Crab Joke

Discussion in 'OTC and ACF' started by abeaumont, Nov 21, 2006.

Welcome to the Army Rumour Service, ARRSE

The UK's largest and busiest UNofficial military website.

The heart of the site is the forum area, including:

  1. No that was not a spelling mistake - I do know the difference between a b and a p.

    A colleague, a crab officer in our contingent has sent me an awful joke, and as one of the pongo variety I seek revenge. His attempt is copied below and I seek a joke even more cringeworthy, to use in retaliation.

    Stand by:



    Two Mexicans are stuck in the desert, wandering aimlessly and close to
    death. They are close to just lying down and waiting for the
    inevitable,
    when suddenly...

    "Hey Pepe, do you smell what I smell. Ees bacon, I is sure of eet."

    "Si, Luis, eet smells like bacon to meee".

    So, with renewed strength, they struggle off up the next sand dune and
    there, in the distance, is a tree, just loaded with bacon. There's raw
    bacon, dripping with moisture, there's fried bacon, back bacon, double
    smoked bacon...every imaginable kind of cured pig meat you can
    imagine!!

    "Pepe, Pepe, we ees saved. Eees a bacon tree".

    "Luis, are sure ees not a meerage? We ees in the desert, don' forget".

    "Pepe, when deed you ever hear of a meerage that smeell of bacon...ees
    no meerage, ees a bacon tree".

    And with that.....Luis races towards the tree. He gets to within 5
    metres, with Pepe following more slowly at a distance, when suddenly a
    machine gun opens up, and Luis is cut down in his tracks. It is clear
    he
    is mortally wounded but, true friend that he is, he manages to warn
    Pepe
    with his dying breath.. . . .

    "Pepe...go back man, you was right, ees not a bacon tree"

    "Luis, Luis mi amigo...what ees eet?"

    "Pepe...ees not a bacon tree....


    "Ees.....





    Ees.....





    Ees.....

    Ees, a Ham Bush"




    I did warn you it was bad. Help needed for revenge atack....
     
  2. The Sultan of Brunei was getting a bit cheesed off as he had 6 children, all girls, and therefore had no son and heir. Imagine his joy then, when one of his wives presented him with his only son and heir.

    Just before his son's sixth birthday, the Sultan took him to one side and said, "Son, I am very proud of you. Anything you want, I shall get for you".
    His son replied, "Daddy, I would like an aeroplane".

    Not wanting to do anything by halves, his father bought him British Airways.
    Just before his son's seventh birthday, the Sultan took him to one side.

    "Son, you are my pride and joy. Anything you want, I shall get for you." His son replied, "Daddy, I would like a boat".

    Not wanting to do anything by halves, his father bought him P&O Ferries.
    Just before his son's eight birthday, the Sultan took him to one side. "Son, you bring so much happiness into my life. Anything you want, shall get for you." His son replied, "Daddy, I would like something to watch films on".

    Not wanting to do anything by halves, his father bought him MGM Studios and their cinemas, where he watched all his favourite Western Movies. Just before his son's ninth birthday, the Sultan took him to one side. "Son, you are an inspiration to us all. Anything you want, I shall get for you."

    His son, who had caught the 'Western' movie bug, replied, "Daddy, I would like a cowboy outfit". Not wanting to do anything by halves, his father went and bought him the Royal Air Force.
     
  3. Thank you! That, as they say, will do nicely. Guaranteed to result in a seething rage. I am much obliged to you.

    Kind regards