Credit Crunch Hits Spank Bank

I've never been a big fan of the olf Frankey Vaughan, mainly because I've always had far filthier/sicker stuff stored in memory/imagination. (That said, I had to delete the years 0 - 13 to make room for the early years in Germany).

The problem is that after a few months of enforced celibacy I seem to have w*nkrupted myself and there is nothing left in the bank.

So, ideas for masturbation fantasies needed please.

Gay sh*t not welcome

Animals and noncing, tasteful suggestions only please
Why are you celibate? Get yourself out this weekend, go to Workington and go to a bar called Yankees, you will not fail to pull 8)
Celibacy implies that it is your choice. Lack of sex because you are fcuk-ugly and skint is just life.

But, providing your mental imagery is up to it, some long term deposits for your wank bank:

Charlize Theron, wearing only a Saffers rugby top, begging you to ruck her senseless in the middle of Twickenham with 50000 screaming supporters. (Heave!!!!!)

Lucy Liu, and her identical twin sister, forced by the current worldwide recession to work as chamber maids. One has a feather duster, the other an industrial strength vacuum cleaner with several specialised heads.

Margaret Thatcher has developed a rare disease that is forcing her to age backwards. She now has the body of a sixteen yr old, complete with pigtails and knee high socks. The only thing stopping her from regressing through puberty is being used and abused on an hourly basis.

The Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have invented a new drinking game involving large tins of swarfega, conger eels and a paint shaker. They desperately need someone to hand out towels.

Scientists discover that sperm applied topically cures Spina Bifida. Thousands of wheelchair bound mutants across Britain are dying for you to spaff a load over them.

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