Crash out the NAFFI QRF i have just sh1t myself

#1
Ok between 1800 hours and 02.00 hours yesterday i consumed a large amount of Newcastle brown ale and various nibble of Indian origin. i continued drinking at 15.00 hours today letting off farts of substantial odour but at 23.15 hours i let one go and felt the warm runny feeling down my leg what signified a bum gravy explosion. I dived into IA drill such as stripping and showering then throwing the soiled items into the wash i need to know what i may have missed as the gf is away for the night and i want to keep my indiscrestion secret here is a photo of the offending article
 

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#4
Check and test dear boy. Make sure there is no offending poo anywhere. You know you'll miss some and Mrs JDL will find it and flay you alive.
 
#5
You want to keep the "indiscrestion secret" and you are posting here???

Brilliant move :D


PS must of been a great night!
 
#7
I have done this following a heavy night on the Black Stuff. I can recommend Cillit Bang and Febreze to assist your clear-up
 
#8
Alternatively, switch your tipple of choice to Cillit Bang and Fabreze. Mine's Toilet Duck but the effect's the same. You'll still get fcuked up but when your ricker turns itself inside out you will only leave the place cleaner than when you started, thus ensuring that everyone is indeed a winner.
 
#9
don't over clean, done that before and still got caught out, as when mrs p_p came home everything was smelling nice and fresh, dead give away!
 
#10
If its not gonna stain spill beer on stuff, the wife will know you got drunk but wont suspect you cr@pping yourself

Oh and put the washer on a few times empty to ensure that when she does a white wash it doesn't come out brown
 

The_Duke

LE
Moderator
#11
Work smart, not hard.

Don't try and clean up the mess beyond a reasonable effort - you will only get caught out in the end.

Instead, turn an embarassment into a source of sympathy. Minimise the mess from the booze down to a "couple of pints at Christmas" level. Then, go shopping for satsumas, dried fuits and other "healthy" stuff. Throw the contents away, but scatter the peel and wrappings liberally around the kitchen. Also, go skip diving for a couple of out of date packets of vol au vents or other such queggy foods.

Et voila - You had a couple of quiet drinks, and thought that rather than the usual festive over indulgence, you would be healthy and eat loads of fruit, and a couple of party bits that were in the reduced to clear aisle. Would you believe it, they must have been off. You were as sick as a dog, and even had "a bit of an accident".

Done well, it will be easier than trying to clear up to a forensic approved standard and may even get a bit of sympathy.
 
#13
Why is Gods name did you feel the need to post a photo of the ginger wheel spins? That is just nasty!
 
#15
Get a grip!!!!! Leave the mess and then tell her to clean it on her return?! :twisted:
 
#16
Had a similar problem in Dublin following a weekend on the Blackstuff (why so nice over there, but sh*t over here?) Bought some new from M & S and left the tarnished ones for the cleaner....

Editted for mongness....
 

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