Daughters Homework

B_AND_T

LE
Book Reviewer
#1
Below is the homework my 11 year old daughter received yesterday. I looked at it and thought this is just the thing for a Friday on Arrse.

Your thoughts please.

1. What nationality do you consider yourself? This could be you country of origin, but not necessarily.

Am I allowed to say English

2. Is your nationality, and sense of belonging, important to you? Do you like being the the nationality that you are? Explain.

Well since Liabour has removed my nationality from me I find it hard to answer this.

3. What things do you think best represent your nationality?

Over the age of 25 getting wankered on decent beer beer in a pub. Under 25 getting wankered on cider in a park.

4. What customs and traditions do you celebrate that are typical of your culture?

Every so often I will go an invade another country.

5. Beside Germany, have you ever visited or lived in another country? If so, where and when?

England before I came here, although I once had a weekend in a caravan on the Isle of Wight!

6. Have you ever been somewhere where you have felt obviously different from the other people there?

Does Portsmouth count?

7. Do you enjoy meeting and living among people from other cultures and traditions? Explain.

I couldn't do without my Gyros every week and I find after getting wankered on Vodka I can speak Fijian fluently!

8. Is their any other culture that appeals to you? If so, what and why? If not, why not.

If you let me have Lesbianism as a culture, I will give you a full explanation.

9. Does your own family have any particular traditions and customs that you follow. Discuss.

We hate the French as did my father and my fathers father and my fathers fathers father etc.
 

old_fat_and_hairy

LE
Book Reviewer
Reviews Editor
#2
Do you have a slightly older daughter with whom I can help with biology homework?
 

B_AND_T

LE
Book Reviewer
#3
I have an older granmother who might be more suitable for you. You will have to rehydrate her though, she was cremated 3 years ago.
 

old_fat_and_hairy

LE
Book Reviewer
Reviews Editor
#4
Ok, will just get my little hosepipe out.
 
#5
old_fat_and_hairy said:
Ok, will just get my little hosepipe out.

you chose the right word there. :roll:

I had discussion like this when I was still in sixth form with the usual lefty hippies regarding themselves as "europeans" :roll:
To which my usual response was to laugh heartily and ask why I would want to be affiliated with these other nations when at some point in history we have waged wars against all of them. It was made worse that on several occations a Yank was teaching the class....(shudder).

this lefty wishy washy stuff irritates me beyond belief, I was once winged at in school for putting my nationality on some application form as "English" because I could apparently make me seem "closed minded" :roll: give me a break.
 

old_fat_and_hairy

LE
Book Reviewer
Reviews Editor
#6
I have just completed an enrolement form for the OU, and in the ethnicity column there are spaces marked 'white'
'white/British'
'White/Scottish'
'White/Irish'
What happened to England and Wales? When did Scotland cease to be part of Britain?
 
#7
old_fat_and_hairy said:
I have just completed an enrolement form for the OU, and in the ethnicity column there are spaces marked 'white'
'white/British'
'White/Scottish'
'White/Irish'
What happened to England and Wales? When did Scotland cease to be part of Britain?
You have two options here:

1. Tick the box marked other and then "Specify" English. You may wish to put something other than English such as Zanussi because;

2. leave it blank and put a covering note in to the effect that under the terms of whichever section of the Equalities Industry it is that is asking this question, it is completely irrelevant excepting of course that admitting you are English is likely to fast track your application to File 13.
 

Biped

LE
Book Reviewer
#8
1. What nationality do you consider yourself? This could be you country of origin, but not necessarily.

British, greater than the sum of its parts.

2. Is your nationality, and sense of belonging, important to you? Do you like being the the nationality that you are? Explain.

Yes, I like being British - apart from the corrupt democracy, and the damage it is doing to our society, freedoms, income and borders, the place is actually rather nice.

3. What things do you think best represent your nationality?

A solid history of tw@tting everyone else, often much bigger than we are. [thinks are something like 100+ countries and empires]

4. What customs and traditions do you celebrate that are typical of your culture?

Every so often we will go an invade another country and bring them language (like 'oi, fack off!'). Proper beer, gardens, beer gardens and pint glasses.

5. Beside Germany, have you ever visited or lived in another country? If so, where and when?

My grandparents visited Germany, but the reception was a little hostile, and their forebears spent time in many others. It's not like today when you only need a passport to visit other countries. Back then, it was guns.

6. Have you ever been somewhere where you have felt obviously different from the other people there?

Everywhere.

7. Do you enjoy meeting and living among people from other cultures and traditions? Explain.

My once-proud country is overrun with people from other cultures and traditions. My favourites are forced marriage, honour killings, jihad and suicide bombings . . . . oh, and Romanies by the side of the road with drugged up babies begging for money.

8. Is their any other culture that appeals to you? If so, what and why? If not, why not.

Australian - beer and barbies, Canadian - Mounties and mountains, American - all you can eat and guns, New Zealand - sheep farming (fner fner), South Africa - the best bit has been stopped now, Zimbabwe - see South Africa, India - see South Africa and Zimbabwe.

