Creative names for the Doris

#1
It's always interesting to see what you can get away with. My oppo has slowly but surely introduced his current gf to the knowledge that she is a rat. Such that she now even refers to herself as one.

Liking this idea, I attempted to introduce the latest squeeze to this concept. I received a swift elbow to the grid for my trouble. It seems I can get away with nicknaming her Flipper (laughs like a dolphin) but this is a bridge too far...

So what have the learned ARRSE community got away with calling 'er indoors in the past?
 
#2
My ex-wife was under the impression my calling her "Muppet" was a term of affection... She was wrong.
 
#3
My ex wasn't keen on "fatso" as our relationship entered it's twilight years... Not that she was huge but it was definitely starting to show... :cry:
 
#4
What ever you do, dont give your mrs a nick name like thrush.

My mrs said, are you calling me thrush because im a cute little bird? I replied, no, its because you are an irritating cnut. ;)
 

TheIronDuke

ADC
Book Reviewer
#5
My ex thought my mates called her Twisty because she could dance.

Two years after we split up some tosser told her the truth. I'm not sure she has forgiven me.
 
#8
Call my current mrs "milly"

She asked if it's because I think the name is cute.

I said no, is short for millstone, you're like a fricking millstone around my neck.....
 
#10
My mate Pete called his wife Elliot, took me a while to work that one out.
 
#11
Wife Type. And she seems to like it. Otherwise she is known as "the current Mrs ..."
 
#14
I get away with Pig.

But when I tried to name the dogs breath after her today she wasn't impressed.
 
#16
I used to call my ex missus Freddie, "is that because I like Freddie Mercury so much and sing queen records all the time" she asks, to which which I had to reply "yes"to keep the peace. :wink:
The reality was she was called Freddie as in the psychotic slasher Freddie Kruger because she murdered every Queen song and was a bit psychotic herself every 21 days and always hung around the knife draw for some reason. :twisted:
 
#17
I used to refer to the Jade Dream as my 'spring chicken', until I found out that a very similar phrase in Chinese means 'prostitute'.

I wondered about the frosty reception it got, I must admit.
 

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