Creative names for the Doris

It's always interesting to see what you can get away with. My oppo has slowly but surely introduced his current gf to the knowledge that she is a rat. Such that she now even refers to herself as one.

Liking this idea, I attempted to introduce the latest squeeze to this concept. I received a swift elbow to the grid for my trouble. It seems I can get away with nicknaming her Flipper (laughs like a dolphin) but this is a bridge too far...

So what have the learned ARRSE community got away with calling 'er indoors in the past?
My ex-wife was under the impression my calling her "Muppet" was a term of affection... She was wrong.
My ex wasn't keen on "fatso" as our relationship entered it's twilight years... Not that she was huge but it was definitely starting to show... :cry:
What ever you do, dont give your mrs a nick name like thrush.

My mrs said, are you calling me thrush because im a cute little bird? I replied, no, its because you are an irritating cnut. ;)


Book Reviewer
My ex thought my mates called her Twisty because she could dance.

Two years after we split up some tosser told her the truth. I'm not sure she has forgiven me.
Call my current mrs "milly"

She asked if it's because I think the name is cute.

I said no, is short for millstone, you're like a fricking millstone around my neck.....
My mate Pete called his wife Elliot, took me a while to work that one out.
Wife Type. And she seems to like it. Otherwise she is known as "the current Mrs ..."
I get away with Pig.

But when I tried to name the dogs breath after her today she wasn't impressed.
I used to call my ex missus Freddie, "is that because I like Freddie Mercury so much and sing queen records all the time" she asks, to which which I had to reply "yes"to keep the peace. :wink:
The reality was she was called Freddie as in the psychotic slasher Freddie Kruger because she murdered every Queen song and was a bit psychotic herself every 21 days and always hung around the knife draw for some reason. :twisted:
I used to refer to the Jade Dream as my 'spring chicken', until I found out that a very similar phrase in Chinese means 'prostitute'.

I wondered about the frosty reception it got, I must admit.

Similar threads

Latest Threads