Crocodiles & Celebs

Discussion in 'Miscellaneous Jokes' started by shagnasty, Sep 13, 2010.

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  1. Man walks into a pub with his pet crocodile in tow. Goes to the bar and asks, “I say barman do you serve celebrities here? “We most certainly do,” replies the barman. “In that case,” says our friend, “ I’ll have a pint of bitter for myself and a celebrity for the crocodile.”

    “Coming right up sir.” With that the barman serves up a frothy pint, goes into the back and comes out with Bruce Forsyth. Naturally he’s kicking and screaming as the barman hoists him over the bar right into the hungry croc’s jaws.

    A little later the bloke orders the same again, a pint for himself and a celebrity for the croc. Same sequence of events as before, the barman pours the ale then nips into the back dragging Jimmy Tarbuck kicking and screaming up and over the bar to the waiting croc. Snap! Goes another celeb.

    As it’s getting on for closing time our friend asks the croc if he wants one for the road. The crocodile nods - as crocs do. “Landlord,” quoths our man, “We’ll have one for the road, another of the same if you please.”
    “Pints Ok,” says the barman, “ but we’re running out of celebrities, ‘fraid all I can offer the crocodile is a midget that once starred in a James Bond movie.

    “No way,” says our friend, “ Once he starts on the shorts there’ll be no end of trouble!”