"Dangerous jobs at the MoD"--Alan Johnson

#1
Sudden death loomed all around. The very ground held mortal danger as Blenkinsop slipped, cat-like, across Charing Cross station, fully aware that his disguise as an ordinary rail commuter could be unmasked at any moment.
Furtively, he slipped his hand into his inside pocket for the reassuring touch of his Parker ball-point, a present from his Auntie Flossie to celebrate his last promotion at the Ministry of Defence. He glanced at the faces of the hurrying crowd around him and gave himself a moment of satisfaction in the knowledge that none of the scuttling masses could comprehend the power of his pen. With one scribble he could condemn hundreds of battle-hardened soldiers to a lifetime of penury by denying their full pensions. Two loops and and a dash under his signature would set the most expensive team of Barristers in London against a lowly lance-corporal trying to claim compensation for the loss of his measley arms and legs.
“Unsung Heroes”. The Minister had called him and his colleagues. “Carrying out a dangerous and difficult job”. Too right! Who else would brave the daily commute on Southern Rail, mixing with strange folk wearing turbans and smelling of garlic for a pittance of fifty-thousand a year? Who else would live with the constant threat of a sexual harrassment charge for sticking one's hand up the skirt of an eighteen year old cock-teaser of an office junior or being a little too friendly with that nice David Beckham lookalike from Personnel?
He bitterly recalled the time that he had awoken naked, tied up with leather thongs and whipped mercilessly after the office Christmas party and been unable to claim the experience on expenses due to 'budgetary overstretch'.
But danger, Blenkinsop reminded himself, is part of the job. He thought back to the time he had signed the order for new helicopters—what? Ten years ago now. His pen, it was a Bic back then, had made the executives at Boeing very rich. The same pen had flourished a dozen times to prevent those same helicopters from taking to the air or being put to such wasteful use as operations, for if they were ever to go into action three dozen civil servants whose sole job was to sit on a committee discussing their fate would have to be re-deployed and he, Blenkinsop, would be held up as a failure. Therin lied the danger of his profession. Ridicule. Ridicule and loss of salary bonuses. It was a battle he, his subordinates and his underlings fought every day. A secret battle aginst the mortal enemies of the MoD—truth and common sense. The might of Her Brittanic Majesty's civil service was all that stood between common oiks of soldiers, airmen and sailors getting their hands on tanks, planes, guns and other working equipment that cost so much money that there would not be enough to pay for conservatories, holidays in Benidorm and the important things in life—like a broad felt-tip pen just the same as Gordon's.
 

chimera

LE
Moderator
#2
Priceless!!! :D :D :D MORE MORE!

That will have the DII servers melting
 
#4
Its like someone has been stalking my every move... :)
 
#6
Blenkinsop is the very epitomy of the saying "the pen is mightier than the sword". Which presumably why there is no shortage of pens, but there's always a shortage of the right weapons. :D
 
#11
Fcuking outstanding, sir! LMAO! :D :rofl: :clap:

Only 3 posts? If you're not a veteran ARRSEr with a secret identity, you hit the ground running, mate! 8O
 
#12
I think I met 'Blenkinsop' when he was a lowly C2. His over developed sense of danger probably grew from the responses he received when demanding the respect of enlisted men because he was "equivalent to a Major".

Sorry, I have trouble differentiating between fantasy and reality.
 
#13
Looks like his persec is not up to speed



A brilliant post and I would like to read more.
 
#17
Allegedly, Blenkinsop is already a a member of a secret on-line forum.

If this allegation is true, I think arrsers deserve to know who he is talking to !

Why can't they shout "Bang!" when they run out of ammunition?

Why can't they just have one set of C95 and wash them at the weekend?

Some people have more than one magazine, surely you can only use one at a time? and why a pistol and a rifle? let them all have pistols I say

Surely welfare access to the interweb is wasteful and contrary to DINs?

These are all important questions and only Blenkinsop can bring the truth to the desk of the Minister.

Go Blenkinsop!!
 
#18
jim30 said:
Its like someone has been stalking my every move... :)
But clearly not your pay statement (unless you've been receiving 'bonuses' :x ). I worked with an excellent C1 grade for the past few years who had more medals than some of the posters on here - and he only earned just over half my wage (please don't sign out the keys to the 'equivalence' bus). He was (is) a pretty exceptional CS and he and those like him (and there are actually quite a few) should be spared the shotgun blast of derision that this latest detail for the outrage bus has generated.

But then again he is a civvie and Blenkinsop sounds just like the weird chap in S&P :evil:
 
#20
Bubbles - I don't think anyone is stalking my paypacket except my better half! Good points on the good / bad CS - I personally think its hilarious, and the guy seems worryingly similar to people I used to work with.

How about the follow up: "Blenkinsop learns battlefield first aid drills after attempting to exercise his equivalent ranks powers of command with 2 Para mortars"
 

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