Daves Dilemma...

Discussion in 'The NAAFI Bar' started by Rocketeer, Oct 31, 2005.

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  1. Have a pal of mine, Dave, bunking in with me for a couple of days due to a ' domestic distrubance ' at his place...need some advice on how to patch things up and get the boyo off my couch and out of my supply of beer.

    Dave is a bit of a blunt, no-nonsense kind of chap and he married Anna about 10 years back. She is as fastidious a woman as anyone ever met and always has a list of things for Dave to get done during practically every waking moment, so, naturally, Dave goes in to work early and leaves late..still the marriage seems to have survived..except..

    Anna went away for a couple of days to visit family and left Dave a ' short ' list of things to fix up about the house..When she returned she went into RSM white-glove inspection mode and checked out the abode..Dave says he was on the verge of passing when the missus let out a scream when entering the boudoir.. She was staring at a corner of the ceiling.

    Quoting Dave:
    SHE: Look at the cobwebs!!.. How could you miss those hanging from the ceiling. They're like stalactites at Carlsberg Cavern for FS!"
    HE: " Sorry.. I didn't notice them"
    SHE: For Chr*st sake!.. Don't you ever look up?"
    HE: " No.. I'm always on top, aren't I "

    now Dave has a part of my couch...
  2. Dave. Go back home. Throw her out. She sounds German.
  3. He"s well clear of it!!

    Any oppo, ball and chained is welcome round my bachelor F++ck pad when every they like....So I can issue em with an official


    If he supplies his own wets, doesn"t swamp the spare bed too often and is a good trapping wing man ashore, he can stay as long as he likes.....

    Or at least till he arranges for the Long haired RSM to receive the "Jill dando door step challenge"

  4. Always wondered where my ex went after we split.
  5. I'm hoping this situation can be defused..

    not the first time Dave has ' misread' the manual on how women operate..
    One time he told me they were out driving in her car..when she heard the Mitty sound ' tapoketatapoketatapoketa' . Dave says she turned to him and asked what the sound was.. Dave was off to a bad start with his reply.. " how the hell should I know, you don't trust me to even change the oil on this thing and now you think I'm Mr. Goodwrench.. Just have a quick listen and I'll know the answer.. Pull over, pop the hood, and I'll take a look.'
    SHE: " Now?.. I'll be late for my appointment with Irene! If I'm not there on time, she'll give my spot to someone else and it could take weeks to get another hair appointment."
    HE: " well, you can keep driving and might get there, or, the engine will seize, the car will catch fire and and the person doing your hair will be the morticians' assistant trying to match a wig to your crispy features.. your call . "

    She stopped.. long enough to dump him at the side of the road and head off.. She said his ' suggestions' were ' unhelpful '..

    Dave has never been a fellow to mince words...
  6. I sympathise with dave about the always on top bit - thought my luck had changed the other day when in bed with mrs o she suggested changing positions - well - i was all for it until she said you stand behind the ironing board and ill stay in bed and fart.
  7. Rocketeer, just come on to your mate! Sit next to him whilst he's curled up on your couch. Whisper to him about being lonely. Stroke his knee. Tell him you miss the feeling of someone warm lying next to you and see just how long he stays on the sofa for!! But if he returns the feelings, just make sure you practice safe bum love.
  8. Dunno about mincing words, I'd be mincing her through an industrial grade mincing machine.

    I agree with BAB, she sounds like a Kraut, gas her.
  9. AS, I don't know what it is you do, but you're wasted: a job at Relate beckons! 8O
  10. At mates place years ago for blokes card night. Hosts' wife enters room, says "Can you take the garbage out?" Host does not even look up from his cards, replies "Take it out yourself, you fcukin' cooked it"
    They are not together anymore.

    no help to Dave but I pmsl.
  11. What's that all about? Turned up at the old dear's fresh from Op Granby and that was the first thing she said. Later on met up with an old girlfriend for a dirty weekend and got asked the same. :?
  12. Sounds more like an episode of Fawlty Towers!