CSA/Married Unaccompanied/Housing query

Discussion in 'Finance, Property, Law' started by sarge_massage_my_passage, May 30, 2011.

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  1. A few questions I hope some one can help me with:

    I am serving in Germany, but the Mrs & me are going through a rocky patch. We discussed seperating once I'm back from tour, but we're also looking at married unaccompanied (MU) as she feels that she'd have more of a life in the UK near her family. Due to busy regimental life I hardly get to see her or our 3 kids as it is; I'd probably get to see them just as much when I'm on leave.

    Basically, if we went down the MU route, can she claim for a council house in the UK? Would she have to declare her marriage or say we're seperated?

    During this time, if we did seperate, I wouldn't want the CSA involved. We have both agreed that I'd pay her a large sum (more than the CSA going rate) every month plus extras for school uniform etc. We would do this via direct debit. Would she have to announce to the relevant authorities the money she's recieving off me or could she announce that she is recieving no income? Surely it could be considered a gift as my wage would already have been taxed? I'm not keen on sending cash in case in years to come she goes running to the CSA saying I've never given her a penny, in which case I'd get hammered for lots of back dated CSA.

    Any help in this matter is greatly appreciated. Cheers
  2. I might be wrong, but if she tells the various bods that she is seperated, and then starts getting help on the back of that (ie dole, housing) then CSA are informed and they get involved. Nothing you can do. And you get anally raped with a unlubed spiky gauntlet to pay for those who don't know whose the father, whilst your better half will get less... well that is how these things usually work out.

    Have you tried asking through the CoC/welfare to see if she could move in to a surplus quarter? Or if it is getting that bad, and you aren't seeing your kids you could also ask for a posting to an ART or similar where the pace of life is a little more family.

    Failing that you could look at yourselves, have a good talk and maybe leave the Army. If you feel your marriage and family are worth more than the army.

    Re CSA payments get her to sign a contract, you can write it up. Something like I agree I am in receipt of x cash paid on y day from his bank to mine. It wont hold that much water in court but will show that she was aware of such a set up. Just in case you think she'll screw you.

    From others experience though, usually just the paper trail of money from your account to theirs, esp if it is over the odds, is all it takes.

    If you're still on tour, ask her to put it all on hold until you are back, and pref until you've finished POTL. Then find out if it is still aproblem. In the meantime, padres, relate and a few others can help.
    • Like Like x 1
  3. Firstly, this is very similar to what happened to me. I will be honest and ask you to look at this with some suspicion; is your wife looking to do this to get back to the UK and then pull the plug? It is easier for her to get back with you onside than if she leaves you in Germany.

    With regards to the CSA and maintenance. The CSA prefer people to make private arrangements and will only get involved if either party asks them to. They will not backdate any money until the date the claim has been started by either party. However do pay by standing order or bank transfer and make sure it is annotated as child maintenance in case you need to refer to it in the future.

    You would have to declare your separation and it is likely that she would also have to say she is separated. The council will no doubt go down the housing benefit route as it is quicker than waiting for a council house. Although they are also aware that married couples have SFA in the forces and so will not give her the benefit unless you are no longer together.

    She should declare all of her income when going for any benefits regardless of the fact you have already been taxed on it. Don't under any circumstances pay her in cash; if you do for whatever reason then get a receipt.

    Be prepared for the worst and that she gets set up in the UK and bails out of the relationship properly. Then standby for her to **** you around with access to the kids and blackmail you with increasing demands for 'maintenance'. This comes from bitter experience and I truly hope that it isn't the case for you.
  4. If you think that the marrage is going down the pan as it were, you can get I thin it's 6 free Relate sessions they will advise the best route for you to take, i.e sort things out and stay together or if you are better off by splitting up. You will need to go it to your Welfare Office and have a chat with them in to your curcumstances then they go to the AWS who then get in contact with Relate. (I know it is a lot of hoops to jump through but it IS worth it in the long run).

  5. True. Definitely go through your welfare office and get as much help as you can. Do not be afraid of being made out to be the 'welfare case' as your kids are more important than your personal pride. It is also a good combat indicator of your other half's intentions. If she agrees to attend then you do have some hope. If she doesn't then it is likely she is stringing this out to keep you onside.
  6. Cheers for the reply.

    I spoke to relate a few weeks back but they haven't been in touch with appointments etc, so she now thinks I've lied to her about speaking to them. We'll give that a shot but I'm not hopeful. I don't really want a posting as I'm at a mainstream unit competing for promotion to Sgt & to be fair and have no intention of leaving the army. Sounds selfish, but if it eventually does come to an end then I'll find myself divorced, in a place I don't like, a unit where I'm possibly unhappy and with less chance of promotion. I think regardless of where I was posted she'd feel the same; I think it has come to the end of the road.

    So, from what I can gather from all of your very helpful advice:

    1) We're still on good terms and are talking about this in an adult like manner, so pay by Direct Debit and convince her to chin the CSA off in exchange for the savings, the car & a bit more monthly income than what the CSA would rob off me & the extra cash as and when she requires.

    2) Ensure she declares the monthly allowance to all relevant authorities.

    3) Ensure she informs UK housing authorities that we're seperated.

    But what about the link between telling the Army we're MU (for the MU allowance) and the UK authorities we're seperated? How can the Army recognise seperation if they don't recognise engagement? If we told the Army we're MU is their a serious probability she could apply for surplus quarters near the area she wants to go to? (There is a TA camp nearby with lots of empty quarters).
  7. Go and speak to your welfare office. They will have a much better grasp on what can and can't be done.

    Don't worry about whether your wife declares your maintenance or not - she's a grown up and if she wants to fiddle the system it is up to her.

    You will need to declare your separation and move into the block when she leaves Germany (I think it's 90 days to vacate the quarter) although your welfare office will be able to give you the chapter and verse on what happens or if you can do a trial separation of a period of time without impacting on your housing situation. The difficulty is if she is coming to the UK 'separated' and you are still married but living apart she will potentially not get the housing she wants.

    Do not crucify yourself to appease her. If this is going wrong she has the potential to ignore any of the things you have done to help and still demand more.

    The point about your career is very true. Ultimately if there is the chance of saving your marriage and maintaining your career then take it, but if as it seems your marriage is over then do your best to maintain your career and meaningful contact with your kids. If this means finishing your current posting in Germany before moving back to the UK then so be it - but bear in mind you only get one shot with your kids and essentially it is only you who knows what the correct choice is.

    Good luck.
  8. Cheers for the good advice HorridLittleman
  9. Not my choice to make, and I wouldn't judge you whichever way you went.

    But remember. After 22 years the Army doesn't want you anymore. You may never get your Sgt.

    If you are in this mainstream unit all well and good. But are you competitive? A quick trip to the ART, Regt/Corps Recruiting, Cadet Training Team, capbadge phase 2 establishment, etc, etc. Could be all that is needed to make your SJAR seem that little bit 'more', than 'well done fella you've been at 'mainstream unit' for 12 years doing the 'so so'.

    Don't be so quick to write off these E2 slots. I spent 2 glorious years in a CTT, whilst there I delievered a breifing to audiences of 200+, dealt with adult instructors, TA, parents, teachers, kids from posh schools and kids from not so posh schools. I took Cadets out on to the hills and was responsible for them, took them on lakes canoing, kayaking and raft building.

    It isn't the actual task, it is the skills behind it.
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