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CSA Chancers!

B_AND_T

MIA
Book Reviewer
#1
I received the following in the post yesterday from the CSA:

Dear Mr B&T

Child maintenance arrears reinstated

We previously decided that we would not collect £xxx.xx that you owed for the period from xx/xx/2002 to xx/xx/2005 in child maintenance until a later time. The arrears are owed for child maintenance for:

- Little B&T born on xx/xx/xx
We made this decision because circumstances in 2005.

However, we have now decided that you do have to pay this amount. This means that you now owe £xxx.xx in child maintenance arrears.

Please call us now and pay what you owe. You can pay by credit and debit card over the telephone.

Yours sincerely




A Cunt
Centre Manager


Now this surprised me a tad as last month they told me the case had been closed. So after a smoke and cup of tea I phoned them and after going through the identity check had the following conversation (after somebody trying to put me through to the right department). I would add that the nice lady on the other end was as helpful as she could be.

Nice Lady (NL): Good afternoon you are through to xxxx Dept.
Me (M): Good afternoon. I have received a letter from yourselves dated XX/Oct 10 the reference is xxxxxxxxx.
NL: (Tappy tappy keyboard sounds) Is this concerning your arrears?
M: Yes it is, I am a bit confused.
NL: What seems to be the problem?
M: Well the problem is that your asking me to pay £xxx.xx!
NL: That’s correct!
M: This is the bit I am having problems with. Last month you sent me a letter saying
that the case was closed.
NL: That’s right Sir.
M: And now your asking me to pay £xxx.xx
NL: Yes Sir.
M: This is dating back to 2005!
NL: Well, it’s from the period 02 – 05.
M: And it’s taken you a possible 8 years to ask for it!
NL: No Sir, it was an amount that was stopped in 2005.
M: OK fair one, so not a possible 8 years only 5.
NL: That’s correct.
M: OK, can you tell me what this amount relates to?
NL: (Tappy tappy) Yes Sir. It’s a payment that was temporarily suspended in 2005.
M: OK a temporarily suspended payment, can you tel…….Hang on did you say temporarily?
NL: Yes Sir.
M: And this is from 2005?
NL: Yes
M: Do you consider 5 years to be temporary?
NL: Well personally no!
M: Me neither, temporary is when you say to a mate “lend us a tenner till Friday” and not “lend us a tenner to
some undetermined date in the future”!
NL: Uuumm well if you put it like that!
M: Quite! Now can you tell me why this payment was suspended?
NL: (Tappy tappy) There doesn’t seem to be anything marked on your file!
M: Nothing?
NL: Well only that it was suspended!
M: Let me get this right. Your asking me to pay £xxx.xx for something that you can’t tell me about.
NL: So it seems.
M: If I asked you to give me £xxx.xx for something that happened 5 years ago but I couldn’t tell what it was
for, would you pay me?
NL: Most likely not!
M: Can you see my dilemma here?
NL: Uuummm, let me check another part of the system….(Tappy tappy…….tap tap……tap……tappy tap tap)
Well it does say that you were told that the payment was suspended in March 06.
M: Do you realise how many letters you have sent me since.
NL: Well you were told!
M: You also told me two and half years ago that all my arrears had been cleared.
NL: Yes Sir.
M: So, just to clarify, you are asking me to pay £xxx.xx in arrears, which were cleared two and a half years
ago, on a case that was closed last month, for something you can’t tell me about.
NL: So it seems.
M: If I had to pay this by credit car and not have it taken from my wages I would tell you to poke it.
NL: Well in that case we would have to take you to court.
M: I would like to be at that hearing! OK, so who do I write to get this further investigated and to make
a complaint.
NL: Customer services at the address on the letter.
M Customer Services in the CSA…….Uuummmm……!
NL: I wouldn’t bother though.
M: Why not?
NL: You will still have to pay.
M: Why?
NL: Government rules.
M: Ok, well I’ll try anyway. Thanks for your help!
NL: I’m sorry I couldn’t help anymore!
M: Or help any less!
NL: True.
M: Thanks anyway goodbye.

In all fairness to her she did have a sense of humour..

As I told NL , I will be writing to customer services but I am after ideas to use in the letter to point
out how ridiculous this situation is.

Any witty / humours ideas I could steal?

On a side note could somebody cover my duty for 10 minutes as I need a shit?
 
#5
From my experience of working for what was the Inland Revenue you have two real choices.

