Crap weight loss..........

Discussion in 'The NAAFI Bar' started by TheBigUn, Mar 5, 2009.

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  1. You too can try this at home.

    All you need is a set of bathroom scales somewhere in the vicinity of where you drop your load. When conducting my usual three S’s morning ablutions (shit, shower, shave) I decided to weigh myself pre and post defecation to see if there would be any significant weight difference.

    Gingerly stepping onto the bathroom scales I weighed in at an impressive 19 stone and 7 pounds. I then proceeded to take a seat on the good old white Twyfords chair and drop my breakfast and lunch from the previous day while listening to the newspaper reviews on BBC radio 2.

    After making sure I was fully emptied, an operation which took somewhere in the region of 5 - 7 minutes, and after having a jolly good wipe I then got back onto the weighing scales and surprisingly enough I then weighed in at 19 stone and 5 pounds.

    A total loss of 2 pounds, (that’s 0.9072 kgs for all you young ‘uns) which means I was harbouring nearly a kilo of crap, piss and wind.

    Try it out, post the results on here and let’s see if anyone is full of more shit than I am.
  2. I must admit, I'm no stranger to having a dump that was so voluminous that my first thought, on inspection was "damn, I wished I'd done a pre-dump weigh-in"..
  3. I'll have to wait until the morning now, as this is when my biggest volume of crap and piss is let free.
  4. I would suggest that management (in whatever guise) would be good at testing this theory out. They're all full of piss and crap anyway!
  5. I would love to, but Im bunged up like a NIG on the last week of an FTX.

    I need to de - bung, I dont want to try the usual senokot as it makes me sh*t for a full day, something nice and mellow to gradually free me of 4 days worth of John Smiths, chips, curry and pies.

    Any ideas?
  6. • Include lots of fibre in your diet, along with raw fruit and veg.
    • Drink a minimum of 8 glasses of water or juice a day.
    • Exercise regularly
    • Avoid drinks containing caffeine and alcohol as these cause dehydration.
    • Avoid highly processed and junk foods.
    So basically eat and drink the opposite to what you have been doing.

    And as an aside to my initial post I do drop one late afternoon as well. I might try and store up for a full 24 hour period and see if I can beat my 2lb record? :wink:
  7. BrunoNoMedals

    BrunoNoMedals LE Reviewer

    I'd simply recommend something with jalapenos.
  8. Now there's something Jade Goody wishes she could do lol
  9. I didn't have an accurate set of bathroom scales when I did this - too hard to be sure of small changes - so I went for the "newspaper and cooking scales" option. Just over a kilo and not a recommended method - "doings" out of water really honk.
  10. I like the way this makes it sound like a thing that people do.

    What did you do with it then? Put it in the recycling?
  11. sssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh. not so loud the thread will be binned.
  12. I shook my head at first.. then laughed so all's good :eek: :twisted:
  13. ..........imagine balling the fecker up and then trying to flush it, until finally you are hurling homebrew bins of water at it to get it round the u-bend. Not a good hour.
  14. BrunoNoMedals

    BrunoNoMedals LE Reviewer

    Schoolboy error. Why would you attempt to flush away such a tremendous potential prank/weapon/sex toy? I'd've had it overarm onto the nearest dual-carriageway or irritating neighbour's garden/dog the second it went dark.