steady your binos!
     
    • Like Like x 3
  3. Dear Padrat,

    I suspect she was just a little confused at finding the neighbour's daughter sunbathing topless from your bedroom window.

    Love Deirdre
     
  4. Dear Deirdre,

    Gonna gie iz fifty pee furra cup o' tea? 'onest, ah'll no spend it on Lanny or Buckie. Gaun Deirdre, ah'll be yer bestest pahl, so ah wull, ye'll see. C'mon ye fat cow, ah've no hud a drink fur half an' oor and ma mooth is dryer than than an Arab'z flip-flop. Aw c'mawn, gies a break an 'at naw? Look ah can dance an' so can ma wee dug, look at wiz dancin'...and this is mah wee pahl Sammy the Stoater...ah ken, it looks like a cock, but it's no. It's Sammy. Gawn Deirdre, ah'm desprit!!
     
    • Like Like x 3
  5. Dear Diedrie,

    I have two brothers, one is in the RAF and the other was sentenced to life for running a paedophile ring.
    My mother died of insanity when I was three years old, my two sisters are prostitutes and my father sells drugs.

    Recently, I met a girl who was released from a young offenders institution where she served time for smothering her illegitimate child to death.

    I love this girl very much and want to marry her.

    My problem is this:

    Shall I tell her about my brother who is in the RAF?
     
    • Like Like x 13
  6. Dear Padrat
    YES, yer wifes a filthy perverted whore. She has cameras all over yer house so every time you bash yer Bishop she has a record of it. I would not be too worried about it, most women are like that and secretly would do the same.
    Derdrie

    PS what is your address?
     
  7. If his name is Hagar, he is the spit of Gerry McCann and is married to a horse faced selfabsorbed blond bint then YES. She has a right to know what sort of person her brother in law is and the type he hangs around with
     
  8. buck house
     
  9. Dull cunt. On reflection, make that 'dull coward'.

    Oh but of course, you never wrote that, did you. Spastic.
     
  10. I dont really like to get involved in internet 'he said.....she said......' spats however, Wank Mog me old mucker, I really think your credibility on arrse has taken a slight dent - you should crawl away to a corner of the internet and die a recluses death. Honour however can be salvaged by banging a drum and singing The Sash as you march up the Falls to the Milltown cemetry where you then go on to masterbate over graves in the 'voluteers' plot. Just a suggestion like ......
     
  11. Dear Wank Mag,

    There is not a lot I can really advise you to do except take up the challenge and fight the wockawocka man ASAP.
    I am sure those ARRSERS will be behind you all the way and your reputation will be reinstated.
    If this is unacceptable then the next thing I suggest is a move to Bridgend and use the rope that will be provided for your sole use.

    Deidrie
     
  12. PS: You might just want to thank fuck that he isn't a fucking Rockape!!
     
  13. Dear padrat,

    No she is not a pervert you are you disgusting person, obviously i joke.All of the ARRSERS would do the same thing, carry on my friend .

    love from
    diedre
     
  14. Dear Deidre.

    E-goat has gone to ratshit and I have found that ARRSE is more informative and funny. However I'm concerned once the army people find out I'm ex-RAF I will be shunned and ridiculed. What should I do?
     
  15. Dear Deirdre,

    If a train leaves Paddington at 15.32 hrs travelling at 54mph and a second train leaves Edinburgh Waverley at 15.47 hrs travelling at an average of 98 mph.

    Are they Deltics?

    And why does my shed stink?

    Yours

    Fintry
    No.1 Main Road
    London
    WC1