"crude, tasteless" sexual depictions in published

Discussion in 'The NAAFI Bar' started by Fuchs66, Dec 14, 2004.

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  1. http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/entertainment/4091643.stm

    There's a prize for it :lol:

    Can anyone find anything better than:

    Slither slither slither slither went the tongue, but the hand that was what she tried to concentrate on, the hand, since it has the entire terrain of her torso to explore and not just the otorhinolaryngological caverns.
    Oh God, it was not just at the border where the flesh of the breast joins the pectoral sheath of the chest no, the hand was cupping her entire right - Now! She must say 'No, Hoyt' and talk to him like a dog...

    woof woof :lol:
     
  2. How's This?::

    " I love you," she said, caressing his elbow as if it were the very centre of his Being. A strong sea wind blew her long auburn hair into his face, and momentarily blinded, he pulled her to him and lifted her chin slightly so that her lips were poised to meet his. As they kissed, she was transported through Time Eternal to another plane of Being.
    " I love you more than I have ever loved anything or anyone in my life, " he said as the breeze made her tresses slap him mercilessly about the head. Gently spitting her hair out of his mouth, he kissed her again and again. Soon, she became conscious of something hard and firm pressing against her tender loins.
    " Your sword, " she whispered in his ear. " Your sword is making a dent in my Person. "
    But, it was not his sword, as she would find out later. ..It was his pistol...
     
  3. "Get yer kit off"
    Me :D
     
  4. RTFQ

    RTFQ RIP

    From "The Annals of Gna'ash" by RTFQ:

     
  5. Jesus RTFQ , I'm getting wood.






    " i am cornholio" :lol: :lol: i haven't heard that for f*cking ages.
     
  6. Alternatively:

    "He grabbed the lapels of her cnut and pulled it on like a well-worn sea boot..."
     
  7. RTFQ

    RTFQ RIP

    Another titbit from "The Annals of Gna'ash" by RTFQ bublished by penguin books (£5.99 in BargainBooks). Don't let the ladies read this, they'll start leaking like a fcuked fridge.

     
  8. have you got a camera in my room?????
     
  9. Or, in Northern foreplay parlance; "Is tha' wet yet muther?"
     
  10. WTF are "otorhinolaryngological caverns"?? 8O
     
  11. Is it a sort of "bat cave"?
     
  12. RTFQ

    RTFQ RIP

    ENT - Ear, Nose and Throat. Why you'd be tonguing someones nose though I know... Some people are just plain wrong. :oops:
     
  13. HOLY F*CK !!!

    just told the bird about your book , she says it was an urban myth at her school , the legend went thus.
    "she whoevereth reads the annals, wilst faint to a sexual coma whilst fizzing at the bunghole"

    where would this sacred text be available ?

    is there some sort of warning that goes with it??
     
  14. RTFQ

    RTFQ RIP

    It's dead expensive in posh shops like Waterstones and ottakers, so I'll do ARRSE a favour; every so often (probably coinciding with when I get bored in the office) I'll send a snippet in, I might even release some of my unpublished work.

    The warning runs thus:

    Don't read it - it's bollox :wink:
     
  15. Cutaway

    Cutaway LE Reviewer

    Is it hell bollox RTFQ, it's sheer poetry !

    If you don't send some more so I can get onto the vinegar strokes soon, I'll have to slam this thing in the car door.