1) Spend time constructing a witty and brilliantly argued repost to this demand. In which case your letter will be passed around the office, possibly scanned and emailed to other offices and eventually pinned to a notice board, under the home made banner of "Customer of the week", whereby it will allow various people to have a chuckle whilst waiting for the crisps machine to be refilled.

Meanwhile a manager will pick up your letter and if he has the time will send an equally witty response along with a final demand. If not you'll just get the final demand

2) Man up and pay it and save yourself the time and effort of trying to beat the system.

I suggest you do it quickly because when CSA is replaced by CMEC (the E stands for Enforcement) it'll be harder again.
 
#9
I'm saying fuck all.

There is a fair chance that at least 3 kids (2 being twins) are wandering this Earth curtesy of my super seed, and I haven't been asked for a penny in maintenance..........yet.
 
#10
2) Man up and pay it and save yourself the time and effort of trying to beat the system.

QUOTE]

I don't have a choice as it is deducted at source.

And would you pay in this situation. If so you owe me £xxx.xx from five years ago when I lent it to you on this piss.

Yes. Because as you say it's deducted at source.

Roadster at post 10 makes a good point. CSA are like Tax Credits they don't understand their own rules. You could ask for an explanation of the calculation, but it would only delay the inevitable.

I spent the £5 on blobs and proceeded to give your ex a good seeing to without incurring the risk of being chased by the CSA. Cheques in the post.
 
#11
As much as people get stuck into this agency, YOU had the children, YOU have the responsibility and YOU will either way have to pay this. No amount of clever words or humourous letters will change that. Best you break out the chequebook really or is it for the rest of us to finance somewhere along the way?
 

B_AND_T

MIA
Book Reviewer
#12
As much as people get stuck into this agency, YOU had the children, YOU have the responsibility and YOU will either way have to pay this. No amount of clever words or humourous letters will change that. Best you break out the chequebook really or is it for the rest of us to finance somewhere along the way?
Had Kids: Check
Paying CSA: Check
Paying this amount: Check
NAAFI Bar: Check

You dull cunt! Have I asked you to finance this? I put it in the NAAFI bar for a reason. Mostly to point out how ridiculous this situation was.

Now be a good chap fuck off to the boring arrseholes thread and eat some broken glass.
 
B

blindfire

Guest
#17
Nothing can piss me off that much, apart from a caravaning holiday with Kinsellam.

Pass me a can!
you can have a bottle of Paderborner....help yourself, it was 5 euros a crate in Kaufland, in fact take 2 Im almost feeling sorry for you, hic
 
#18
You could always send a copy of your letter to the BBC 1's 'Watchdog' Consumer Affairs programme..... I'm sure Our Annie will be pleased......

"Send your story to Watchdog and it could feature in an upcoming programme.
If you have a story you'd like Watchdog to investigate, we'd love to hear from you. From the drop-down menu below, choose the subject heading your story best fits into (or select Miscellaneous if you're not sure), then fill out the form leaving details of your story.

We may wish to contact you to discuss your story further, so please don't forget to fill out the form leaving your email address or contact phone number".

If you have problems using the form below, you can email your story to watchdog@bbc.co.uk.

Your'e lucky British Gas isn't on your case as well, asking for back payments for the last 50 years...
 

B_AND_T

MIA
Book Reviewer
#19
You could always send a copy of your letter to the BBC 1's 'Watchdog' Consumer Affairs programme..... I'm sure Our Annie will be pleased......

"Send your story to Watchdog and it could feature in an upcoming programme.
If you have a story you'd like Watchdog to investigate, we'd love to hear from you. From the drop-down menu below, choose the subject heading your story best fits into (or select Miscellaneous if you're not sure), then fill out the form leaving details of your story.

We may wish to contact you to discuss your story further, so please don't forget to fill out the form leaving your email address or contact phone number".

If you have problems using the form below, you can email your story to watchdog@bbc.co.uk.

Your'e lucky British Gas isn't on your case as well, asking for back payments for the last 50 years...
I might just do that! However I don't really want to drop the woman I spoke to in the shit as she did her best, on the other hand...........
 
#20
I had broadly the same situation last year and it cost me £820 to clear. Mr Ian Duncan Smith has set them a target for cash to collect this year so welcome to my world mate !!, if it goes to court your fecked as they just get a liability order and it then becomes a legal debt.

Although one shining ray of light in the dark tunnel of dealing with them was a reply to a letter I sent to them in which they denied my claim that "they were a bunch of incompentent dullards who are outmatched in the intelligence stakes by a pavement slab", and no I did not misspell "incompetent" there, that is EXACTLY how they spelt it in the reply !!
 

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