Dear Aunty Arrse

#1
Dear Aunty Arrse

I have a delecate problem and naturally I feel the best place for sensible advice is from fellow arrsers.

I have recently met a wonderful woman, blonde hair, blue eyes, randy little sod and a former pad, so even all the hard works been done for me.
I can behave with my normal squaddie attitude and she accepts it as normal.

My problem is this, shes recently admitted to me that she likes it up the gary as it gives her a more intense orgasm and being a caring sort of bloke I dont mind if she has one as well.
Thing is I've never really been a fan of going up the wrong un, so do I do I admit this to her or just slip her one every now and then to keep her sweet?
The only problem with the second option is another concern I have. She sprays like Cytheria so if gpoing up the poop shoot is going to make it more intense do I need to get rubber sheets?


Concerned of Carlisle
 
#2
Dear Concerned,
just do it... whatever it is.. do it. As for sheets? well just nick yer mates out of his pitspace...
 

Auld-Yin

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#4
Better still, send me her address and I will relieve you of your onoerous tasks. :wink:
 
#6
Dear Concerned,

I would try to discourage your lady from enjoying bum fun. It's not a healthy or natural pastime. The front bottom is the right place to give a young a lady a good reeming out. Also may I add that sodomy & buggery are still technically illegal and against QR's (unless you are one of of the newly welcomed homosexual members of our services). You would not want to be on a charge for missuse of a hoop or being a chutney ferret. I would suggest that your lady friend gets an attractive girlfriend to wear a strap on and to give her a good tupping up the gary. You may wish to share the video with us by posting it on youtube.com

All the best

Aunty Arrse
 
#7
Dear Aunty

Thanks for your kind words, unfortunately I think I come down with the annoying 'loved up' virus and am quite keen to please her (pathetic isnt it).
I'm also long past the 28 days when QRs could touch me and I'd be pretty unlucky for the local constabulary to pay me a visit. Sadly the only sheets I have access to are my own and the boil wash takes forever.
I have considered the attractive female friend option however for some bizzare reason she doesnt find women as attractive as I do?!!
She also has odd ideas about another man joining us not understanding that I'm in no way a willy watcher and the longest time I've ever made eye contact with another bloke was in the shower block. This possibly may have something to do with my reticence to requalify for my brown wings.

Apart from that videos arent a problem.
I look forward to more of your sage advice.
Concerned of Carlisle
 

Cutaway

LE
Kit Reviewer
#8
Dear Concerned,

While I applaud 58_Pattern's suggestion about the attractive doris joining in for a spot of clamjousting, especially the idea of posting the video, I'm afraid he has misled you about the legality of gaining your brown wings.

There is nothing illegal in UK law about sodomy, (or to use the more romantic term, 'hoofing her back doors in,') and it should be encouraged amongst the camp followers so the next squaddie that meets her doesn't have to put her through the introduction weekend.

So fill your boots, or more accurately, her booty.

With regard to your second question reference keeping the bed linen clean, I can't see the problem.
Let her do what comes naturally, she is a woman; she washes the damn sheets.

Regards,
UCMGC.
 
#9
Dear concerned,

you obviously need to look in a mirror and check that you do indeed have dangly bits as opposed to a badly packed kebab.

The sheets are irrelevant as is any other mess that may be caused afterwards.

These will simply require cleaning, which is a Doris's job and as such none of your concern.

Get cracking son

Regards

Aunty
 
#10
Dear Aunties

It is pleasing to know I will no longer be committing an offence and the consensus appears to be that I should go against my better instincts and pot the difficult brown but the sheets thing is still an issue.
I've been getting away with it in the past by making use of her place and the oversized german bed that means no-one needs to sleep on a damp spot/swamp after she blows.
However our next encounter will be in my normal double and I feel it would be less than gallant to bundle up the soiled sheets and bung em to her to take home and wash not to mention flipping the matress over as well.

My video idea has also hit a snag. Knowing how boring the single shot amateur films can be I hit upon the happy idea of nipping over the road to her neighbour. We've noticed in the past that as a result of our leaving the curtains open the gentleman across the street had set up an OP that would put shh, you know who to shame.
I thought if I got some of his footage as well with editing I could produce an interesting film for us to enjoy in the future.
When I interupted the family sunday lunch to enquire if I might have a copy the man in question became somewhat embarrassed and his wife became what I can only describe as ballistic, making comments about how he had said he'd got all that expensive video equipement to record the kids. Clearly I had walked into an ongoing domestic and made my excuses and left.
How should I approch the neighbour now?
 
