Crap Excuses that Worked!

Discussion in 'The NAAFI Bar' started by Moodybitch, Mar 22, 2005.

Welcome to the Army Rumour Service, ARRSE

The UK's largest and busiest UNofficial military website.

The heart of the site is the forum area, including:

  1. My excuses never work!

    After coming in to work tired and hungover I was encouraged by a member of ARRSE to see what I could steal from my boss to combat the boredom of my day..

    My boss has returned and discovered I nicked his hole punch from his desk while he was out, along with his tub of Vaseline! (Don't ask!)

    'RTFQ made me do it' apparently is not a good excuse? And now I am being made to pick all the anal pubes out of the tub as a punishment.

    Whats the most crap excuse you have ever given.....and got away with?
  2. er - the big boys done it then ran away!
  3. Turned up to a very important national meeting 40 mins late (0940 for a 0900 start) and simply said my flight was held in a stack causing me to be a tad late....

    Funny... everyone bar the meeting host knew I drove in and live only 22 miles away form heathrow. :D :D :D Should have seen the expressions on the faces of some of those assembled... I even convinced myself it was true... 8O
  4. RTFQ



    Give me your boss's phone number and I'll call him. I will inform him that under the emergency powers now enshrined in the anti terrorism act, I authorised you, under the provisions of section 6, to go through his place of work and search for signs of activity prejudicial to national security. I will explain that the hole punch could be used to hijack an aeroplane and that the vaseline could easily be a slurry-type explosive popular with the Jihad group, the People's Popular Front of Judea (Splitters).

    I will then explain that he is lucky that I didn't have him shot, and that due to your loyalty and devotion to the security of this fine country, you should be promoted and allowed the day off.
  5. A good one for being adrift in the morning; when you opened the front door, you found the exit was blocked by a Mixy-Blob, and you just could not throw a double-six....:)
  6. " But Sir,He's an ex-regular!!!!"

    Works every time,and no one ever bothers to check!
  7. Working for a multinational bank HQ in London, my best man, who grew up just South of the Notts/South Yorks border (but within sight of the A1!) used to check the national weather forecast on the Monday breakfast news and if there was snow North of Watford, was in the habit of rocking up to work mid to late morning in walking boots, jeans and Gortex, on the basis that he'd 'been home for the weekend and got snowed in'. The chinless inbreds in the city, none of whom had been further North than Islington, lapped it up. This was, apparently, good for three or four 'going back to bed on Monday mornings' a year. Slick drills, I say.
  8. In camp - I've just got to nip to the admin office usually works, or what about the young Pl Comds favourite when digging in - well done sig I've just got to go for 'ConfimOs'! They get away with it every time.
  9. My colleague usually gets in trouble with our accs dept for using london cabs instead of the underground

    Her excuse is that she sees people that look like suicide bombers and is too scared to get on the tube.
  10. What do they look like? Red, gooey and spread all over the place? I can see how that might be upsetting, especially if it's on the seats! I mean the chewing gum and p!ss is bad enough. 8O
  11. many moons ago , Had a couple too many sherbets on a payday Next morning rolls in , late, Gaffer waiting in the office for me ,gives me down the banks , finaaly ending with "So whats your excuse", to which I replied that I had dreamt(?) that I had lost a fiver and I was buggered if I was gonna wake up until I found it. needless to say, loads a cr@p jobs for weeks after