Crab bashing.

BrunoNoMedals

LE
Kit Reviewer
#1
I'm having an issue with crabs and it's getting quite irritating. Unfortunately, shaving my pubes will not be sufficient to cure this problem.

I arrived in my office this morning bright and early (well, 0915) to find that, in spite of the TWO methods of establishing who's in and which desks are in use on a given day, some cheeky cnut of a RAFfer had taken my seat. Now this wasn't a massive problem, since there was a free desk not two yards away (with the added benefit that I don't have to sit directly next to the irritating sod I usually do), but there's a principle to it all.

What I need are some useful methods of making the rest of his day as uncomfortable as possible. Given that the RAF:Civ* ratio on the team today is now 4:3, I am significantly outnumbered. Therefore it would be prudent to keep the abuse as subtle as possible. "So, how well do DII laptops work in cushty hotel suites?" would be less likely to incur the wrath of the Wg Cdr than shouting "that's my desk you cnut!" and winging his chair down the fire escape.

Any suggestions?




* Not that civvies are likely to get vast amounts of aid or sympathy here but, in our defence, one is ex-REME and I've spent the majority of my career working in the far more interesting Land environment.
 
#2
BrunoNoMedals said:
I'm having an issue with crabs and it's getting quite irritating. Unfortunately, shaving my pubes will not be sufficient to cure this problem.

I arrived in my office this morning bright and early (well, 0915) to find that, in spite of the TWO methods of establishing who's in and which desks are in use on a given day, some cheeky cnut of a RAFfer had taken my seat. Now this wasn't a massive problem, since there was a free desk not two yards away (with the added benefit that I don't have to sit directly next to the irritating sod I usually do), but there's a principle to it all.

What I need are some useful methods of making the rest of his day as uncomfortable as possible. Given that the RAF:Civ* ratio on the team today is now 4:3, I am significantly outnumbered. Therefore it would be prudent to keep the abuse as subtle as possible. "So, how well do DII laptops work in cushty hotel suites?" would be less likely to incur the wrath of the Wg Cdr than shouting "that's my desk you cnut!" and winging his chair down the fire escape.

Any suggestions?




* Not that civvies are likely to get vast amounts of aid or sympathy here but, in our defence, one is ex-REME and I've spent the majority of my career working in the far more interesting Land environment.
I think you should spend the day talking about those heroes in the RAF Regiment and how they are the real RAF.
It wont make you any friends but it may get you moved to a more comfortable padded cell.
 

BrunoNoMedals

LE
Kit Reviewer
#4
vvaannmmaann said:
Get over it.Life is too short.
How else am I supposed to pass the time, though?!
 
#5
If you really want to get under this interlopers skin, just tell him you've got a mate due to visit who's in the "Real" RAF , happens to be an Armourer (Just slip in the comment that you've been told that without them that the RAF would just be the worlds most exclusive flying club)and could your shiney aarsed friend give any idea where there is a real pub that doesn't serve shandy and cranberry breezers, as an "Adminer" he's only one step up from a paper recycling bin anyway so it shouldn't be too hard to wind up..and if his name is S**** K**** and you are working in SHAPE you can tell him he's a cnut from me and that he can't bowl straight!
 
#6
Downlode a nice piccy of a real crab. make copies, and stick them all over the seats reserved for the other crabs. WE once painted a giant bright red crab on the on the hellipad at RAF Bally Kelly went down well
 
#7
If you ain't got designated desks, why don't you just get out of bed earlier? Works for zee Germans when on holiday........


...... Just a thought.......:)
 

BrunoNoMedals

LE
Kit Reviewer
#8
Let's not be silly now, eh?
 
#9
Bruno:

It's clear that you don't have your desk of choice because you are lazier and slower than a crab, (a fekking 'guin at that). Then, after you have had your desk nicked you are too scared to tell a crab, (a fekking 'guin at that), to move.

How sad and lame are you?
 
#10
Airborne_Aircrew said:
Bruno:

It's clear that you don't have your desk of choice because you are lazier and slower than a crab
And that particular achievement took years of training, I can tell you.

But hey, at least I'm not a fcuking Rockape.
 
#11
If you were a rockape, no doubt you'd have learnt to set an alarm to go off so as to arrive at work early enough for the desk nearest the coffee machine with the view of the secratary's legs :):):)
 
#12
BrunoNoMedals said:
But hey, at least I'm not a fcuking Rockape.
Now, now....that's enough of that, can't have any bad feeling towards Rockapes...whatever next, an ape bashing thread??...... :mrgreen:

Honestly, if he has any of the normal admin traits, just tell him that stable belt and chip bag make him look a complete cnut, and ask him if the shiny shoes are patent leather......he'll burst into tears and try to self harm at the very least, because we all know that ANY "Adminer" under the age of 30 is a closet Emo....
 
#13
It's clear what you need to do. You need to write a formal request for a transfer.

In ink, in reverse and on your forehead. Then you stick the nut in the overpaid airhostess and his 'life partner' before knocking off for NAAFI break and awaiting your move to somewhere less homo-erotic.
 
#14
smartascarrots said:
It's clear what you need to do. You need to write a formal request for a transfer.

In ink, in reverse and on your forehead. Then you stick the nut in the overpaid airhostess and his 'life partner' before knocking off for NAAFI break and awaiting your move to somewhere less homo-erotic.
Not a bad plan. I'm leaving in a few weeks anyway, and my next post isn't based on the recommendation of the current boss!

As for secretaries' legs... there's a serious dearth of minge in this office, and the couple that we have got are wrapped up for winter :x
 
#15
and the couple that we have got are wrapped up for winter
A Rock would turn up the thermostat... Dummy... :wink:
 
#16
Airborne_Aircrew said:
and the couple that we have got are wrapped up for winter
A Rock would turn up the thermostat... Dummy... :wink:
They don't give us money for equipment procurement in Abbey Wood. You think they'd splash out on a heating bill?



Actually, don't answer that...
 
#17
Just do what Dr Cox from 'Scrubs' does and call them all girls names all the time....?
 
#18
BNM, How about you go feck yourself? Crabs might be low down the pecking order....but they still took the queens shilling! When you have done some time in the services then come back and whinge, until then, get back in your box!
 
#19
Infiltrator said:
BNM, How about you go feck yourself? Crabs might be low down the pecking order....but they still took the queens shilling! When you have done some time in the services then come back and whinge, until then, get back in your box!
Wondered how long that would take :D

Anyway, when I signed up they told me it was the Fourth Force and we did a vital role 8O
 
#20
BrunoNoMedals said:
Anyway, when I signed up they told me it was the Fourth Force and we did a vital role 8O
What? you're in the Fecking Coastguard??....
 
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