Had an old German Frau at the Guardroom today, really upset and depressed. Asked her whats up , she replied, do you know, Jahn weg, i said yes, she said and i quote, " the number 22 they have a dead pigeon in their garden and its been there a week now, and its really upsetting me, i have to look at it everytime i walk past,". Not telling her that the guy is on tour in Afghan, i said why dont you nip over the fence and put it in a bag and get rid of it. She said, Oh no, we all know the British shoot trespassers on sight. I said no they dont, she replied they did with my father in 1945 when all he wanted to do was borrow the sacks, i said what sacks, she said with the guns in it. So i said it will rot away, she replied just like my father: Then in perfect English called me a Bastard and said i deserved to go to hell.at which point i said you speak good english, she said i know, so i told her to fuckoff and come back when she sees a human body lying there.I expect the Gestapo at any minute.