#12
stanley_bomb_squad said:
Dear Aunty Arrse

I have a delecate problem and naturally I feel the best place for sensible advice is from fellow arrsers.

I have recently met a wonderful woman, blonde hair, blue eyes, randy little sod and a former pad, so even all the hard works been done for me.
I can behave with my normal squaddie attitude and she accepts it as normal.

My problem is this, shes recently admitted to me that she likes it up the gary as it gives her a more intense orgasm and being a caring sort of bloke I dont mind if she has one as well.
Thing is I've never really been a fan of going up the wrong un, so do I do I admit this to her or just slip her one every now and then to keep her sweet?
The only problem with the second option is another concern I have. She sprays like Cytheria so if gpoing up the poop shoot is going to make it more intense do I need to get rubber sheets?


Concerned of Carlisle

Hi Stan
take heed of this poster....
she's only doing it for your sake
 

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Auld-Yin

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#15
stanley_bomb_squad said:
Dear Aunties

It is pleasing to know I will no longer be committing an offence and the consensus appears to be that I should go against my better instincts and pot the difficult brown but the sheets thing is still an issue.
I've been getting away with it in the past by making use of her place and the oversized german bed that means no-one needs to sleep on a damp spot/swamp after she blows.
However our next encounter will be in my normal double and I feel it would be less than gallant to bundle up the soiled sheets and bung em to her to take home and wash not to mention flipping the matress over as well.

My video idea has also hit a snag. Knowing how boring the single shot amateur films can be I hit upon the happy idea of nipping over the road to her neighbour. We've noticed in the past that as a result of our leaving the curtains open the gentleman across the street had set up an OP that would put shh, you know who to shame.
I thought if I got some of his footage as well with editing I could produce an interesting film for us to enjoy in the future.
When I interupted the family sunday lunch to enquire if I might have a copy the man in question became somewhat embarrassed and his wife became what I can only describe as ballistic, making comments about how he had said he'd got all that expensive video equipement to record the kids. Clearly I had walked into an ongoing domestic and made my excuses and left.
How should I approch the neighbour now?[/quote]

Very fecking carefully :lol: :lol: :lol:
 
#16
Dear Aunty Arrsers

Thank you for your kind and thoughtful comments although GH bit confused as to the latent homosexuality you believe I have.
I dont particularly like spearing the brown star and after the normal greasy broom handle experiences we all go through in HMF I know, to paraphrase Cpl Jones, Dont like it up me. And being far too lazy to polish my own rocket (prefering golf foxtrot to do it for me) I wouldnt even give a good reach around. I would have thought making me the most useless gay in the village.

Old Yin thank you for your thought, maybe I'll try the neighbours wife as she seems to be having something of a clearout right now, though typical woman she keep missing the wheely bin with all those things shes chucking out of windows and hubby must be working the bank holiday.
 
#17
Right you c*nt, listen up...

Either stop being a total fag, or stop winding us up with your boastful threads. It's every blokes' dream to find a bird who even puts up with a little bit of bum hole jiggery pokery, never mind actually demanding it. Even if you don't necessarily enjoy it, it's your duty as a modern man to fulfil her needs regularly, and also to spend every evening in the boozer telling the lads. Better still, since she's such a kinky little thing, why not bend her over the park bench outside the local pub, and give her a good seeing to in plain view of your mates, while they enjoy their pint? Not only will you have proof of your anal conquests, but the bed sheets back at home will remain fresh and fragrant.

With regards to the video, I think it's your duty to upload whatever you've got so far, so I and my fellow ARRSERS can have a big fat w*nk over your posh little gushing princess. She sounds like one in a million, and you're just being selfish.

Lots of love,
SBM
 
#19
She takes it up the arrse and she's a gusher. You Sir are a very lucky man, the fact that you have to think twice about it let alone consult an online community to give you suggestions makes you a cnut of the highest order. Split her hoop right now, because it won't be long before she finds a chap who will do it.

Remember, it's tighter, it's warmer and it's more degrading to women.
 
#20
You're as bad as the bloke I was talking to last night in the pub who stated publicly & to all and sundry that his 19yo gf

a) insisted he do er in the wrong un & then let her lick it clean afterwards :D
b) asked him to invite some friends round for a bukkake session 8O and
c) queried whether he would allow her to "do them all afterwards"... 8O

The "lady" in question walked into the pub about 20mins later :D

lancslad
 

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