Create our next TV ad (Marston's Pedigree)

Marston’s want suggestions for their “Fantasy & Reality” Pedigree
ads. As they say “Simply tell us your version
of fantasy & reality & you could win a case of Pedigree and
see your ad become a reality.
My first thought was Camilla Parker-Bowles lookalike getting a
bloody good seeing to by James Hewitt lookalike on a
boat in the middle of the Serpentine whilst Prince Charles lookalike,
in full Navy Dress with decorations watches from the bank through a
pair of binoculars whist greedily guzzling pints of pedi!
More suggestions............!
Fantasy vs. Reality?

Get TCH to explain how he expects us to deploy in as many theatres as we are, yet still cut costs and maintain manning.

Or [RANT] to remind us all of how well equiped we are with everyone having CBA with inserts if required, how well the SA80 is selling ( so goood its been bought by.... err... just the MoD, actually ), or
how well out comms kit works ( Go ORANGE, over ); or
why the Navy will not require an air defense aircraft for a few years after Harrier is retired, or
why 1BW have blokes sleeping in corridors with pots to catch the leaks from the ceiling or ( etc etc ) or
Why WR does not have a stabilised gun: or
Why TYPHOON has a lump of concrete INSTEAD of a gun or
Why the TA is required in such numbers in Iraq when we have a fully manned Regular Army or etc etc etc

Fantasy - TCB admits he has been a lying cnut, TCH is a useless cnut, Prescott is a simple cnut, and Campbell is total cnut and the biggest stirring gob-sh1te of all time.

Reality - They are all honourable gentlemen, the pride of the country.

Well, that's their reality.
Fantasy- Michel Howard getting into 10 Downing St
Reality - Michel Howard NOT getting into 10 Downing St

How about something on a beer related theme?

Fantasy - A scene showing people in a local pub, chatting and perhaps playing pool or darts. It shows people enjoying a smooth, refreshing pint of Marston's and maybe watching the football on a big screen. The camera pans round to show the main character, someone good looking and famous, finishing his pint with a wry smile and going to order another.

Fast forward to >>>>>

Reality - A group of squaddies in the squadron bar, gobbing off and perhaps seeing how many 2p pieces they can fit under their foreskin. The squaddies are drinking whatever they can get their hands on, in some cases Brasso and orange juice, while watching a group of friends playing 'tractor pulls' on a nearby table. The camera pans round to show the main character, in Ben Sherman shirt and KSB's, slumped in the corner with a rapidly growing dark patch around his crotch. He finishes his drink and with a wry smile farts and follows through.

If anyone from Marstons is reading this you can have the idea for 25% of the profits. Any takers?
Fantasy:- i am sitting drinking a pint of marstons and in walks a tall swedish blonde :twisted: She sits next to me and next thing you know she is all over me.

Reality:- i awake from my dream to find the wife lying pissed on the naafi floor in a pool of sick unfortunately i head butted her as i threw up after a good sesh. 8O
Fantasy: A pint of well-kept, finest, Real Ale served in my "Local" by a genial host.

Realty: Chemical, Tetley's "Smoothy," served by a spotty Chav who doesn't give a fcku.


Kit Reviewer
Fantasy- Cpl_ripper making a sensible political voting decision.

Reality - Cpl_ripper voting Labour - "because my family always has" - regardless of reality.

I can only refer to Mark Twain...... 8O
Fantasy: Cpl Ripper votes Labour and due to his vote, the country becomes the Utopia claimed by Die Partei.

Reality: Cpl Ripper votes Labour and the country falls deeper into the pit of despair and The Congo has to give us Aid due to our Third World Status, Lichtenstein invades and the Belgiques tell us to drive on the left.

Ripper, you clearly are not or never have been a serving member of HM Forces if your Political leanings are towards this Govn. If you are or have, it would be akin to a small seal pup setting up a stall on an Arctic ice cap, selling a local area map and a bag of 9'' nails to a large Canadian chap armed with a piece of 4x2 and a gutting knife.
Fantasy: A pint of Timothy Taylor's finest Landlord.
Reality: Landlord's off. Have pint of this Marston's widdle.
Fantasy: Guy walks in to pub, orders a pint of Marsdons, sits down and is surrounded by beautiful girls in bathing suits asking him if he is a soldier back from Irac!!!!!!!!!!!

Reality: Guy sitting on a thunder box in the desert with a small hessian screen around, his eyes closed, and his mate on the next thunder box saying "go on then, so what you goona do when you get home!!!" Camera pans round to the wide open desert with sod all in sight.