Darwin Award Candidates and Natural selection

Discussion in 'The NAAFI Bar' started by cernunnos, Aug 18, 2010.

Welcome to the Army Rumour Service, ARRSE

The UK's largest and busiest UNofficial military website.

The heart of the site is the forum area, including:

  1. If that was the bathroom window, surely a bit of skiffing practice could have been undertaken by the owner of the residence.
  2. Nah. not a Darwin Award (unless the surgeon's option had been exercised...) And yes, I would have skiffed the burglar.
  3. You have to top yourself to qualify for a Darwin:

    "The Darwin Awards salute the improvement of
    the human genome by honoring those who
    accidentally remove themselves from it..."

    The Darwin Awards
  4. Exactly my point, why didn't they let him, why did the fire brigade remove the nugget from the window? If it had been my house I would have immediately taken my family on an impromptue holiday to Spain, after a fortnight he'd have made a bit of a mess but hell the bathroom is tiled.
    • Funny Funny x 1
  5. And on return have found a summons from the PC brigade and the poor 'victim's' family. You fool, you shouldn't have left the bathroom window open to trap the poor innocent crim.
    • Like Like x 1
  6. Yeah, I suppose it would mean an ASBO in the UK, but free beer and notoriety in your local.
  7. Surely a massive money making scheme has been missed here by the home owner, by erecting a tarpaulin and scaffold he could have charged the lonely gay members of the community a chance at some bum action, say £20 a go could have made enough to replace the window in a very short measure.
    • Funny Funny x 1
  8. Get your scaffolding up now.. Rear_Words will be round shortly with a tub of lube and a kitty box...
  9. Not a bad idea, chutney ferrets going at him twenty-four-seven and you could open a boarding kennels for dangerous animals in the house. "Certainly madam your rabid hyena bitches will be safe and sound with us".
  10. Did anyone else notice the other potential nomination - why you should not text whilst driving
  11. OldSnowy

    OldSnowy LE Moderator Book Reviewer

    This is my favourite recent one:

    (08-16) 12:29 PDT ISLETON, SACRAMENTO COUNTY -- An Antioch woman died after she drove off a boat ramp and into the Sacramento River while she was talking on a cell phone with her daughter, asking for directions, authorities said Monday.
    Kathleen Gomez Collier, 47, drove her Ford Expedition into the water near Isleton (Sacramento County) around 11:45 p.m. Saturday, said Officer Michael Bradley of the California Highway Patrol.
    Collier was lost on Highway 160 and was trying to find her way back to Antioch, so she stopped at Vieira's Resort to get directions, Bradley said.
    She was on the phone with her daughter when she drove onto the boat ramp at the resort, Bradley said. She paused briefly before driving into the river, the CHP said.
    Just before the call was cut off, Collier told her daughter that her car was filling up with water and to phone her insurance company, Bradley said.
    Divers found Collier's body about 9:45 a.m. Sunday.
    Lost cell-phone caller drives into river, dies

    Though I suppose she doesn't really count as she had bred already. Fine last words though - and an indication to all that, if you are female, trying to both drive and navigate - and at the same time -you are asking for death.
  12. Thought that was an officer thing, must be really screwed if you are a lumpy jumper officer.
  13. That's why they never let officers out in the field without an adult. Similarly, it's not so much that the woman tried to drive, talk and navigate at the same time, it's that she didn't have a man to supervise her ... INCOMING!
  14. (26 May 2004, Wolfsberg, Austria) The manager of an apartment house was surprised to find the legs of a corpse sticking out an apartment window. Police entered the apartment and found the deceased man's head soaking in a sink full of hot water.
    Apparently the out-of-work Austrian had returned home after a night of drinking and drugs. He decided to slip in through the kitchen window. The window was fixed at the base and tilted out, giving him just enough room to squeeze his head through as far as the sink before he got stuck. While flailing around trying to escape, he turned on the hot water tap.

    Police were not sure why he had not turned off the water, pulled the plug, or--perhaps most important--entered through the front door, since they found the keys in his pants pocket.

    So the burglar who started this thread was so close to his award.
    • Funny Funny x 1