I received the following in the post yesterday from the CSA: Dear Mr B&T Child maintenance arrears reinstated We previously decided that we would not collect £xxx that you owed for the period from xx/xx/2002 to xx/xx/2005 in child maintenance until a later time. The arrears are owed for child maintenance for: - Little B&T born on xx/xx/xx We made this decision because circumstances in 2005. However, we have now decided that you do have to pay this amount. This means that you now owe £xxx in child maintenance arrears. Please call us now and pay what you owe. You can pay by credit and debit card over the telephone. Yours sincerely A Cunt Centre Manager Now this surprised me a tad as last month they told me the case had been closed. So after a smoke and cup of tea I phoned them and after going through the identity check had the following conversation (after somebody trying to put me through to the right department). I would add that the nice lady on the other end was as helpful as she could be. Nice Lady (NL): Good afternoon you are through to xxxx Dept. Me (M): Good afternoon. I have received a letter from yourselves dated XX/Oct 10 the reference is xxxxxxxxx. NL: (Tappy tappy keyboard sounds) Is this concerning your arrears? M: Yes it is, I am a bit confused. NL: What seems to be the problem? M: Well the problem is that your asking me to pay £xxx! NL: Thats correct! M: This is the bit I am having problems with. Last month you sent me a letter saying that the case was closed. NL: Thats right Sir. M: And now your asking me to pay £xxx NL: Yes Sir. M: This is dating back to 2005! NL: Well, its from the period 02 05. M: And its taken you a possible 8 years to ask for it! NL: No Sir, it was an amount that was stopped in 2005. M: OK fair one, so not a possible 8 years only 5. NL: Thats correct. M: OK, can you tell me what this amount relates to? NL: (Tappy tappy) Yes Sir. Its a payment that was temporarily suspended in 2005. M: OK a temporarily suspended payment, can you tel .Hang on did you say temporarily? NL: Yes Sir. M: And this is from 2005? NL: Yes M: Do you consider 5 years to be temporary? NL: Well personally no! M: Me neither, temporary is when you say to a mate lend us a tenner till Friday and not lend us a tenner to some undetermined date in the future! NL: Uuumm well if you put it like that! M: Quite! Now can you tell me why this payment was suspended? NL: (Tappy tappy) There doesnt seem to be anything marked on your file! M: Nothing? NL: Well only that it was suspended! M: Let me get this right. Your asking me to pay £xxx for something that you cant tell me about. NL: So it seems. M: If I asked you to give me £xxx for something that happened 5 years ago but I couldnt tell what it was for, would you pay me? NL: Most likely not! M: Can you see my dilemma here? NL: Uuummm, let me check another part of the system .(Tappy tappy .tap tap tap tappy tap tap) Well it does say that you were told that the payment was suspended in March 06. M: Do you realise how many letters you have sent me since. NL: Well you were told! M: You also told me two and half years ago that all my arrears had been cleared. NL: Yes Sir. M: So, just to clarify, you are asking me to pay £xxx in arrears, which were cleared two and a half years ago, on a case that was closed last month, for something you cant tell me about. NL: So it seems. M: If I had to pay this by credit car and not have it taken from my wages I would tell you to poke it. NL: Well in that case we would have to take you to court. M: I would like to be at that hearing! OK, so who do I write to get this further investigated and to make a complaint. NL: Customer services at the address on the letter. M Customer Services in the CSA .Uuummmm ! NL: I wouldnt bother though. M: Why not? NL: You will still have to pay. M: Why? NL: Government rules. M: Ok, well Ill try anyway. Thanks for your help! NL: Im sorry I couldnt help anymore! M: Or help any less! NL: True. M: Thanks anyway goodbye. In all fairness to her she did have a sense of humour.. As I told NL , I will be writing to customer services but I am after ideas to use in the letter to point out how ridiculous this situation is. Any witty / humours ideas I could steal? On a side note could somebody cover my duty for 10 minutes as I need a shit?