Darwin Award

Discussion in 'The NAAFI Bar' started by Biped, Jun 24, 2008.

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  1. Yep - nominate for a Darwin Award!

  2. No, it's too common

  3. Ooooh the poor dear.

  4. You cold-hearted barsteward you!

  1. Biped

    Biped LE Book Reviewer

    I know it's probably a bit raw right now, but who cares? Yes, I'm going to hell. :twisted:

    Got to work this morning and was just settling into me ARRSE sofa when I got a call from my very shaken missus who was due to get on a train to London this morning for a meeting.

    She asked me to come down and meet her as some blerk was on the railway line.

    Cue me, Mr Heart, leaping off to do my duty in supporting me good lady missus, and not just to see some gore.

    Gets down there, and there's all the shocked crowds and grief ghouls, and there's our boy, on the tracks, being resuscitated.

    Turns out, he's a cyclist, and he'd carted his bicycle down the steps over his shoulder and on to the platform; got back on it, started peddling, and was heard to say "Oh Gawd, nooo!" before he went off the edge of the platform, gripping his broken brake levers with everything he had. The pedal clips didn't help him has he, still attached to them, cartwheeled head first onto the live rail, whereupon he twitched and fizzled and smoked for a good five minutes before someone found the off button.

    Looks like they managed to resuscitate him, but I don't think he'll stay that way for long.

    I don't think my mentioning my urgent requirement for a burger upon sniffing the air went down too well, but hey ho, I was hungry.

    The question! Darwin Award for this man? I think so. Considered thoughts please ladeez and gennelmen.
  2. The decent part of me (if there is one) says that I should feel sorry for the loss of a life even if it was in such a stupid manner. However, cyclists break all the rules of society so I wll put my cross in the Darwin box and join Biped for a burger.
  3. Looks like I'll be joining you, I've just sat here laughing with some very strange looks from my boss. Even more strange looks when I told him the story.

    Not quite worthy of a Darwin because he hasn't managed to remove himself from the gene pool, however isn't there a sub-award for those that almost achieve their greatest gift to humanity?
  4. old_fat_and_hairy

    old_fat_and_hairy LE Book Reviewer Reviews Editor

    Living in a city that has more cyclists than just about anywhere else. All with no lights, brakes or brains I welcome his actions and speed him well on the way to cyclist heaven.

    RIP pedaller. (If he has popped his lycra yet)
  5. BrunoNoMedals

    BrunoNoMedals LE Reviewer

    Indeed. After the recent announcement that Bristol is to be turned into the UK's first "cycling city" I'm beginning to regret the fact that Abbey Wood only has a moat, and not machine gun nests.

    WTF was the tool doing riding a bike on the platform, anyway?
  6. Biped

    Biped LE Book Reviewer

    I'm so pleased. I thought maybe (for a nanosecond) that I was being a bit heartless. At the end of the day, only a proper tool would cycle on a railway platform!

    Looks like, from the time spent on the live rail, he's not long for this world, and even if he does make it, he'll be put in a bowl with some croutons.
  7. Grownup_Rafbrat

    Grownup_Rafbrat LE Book Reviewer Good Egg (charities)

    Can we auction his bike to raise money for MDN's Spanish Endeavours?

    Have a competition to name the soup?
  8. Biped

    Biped LE Book Reviewer

    Well, out of disaster, good fortune can be got. I'm up for a 'slightly soiled' bicycle auction (if I can get me hands on it), and certainly, let's get working on a name for that soup.

    I'd like to start with 'Cabbage Soup', and bid £5.00 towards MDN's auctions.
  9. "Spazsplashio" for the soup? Don't want or need the bike.
  10. Biped

    Biped LE Book Reviewer

    Bang him in a tin and you've got Fry Bentos maybe?
  11. Were there delays due to the 'wrong kind of cyclist on the line'? - actually, thinking about it, anyone foolish enough to cycle on the platform is exactly the right kind of cyclist to be attached to the rails.
  12. Biped, you seem to be in shock. Has anyone approached you to offer counselling for witnessing such a tragic event? If not then keep your mouth shut as you'll be able to claim compensation for hurt feelings in about 2 or 3 years time.

    I am telling you, it's a win win situation mate.
  13. Biped

    Biped LE Book Reviewer

    Here ya go:

    Tool breaks on line


    Turns out he was in his forties, and cycled down some steps onto the platform first!!!!

    I'm afraid we've sh!t out on the Darwin Awards thing so far, but I believe he may yet be able to get an Honourable Mention. :twisted:

    Here's a right corker from the ever-caring Network Rail: :twisted:

    Thank you MWA for that useful reminder about the delayed shock I am sure to feel. I've still got the shakes, my vision is blurred and I may not be able to sleep tonight because of nightmares. Anyone got a number for an ambulance chas . . . . erm, someone who could help me?

  14. RIP brave cyclist. Hand in your trouser clips, you've gone to the great cycle lane in the sky. LYCRA!

  15. After 5 minutes on the live rail "raw" is probably not the right word; more well done I'd have thought