Crude poems

TheIronDuke

ADC
Book Reviewer
#7
Yeah, I have something of a reputation as a poet. I have only published one slim volume but it was very well received. Here is an extract....

De Dah De Dah De Dah De Dah,
De Dah De Dah De Dah,
De Dah De Dah De Dah De Dah,
De Dah De Dah De Dah,
And up your fucking arse.

There are more verses but I wont bore you.
 
#13
I heard one from an RAAF bloke in the late 70s. All I can now remember (as I was inebriated at the time) was the opening line which went - "A bunch of the boys were beating it up at the Malibu Saloon". Can anyone help?

I do remember this one though -
"His head was bare. His matted hair
Laid half-buried in the sand.
When in the far-off distance
He spied his native land.
Australia! You fuckin' beaut!
So - up the old red rooster
And sink more p1ss!"
 
#15
Charlie Charlie Chuck Chuck had three ducks.

[video=youtube;kh3XOZKDNAQ]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kh3XOZKDNAQ[/video]
 

TheIronDuke

ADC
Book Reviewer
#17
Roses are red
Violets are blue
Im going to fuck you with a rake!
Fuck off. This is a thread with poems. Blue does not rhyme with Rake. Not even close.

I'm going to fuck you with a pool cue might work? Try this...

Roses are red
My Dad was called Ted
Violets are blue
I'm going to fuck you with a pool cue.

Better I feel?
 
#19
My Grandfathers Cock. (sung to the tune of "My Grandfathers clock")

My Grandfathers cock was too long for his jock
so it dragged 90 years on the floor.
It was longer by far than the old man himself
but it weighed not a penny weight more.

With a horn on the morn of the day that he was born,
and a horn on the day that he died.
My Grandfathers cock was too long for his jock
but it stood for his honour and his pride.
 
#20
The Army Dance:

First there came the general's wife,
And she was dressed in grey, sir,
And in her quite enormous quim,
She had a brewer's dray, sir.

Next there came the colonel's wife,
And she was dressed in red, sir,
And in her quite enormous quim,
She had a feather bed, sir.

Next there came the major's wife,
And she was dressed in pink, sir,
And in her quite enormous quim,
She had a kitchen sink, sir.

Next there came the captain's wife,
And she was dressed in blue, sir,
And in her quite enormous quim,
She had some four-by-two, sir,

Next there came the sergeant's wife,
And she was dressed in black, sir,
And in her quite enormous quim,
She had a chimney stack, sir.

Next there came the corporal's wife,
And she was dressed in brown, sir,
And in her quite enormous quim,
She had all Tidworth town, sir.

(From The Faber Book of War Poetry)
 

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