CSM Sensitivity...

#1
Warning! Newbie alert! Apologies if already posted or already heard.

Private Jones' mother has a severe heart attack and passes away while he is on base. The CO was informed and he advises the CSM that it would be his grim duty to inform Jones. The CSM say's 'No problem Sar!', about turns, smartly marches out the door and convenes an immediate parade.
'Private Jones!' he bellows, 'One step forward!' Jones jumps his one pace forward as if hit in the rear with a cattle prod and snaps to attention.
'Jones!', bellows the CSM, 'Your mother is dead!' After a second or two of shock, Jones faints dead away from hearing the terrible news.
After Jones is attended to, the CO says to the CSM that he should really break such news to the troops with a little more sensitivity. The CSM in agreement replies that he will be more delicate in future circumstances.
About a month later Private Smith's father is tragically killed in a car smash, and once again it is left to the CSM to inform Smith of the dire news.
'Remember what happened last time Sar Major...' reminded the CO. 'No problem Sar!', and off the CSM quick marched to once again get the ranks on the parade ground to deliver the terrible news.
After the right dress and troops are rigidly at attention, the CSM roars, 'All those with fathers take one step forward!' then adds, 'Not so fast Smith!'

Actually told to me by our CSM circa 1982.
 
#4
#6
Warning! Newbie alert! Apologies if already posted or already heard.

Private Jones' mother has a severe heart attack and passes away while he is on base. The CO was informed and he advises the CSM that it would be his grim duty to inform Jones. The CSM say's 'No problem Sar!', about turns, smartly marches out the door and convenes an immediate parade.
'Private Jones!' he bellows, 'One step forward!' Jones jumps his one pace forward as if hit in the rear with a cattle prod and snaps to attention.
'Jones!', bellows the CSM, 'Your mother is dead!' After a second or two of shock, Jones faints dead away from hearing the terrible news.
After Jones is attended to, the CO says to the CSM that he should really break such news to the troops with a little more sensitivity. The CSM in agreement replies that he will be more delicate in future circumstances.
About a month later Private Smith's father is tragically killed in a car smash, and once again it is left to the CSM to inform Smith of the dire news.
'Remember what happened last time Sar Major...' reminded the CO. 'No problem Sar!', and off the CSM quick marched to once again get the ranks on the parade ground to deliver the terrible news.
After the right dress and troops are rigidly at attention, the CSM roars, 'All those with fathers take one step forward!' then adds, 'Not so fast Smith!'

Actually told to me by our CSM circa 1982.
Enquire in your locality if there is an historic reenactment society, preferably one that owns a huge trebuchet.

Ask them to fire you from it into a lead block.

Then extinguish your trouser hems.
 
#8
Hip hip f*ckin' hooray! You've heard the joke before! Give yourselves a giant pat on the back......preferably with a giant f*ck off meat cleaver.

I'm not here to make friends, I'm here for a chuckle- and you clowns deliver in spades.
 
#9
Hip hip f*ckin' hooray! You've heard the joke before! Give yourselves a giant pat on the back......preferably with a giant f*ck off meat cleaver.

I'm not here to make friends, I'm here for a chuckle- and you clowns deliver in spades.
Ooohh, you are a joker.

Now grab a racing spoon and eat my arse out.
 

FORMER_FYRDMAN

LE
Book Reviewer
#11
Hip hip f*ckin' hooray! You've heard the joke before! Give yourselves a giant pat on the back......preferably with a giant f*ck off meat cleaver.

I'm not here to make friends, I'm here for a chuckle- and you clowns deliver in spades.
Creatively speaking, that is a bit of a petulant flounce.
 
#16
^ I notice your signature block shows the commands (I assume?) Load...Action..Instant..FIRE AT WILL.

Is that from an XBox game?
 
#18
^ I notice your signature block shows the commands (I assume?) Load...Action..Instant..FIRE AT WILL.

Is that from an XBox game?
Well...I'm not sure if they are the same range commands as where you are, but they certainly were when I was bullet chucking many moons ago.
 
#20
Well...I'm not sure if they are the same range commands as where you are, but they certainly were when I was bullet chucking many moons ago.
Well, indulge me, they're not British Army so pray, do tell?

Edited to add; Bullet chucking? Eastern European or former Soviet?
 
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