D-I-Y Pig Farmer (Good Joke for a Mr Vice)

A pig farmer has 20 female pigs on his farm, but no male pig. It was coming up to breeding time and he was becoming slightly worried. So off he went to seek advice from the vet.

"I can see your problem" said the vet, "Can i suggest artifical insemination?" "How much will that cost then?" replied the farmer "Well" continued the vet "artifical insemination is a very expensive process, it will cost you £800 per pig".

The farmer nearly choked on his tea "blimey, I can't afford that, I'm not made of money. Are you sure that's the cheapest way?". "There's always the other way" replied the vet. "What other way? Tell me?" says the farmer desperately.

The vet answers "You could always do-it-yourself" "How does that work?" asks the farmer, the vet continues "You will have to make love to each of the pigs yourself and if in the morning the pig is laid on it's back with it's trotters in the air, you know it's worked". The farmer nearly faints "I can't do that, that's disgusting" "Well it's either that or cough up 800 quid a pig" says the vet.

The farmer leaves the vets to think over the advice. After a few days the farmer comes to a decision, he swallows his pride and goes for the DIY option.

He gathers up all his pigs in his van and takes them up to the top field, where he makes love to each one. He drives them back and awaits the out-come. Morning comes ... nothing, the pigs are running around the yard acting normal. This goes on for a whole week.

"That's it, i've had enough" says the farmer. So he necks a bottle of Viagra collects all his pigs in the van and takes them to the top field, where he shags every pig at least ten times in every position imaginable.

When he comes back he is literally shagged out. He can hardly walk, he manages somehow to climb the stairs and get into bed. Before he drifts off to sleep he says to his wife "Keep an eye on those damn pigs for me, let me know if they're laid on they're back with thy're trotters in the air won't you" with that he falls into a deep sleep.

His wife excitedly wakes him in the morning "Have a look at this" she said " you won't believe what your pigs are doing" "What?!" says the farmer "Are they all laid on they're backs with they're trotters in the air?".

"No" she replies "They're all in the van beeping the horn!".
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