CSA Chancers!

Discussion in 'The NAAFI Bar' started by B_AND_T, Oct 22, 2010.

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  1. B_AND_T

    B_AND_T LE Book Reviewer

    I received the following in the post yesterday from the CSA:

    Dear Mr B&T

    Child maintenance arrears reinstated

    We previously decided that we would not collect £xxx.xx that you owed for the period from xx/xx/2002 to xx/xx/2005 in child maintenance until a later time. The arrears are owed for child maintenance for:

    - Little B&T born on xx/xx/xx
    We made this decision because circumstances in 2005.

    However, we have now decided that you do have to pay this amount. This means that you now owe £xxx.xx in child maintenance arrears.

    Please call us now and pay what you owe. You can pay by credit and debit card over the telephone.

    Yours sincerely

    A Cunt
    Centre Manager

    Now this surprised me a tad as last month they told me the case had been closed. So after a smoke and cup of tea I phoned them and after going through the identity check had the following conversation (after somebody trying to put me through to the right department). I would add that the nice lady on the other end was as helpful as she could be.

    Nice Lady (NL): Good afternoon you are through to xxxx Dept.
    Me (M): Good afternoon. I have received a letter from yourselves dated XX/Oct 10 the reference is xxxxxxxxx.
    NL: (Tappy tappy keyboard sounds) Is this concerning your arrears?
    M: Yes it is, I am a bit confused.
    NL: What seems to be the problem?
    M: Well the problem is that your asking me to pay £xxx.xx!
    NL: That’s correct!
    M: This is the bit I am having problems with. Last month you sent me a letter saying
    that the case was closed.
    NL: That’s right Sir.
    M: And now your asking me to pay £xxx.xx
    NL: Yes Sir.
    M: This is dating back to 2005!
    NL: Well, it’s from the period 02 – 05.
    M: And it’s taken you a possible 8 years to ask for it!
    NL: No Sir, it was an amount that was stopped in 2005.
    M: OK fair one, so not a possible 8 years only 5.
    NL: That’s correct.
    M: OK, can you tell me what this amount relates to?
    NL: (Tappy tappy) Yes Sir. It’s a payment that was temporarily suspended in 2005.
    M: OK a temporarily suspended payment, can you tel…….Hang on did you say temporarily?
    NL: Yes Sir.
    M: And this is from 2005?
    NL: Yes
    M: Do you consider 5 years to be temporary?
    NL: Well personally no!
    M: Me neither, temporary is when you say to a mate “lend us a tenner till Friday” and not “lend us a tenner to
    some undetermined date in the future”!
    NL: Uuumm well if you put it like that!
    M: Quite! Now can you tell me why this payment was suspended?
    NL: (Tappy tappy) There doesn’t seem to be anything marked on your file!
    M: Nothing?
    NL: Well only that it was suspended!
    M: Let me get this right. Your asking me to pay £xxx.xx for something that you can’t tell me about.
    NL: So it seems.
    M: If I asked you to give me £xxx.xx for something that happened 5 years ago but I couldn’t tell what it was
    for, would you pay me?
    NL: Most likely not!
    M: Can you see my dilemma here?
    NL: Uuummm, let me check another part of the system….(Tappy tappy…….tap tap……tap……tappy tap tap)
    Well it does say that you were told that the payment was suspended in March 06.
    M: Do you realise how many letters you have sent me since.
    NL: Well you were told!
    M: You also told me two and half years ago that all my arrears had been cleared.
    NL: Yes Sir.
    M: So, just to clarify, you are asking me to pay £xxx.xx in arrears, which were cleared two and a half years
    ago, on a case that was closed last month, for something you can’t tell me about.
    NL: So it seems.
    M: If I had to pay this by credit car and not have it taken from my wages I would tell you to poke it.
    NL: Well in that case we would have to take you to court.
    M: I would like to be at that hearing! OK, so who do I write to get this further investigated and to make
    a complaint.
    NL: Customer services at the address on the letter.
    M Customer Services in the CSA…….Uuummmm……!
    NL: I wouldn’t bother though.
    M: Why not?
    NL: You will still have to pay.
    M: Why?
    NL: Government rules.
    M: Ok, well I’ll try anyway. Thanks for your help!
    NL: I’m sorry I couldn’t help anymore!
    M: Or help any less!
    NL: True.
    M: Thanks anyway goodbye.

    In all fairness to her she did have a sense of humour..

    As I told NL , I will be writing to customer services but I am after ideas to use in the letter to point
    out how ridiculous this situation is.

    Any witty / humours ideas I could steal?

    On a side note could somebody cover my duty for 10 minutes as I need a shit?
  2. NL sounds like my Geordie daughter in law(yes she works for them, no not THEM), very nice but not very helpful :)
  3. Its when I read tales of paternal woe like yours, that I realise how lucky I've been...........both my progeny were victims of cot death.
  4. Ive had three flushed down the Armitage Shank, the one I do have is far faaaaaar away and living with far batter specimins of human being.
  5. From my experience of working for what was the Inland Revenue you have two real choices.

    1) Spend time constructing a witty and brilliantly argued repost to this demand. In which case your letter will be passed around the office, possibly scanned and emailed to other offices and eventually pinned to a notice board, under the home made banner of "Customer of the week", whereby it will allow various people to have a chuckle whilst waiting for the crisps machine to be refilled.

    Meanwhile a manager will pick up your letter and if he has the time will send an equally witty response along with a final demand. If not you'll just get the final demand

    2) Man up and pay it and save yourself the time and effort of trying to beat the system.

    I suggest you do it quickly because when CSA is replaced by CMEC (the E stands for Enforcement) it'll be harder again.
  6. Porridge_gun

    Porridge_gun LE Good Egg (charities)

    Thats what you get for procreating with disabled birds.
  7. B_AND_T

    B_AND_T LE Book Reviewer

  8. I can never see the fairness in money being taken from my earnings to pay for other peoples sprogs , they have them , let them keep them.
  9. I'm saying fuck all.

    There is a fair chance that at least 3 kids (2 being twins) are wandering this Earth curtesy of my super seed, and I haven't been asked for a penny in maintenance..........yet.
  11. As much as people get stuck into this agency, YOU had the children, YOU have the responsibility and YOU will either way have to pay this. No amount of clever words or humourous letters will change that. Best you break out the chequebook really or is it for the rest of us to finance somewhere along the way?
  12. B_AND_T

    B_AND_T LE Book Reviewer

    Had Kids: Check
    Paying CSA: Check
    Paying this amount: Check
    NAAFI Bar: Check

    You dull cunt! Have I asked you to finance this? I put it in the NAAFI bar for a reason. Mostly to point out how ridiculous this situation was.

    Now be a good chap fuck off to the boring arrseholes thread and eat some broken glass.
  13. Just out of curiosity B&T, how much is the £xxxxxxxxx you owe? Just call me a nosey cnut that wants to laugh at someone elses tale of woe :)
  14. B_AND_T

    B_AND_T LE Book Reviewer

    Not quite a weeks wage, but enough!


    Your a nosey cunt!
  15. I hope its a shitload and has pissed off your weekend....btw mines a wobbly... cheers, hic