Crabs -the other kind.

Discussion in 'The NAAFI Bar' started by Nutstrangler, Oct 29, 2004.

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  1. Pediculosis Pubis, or, The Pattering of Tiny Feet Upon The Private Parts

    Should you,(Not that anyone here would), or any of your aquaintances ever suffer from the above, here is a sure-fire remedy:-

    1) Undress completely - yes, that's right, bare nekkid!

    2) Obtain a large mirror, and lay it on the floor , facing upwards.

    3) Stand on the mirror, - gently, you don't want to break it.

    4) Now squat, bringing the parts into close proximity with the mirror.

    5) The crabs with which you have been inflicted, will see their own

    reflections in the mirror.

    6) Not being too clever , they will think they see a rival tribe.

    7) Being agressive little boggers, they will rush down to attack the enemy.

    8) You then leg it, a bit quick, like, leaving the crabs to snuff it.

    This works - trust me on that! :D :D
  2. There speaks the voice of experience 8O
  3. Actually, I was told about that by a matelot. :oops:

    My own way was to pour whisky over them, they get pissed and beat each other to death. :wink:
  4. Or then set light to the Whisky. 8O
  5. I once had them in my eyebrows!!
  6. Tried that, stings a bit, don't it! 8O
  7. The ultimate crab disposal system:

    Shave off one side of your pubic hair
    Set light to remaining half
    Beat crabs to death with hammer as they escape flames

    Hey presto - no more crabs!!! :D
  8. Shave off all public hair except for a thin 'landing strip'. Call this bit the 'tree line'

    Whilst playing 'ride of the valkyries' shout very loudly;

    'I want that goddam tree line bombed, so its safe to surf this beach etc etc'

    Have friend pour tipex over 'tree line'.


    Engage friend in conversation thus;

    You smell that?
    You smell that?
    Napalm son, nothing else in the world smells like that etc etc.