Cow Sat Next To Me...

#1
Sat in the local t'internet cafe and have got a uber annoying bitch braying into her phone and banging onto the keyboard like there's no tomorrow. To distract myself, I'm trying to come up with ways in which I was dispatch of her.

1.) Taking that nail file she has and ramming it up her nose.

or:-

2.) Stick her head in the nearby cappucino machine...

Suggestions?
 
#2
Perhaps leave your life of pikeydom and purchase a computer of your own?
 
#3
How about sticking the cappucino machine up her nose and ramming the nailfile into her head?

Or you could of course just TUT a bit loudly which if she is English and a lady will be more than enough to stop her. :)


Do real ladies even exist any more?
 
#4
Get coffee from said machine,accidently spill over her lap,tell her how sorry you are,help clean her lap,and you get to cop a feel as well.
 
#5
smudge67 said:
Perhaps leave your life of pikeydom and purchase a computer of your own?
:D Thanks for that wanker! Y'know, people are allowed to go to an internet cafe if they do have a 'puter.
 
#6
Ritch said:
smudge67 said:
Perhaps leave your life of pikeydom and purchase a computer of your own?
:D Thanks for that *! Y'know, people are allowed to go to an internet cafe if they do have a 'puter.
No they're not. It identifies them as students and dole receiving scroungers.
 
#7
Pretend you have logged onto a Gary Glitter appreciation society website.
 

Biped

LE
Book Reviewer
#8
I would lean over in a conspirational tone, whisper in her ear "Excuse me . . ."

When she leans towards you to listen in, scream "STOP SLAMMING THE FCUKING KEYBOARD AND BRAYING YOU FAT UGLY MUNTING CNUT AND FCUK OFF BEFORE I RAM THAT NAIL FILE INTO YOUR FAT EYESOCKET!!!!!"
 
#9
Ritch said:
smudge67 said:
Perhaps leave your life of pikeydom and purchase a computer of your own?
:D Thanks for that *! Y'know, people are allowed to go to an internet cafe if they do have a 'puter.
No they're not! It is only permissable to use a tinternet "cafe" when abroad, and you haven't taken your laptop/blackberry with you. End of.
 
#11
Ritch said:
smudge67 said:
Perhaps leave your life of pikeydom and purchase a computer of your own?
:D Thanks for that *! Y'know, people are allowed to go to an internet cafe if they do have a 'puter.
Only to get their Child Porn Kick.......... :x
 
#13
I asked a ned at a computer next to me in the library if he intended to sit and sniff all day?

He accused me of being rude and inconsiderate (or words to that effect.)

I let him live.
 
#14
Biped said:
I would lean over in a conspirational tone, whisper in her ear "Excuse me . . ."

When she leans towards you to listen in, scream "STOP SLAMMING THE FCUKING KEYBOARD AND BRAYING YOU FAT UGLY MUNTING CNUT AND FCUK OFF BEFORE I RAM THAT NAIL FILE INTO YOUR FAT EYESOCKET!!!!!"
:D Subtle
 
#16
Grab the loud mouthed cnut by her thick mong fcuking head and smash the cnuts bastad face off the fcuking desk until she's all smashed and bleeding and spitting moron teeth, then hate fcuk the cnut all over the cafe, before punching yourself over and over again for being a wnaky cyber git sitting in a internet cafe at 5 to 8 in the bastad morning. Internet cafe? CAN YOU BUY A FECKING EGG BANJO AND A COPY OF THE SCUM IN THERE CAN YOU??????!!!!!!! NO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!CAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAANT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
 
#17
DigitalGeek said:
Just log onto a Dwarf Porn site, lean over and whisper in her ear, "Do you want to see the c0ck on this midget?" She will move. Trust me.
I fcuking knew it was you you fcuking cnut. My mum still has nightmares about that now. You w4anker.
 
#19
FABLONBIFFCHIT said:
DigitalGeek said:
Just log onto a Dwarf Porn site, lean over and whisper in her ear, "Do you want to see the c0ck on this midget?" She will move. Trust me.
I fcuking knew it was you you fcuking cnut. My mum still has nightmares about that now. You w4anker.
You now owe me a new monitor and keyboard you TWAAAAAAT! And a large coffee! :lol: :lol: :lol:
 
#20
DigitalGeek said:
Just log onto a Dwarf Porn site, lean over and whisper in her ear, "Do you want to see the c0ck on this midget?" She will move. Trust me.
Dwarf Porn?? It just so happens I have access to a fine collection of said midget pornography.

:D
 
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