Creature Comforts

Discussion in 'The NAAFI Bar' started by Gazareth, Aug 5, 2007.

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  1. Most of us have been there. Sat alone in a tent, your mind wandering back home to the things you miss most. Friends, Family, a cold beer, the feeling of a summers breeze on your skin. Before you know it you'r running through all your previous and current girlfriends. You feel a little tingle in your pants. You decide not to fight it and delve into your endless bank of w@nking material in your head. You've gone too far and there's only one thing for it so, trying to hide your lob on, sneak off to the local thunderbox for a handy shandy. You sweat your tits off, barely able to keep conciousness and at the end of it all your left feeling deflated and unsatisfied. Your hand just doesn't cut the mustard any more but thousands of miles away from the real thing what can you do???

    Well that's where a good friend of mine helps out. On a recent (extremely tedious) exercise we had the good fortune for some battle prep in westdown camp. He proceeded to tell us all his answer for the above dilema on telic a couple of years ago. After much thought and experimentation he came up with the Homemade Pussy. It couldn't be simpler and it's very discreet. All you need is a towel, a latex glove (available at all good RAP's) and any kind of moisture (baby oil or lube works best).

    Just follow my step by step instructions for an authentic taste of home.

    PS be sure to make sure your corimec, tent is secured so you are not caught on the vinegar strokes by your troop staffy!!!

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  2. Secondly place the latex glove at one end of the towel

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  3. Thirdly roll the glove and towel up together

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  4. Next peel the top of the glove around the top of the towel so it is nice and tight

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  5. ahhh what do i do now
  6. Now add a generous squirt of your favourite lube

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  7. Finally enjoy

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  8. Enjoy? how? By hitting someone over the head with it and then having sex with a REAL GIRL
  9. You have never been with a real girl have you :twisted:
  10. The beauty of this is that it can innocently be prepped in advance and taken to the ablutions under the pretence of having a shower. I wouldn't recommend rolling it too tight as the gloves have a tendency to rip the more excited you get, and obviously the gloves are easily replaceable.
  11. meh, the 5 knuckle shuffle is a cheaper and more readily availible option
  12. Mummy says I'm just a late bloomer
  13. Right I'm assuming that you own at least one towel (especially as we're issued with two)

    Like I said gloves are free from the med centre, RAP etc....

    As for lube just pretend you're making your own porno and spit, thats pretty cheap and readily available.

    Come on, variety is the spice of life and all that...
  14. that looks remarkably like the 'prison buddy' FHM made some years ago
  15. the problem is id end up appearing as a hypochondriac with a latex fetish :p