CSM Sensitivity...

Discussion in 'Armed Forces Jokes' started by PigGunner, Feb 7, 2013.

Welcome to the Army Rumour Service, ARRSE

The UK's largest and busiest UNofficial military website.

The heart of the site is the forum area, including:

  1. Warning! Newbie alert! Apologies if already posted or already heard.

    Private Jones' mother has a severe heart attack and passes away while he is on base. The CO was informed and he advises the CSM that it would be his grim duty to inform Jones. The CSM say's 'No problem Sar!', about turns, smartly marches out the door and convenes an immediate parade.
    'Private Jones!' he bellows, 'One step forward!' Jones jumps his one pace forward as if hit in the rear with a cattle prod and snaps to attention.
    'Jones!', bellows the CSM, 'Your mother is dead!' After a second or two of shock, Jones faints dead away from hearing the terrible news.
    After Jones is attended to, the CO says to the CSM that he should really break such news to the troops with a little more sensitivity. The CSM in agreement replies that he will be more delicate in future circumstances.
    About a month later Private Smith's father is tragically killed in a car smash, and once again it is left to the CSM to inform Smith of the dire news.
    'Remember what happened last time Sar Major...' reminded the CO. 'No problem Sar!', and off the CSM quick marched to once again get the ranks on the parade ground to deliver the terrible news.
    After the right dress and troops are rigidly at attention, the CSM roars, 'All those with fathers take one step forward!' then adds, 'Not so fast Smith!'

    Actually told to me by our CSM circa 1982.
     
  2. The punch line is "WHERE THE F#$K ARE YOU GOING SMITH" it was also in Latin cause that's how old the joke is.
     
    • Like Like x 4
  3. That'd be right.

    Utter bollox.
     
    • Like Like x 1
  4. [​IMG]

    [​IMG]

    :)

    Rodney2q
     
  5. PigGunner has not made any friends yet

    and with shit jokes like that is unlikely too...

    Krom
     
  6. Enquire in your locality if there is an historic reenactment society, preferably one that owns a huge trebuchet.

    Ask them to fire you from it into a lead block.

    Then extinguish your trouser hems.
     
    • Like Like x 2
  7. Stay in sunny Sydney f f s.
     
  8. Hip hip f*ckin' hooray! You've heard the joke before! Give yourselves a giant pat on the back......preferably with a giant f*ck off meat cleaver.

    I'm not here to make friends, I'm here for a chuckle- and you clowns deliver in spades.
     
    • Like Like x 1
  9. Ooohh, you are a joker.

    Now grab a racing spoon and eat my arse out.
     
    • Like Like x 1
  10. Snap. You cunt.
     
  11. FORMER_FYRDMAN

    FORMER_FYRDMAN LE Book Reviewer

    Creatively speaking, that is a bit of a petulant flounce.
     
  12. Stop it or I will go crying to my mum....he he he.
     
  13. Nice- shows at least someone has an inkling of intelligence.

    Yes I know....unlike yours truly.
     
  14. It says a lot that the only person that likes it is UKTAP, another chod.
     
  15. I take it that this must be the 'initiation' period...