9. Does your own family have any particular traditions and customs that you follow. Discuss.

We hate the French as did my father and my fathers father and my fathers fathers father etc.

We hate the Germans as did my father and my fathers father and my fathers fathers father etc.

We hate the Italians as did my father and my fathers father and my fathers fathers father etc.

We hate the Russians as did my father and my fathers father and my fathers fathers father etc.

We hate the Spanish as did my father and my fathers father and my fathers fathers father etc.

We hate the Belgians as did my father and my fathers father and my fathers fathers father etc.

We hate the Japanese as did my father and my fathers father and my fathers fathers father etc.
 
#9
old_fat_and_hairy said:
I have just completed an enrolement form for the OU, and in the ethnicity column there are spaces marked 'white'
'white/British'
'White/Scottish'
'White/Irish'
What happened to England and Wales? When did Scotland cease to be part of Britain?
Even stranger.....I just completed a MOD application and it not only asked nationality with the above definitions, it also went on to ask sexual orientation.......and was I non-transgender....or transgender!

I got a tad confused and think I am now a cross-dressing mixed race Latvian with a penchant for heterosexual gerbils...oh and a lapsed Buddist!
 

old_fat_and_hairy

LE
Book Reviewer
Reviews Editor
#10
charlotte-the-harlot said:
old_fat_and_hairy said:
I have just completed an enrolement form for the OU, and in the ethnicity column there are spaces marked 'white'
'white/British'
'White/Scottish'
'White/Irish'
What happened to England and Wales? When did Scotland cease to be part of Britain?
Even stranger.....I just completed a MOD application and it not only asked nationality with the above definitions, it also went on to ask sexual orientation.......and was I non-transgender....or transgender!

I got a tad confused and think I am now a cross-dressing mixed race Latvian with a penchant for heterosexual gerbils...oh and a lapsed Buddist![/quote]

Wonderful. Will you marry me? :p
 
#11
6. Have you ever been somewhere where you have felt obviously different from the other people there?

No, I'm English, I just feel SUPERIOR everywhere.
 

B_AND_T

LE
Book Reviewer
#12
Pervert,

Who would shag a Latvian?
 

old_fat_and_hairy

LE
Book Reviewer
Reviews Editor
#13
Me
 

Biped

LE
Book Reviewer
#14
B_AND_T said:
Pervert,

Who would shag a Latvian?
ME! I actually have, and she was rather nice too, until her brother's Russian girlfriend came along, and then things were awry rather quickly.

The Russian was quite nice too. :D
 

B_AND_T

LE
Book Reviewer
#15
Biped said:
B_AND_T said:
Pervert,

Who would shag a Latvian?
ME! I actually have, and she was rather nice too, until her brother's Russian girlfriend came along, and then things were awry rather quickly.

The Russian was quite nice too. :D
Bollocks, have now got to do Summary Dealing with that image in my mind. It's just as well don't have to stand up.
 
#16
B_AND_T said:
balls, have now got to do Summary Dealing with that image in my mind. It's just as well don't have to stand up.
With such a subject matter as that I shouldn't think you will have any problem after the first 2.4 seconds......... coma, may be a problem?

edited to add....although it might be interesting depending on the offence in question? Ironic if it was of a sexual nature and you had 'difficulty in maintaining a professional front'

Sorry its Friday and I've gone off on a tangent! :D
 

B_AND_T

LE
Book Reviewer
#17
Honestly Mr Co Sir, thats starch!
 
#18
Nowt wrong with Latvian birds... or Polish or Lithuanian... £$%^^%&£%^&!

Feck that was the missus slapping me round the back of the head... (Note to self, check for shoulder surfers when posting on ARRSE)
 
#19
1. What nationality do you consider yourself? This could be you country of origin, but not necessarily.

I'm English, like it or lump it

2. Is your nationality, and sense of belonging, important to you? Do you like being the the nationality that you are? Explain.

Its great being English, dont have to bother learning a foreign language when I go abroad as a result of us being in charge of most counties at one time or another.


3. What things do you think best represent your nationality?

we've always been good at fighting, and drinking... and swearing. The frogs didnt call us god damns for nothing.


4. What customs and traditions do you celebrate that are typical of your culture?

I drink ale, not that foreign lager pish.

5. Beside Germany, have you ever visited or lived in another country? If so, where and when?

Every time I vist America, I get asked if I'm Australian, idiots.


6. Have you ever been somewhere where you have felt obviously different from the other people there?

Everytime I cross the river Erewash into Derby, I feel funny.

7. Do you enjoy meeting and living among people from other cultures and traditions? Explain.

Its so much fun, I'm glad all ours have been eradicated.


8. Is their any other culture that appeals to you? If so, what and why? If not, why not.

Is time travel an option? This country 200yrs ago wll do


9. Does your own family have any particular traditions and customs that you follow. Discuss.

Christmas isnt Christmas without the arguements
 
#20
B_AND_T said:
6. Have you ever been somewhere where you have felt obviously different from the other people there?

Does Portsmouth count?

What, we haven't got the same webbed feet and hunched back?
 

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