Cow Sat Next To Me...

Discussion in 'The NAAFI Bar' started by Ritch, Aug 27, 2008.

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  1. Sat in the local t'internet cafe and have got a uber annoying bitch braying into her phone and banging onto the keyboard like there's no tomorrow. To distract myself, I'm trying to come up with ways in which I was dispatch of her.

    1.) Taking that nail file she has and ramming it up her nose.

    or:-

    2.) Stick her head in the nearby cappucino machine...

    Suggestions?
     
  2. Perhaps leave your life of pikeydom and purchase a computer of your own?
     
  3. How about sticking the cappucino machine up her nose and ramming the nailfile into her head?

    Or you could of course just TUT a bit loudly which if she is English and a lady will be more than enough to stop her. :)


    Do real ladies even exist any more?
     
  4. Get coffee from said machine,accidently spill over her lap,tell her how sorry you are,help clean her lap,and you get to cop a feel as well.
     
  5. :D Thanks for that wanker! Y'know, people are allowed to go to an internet cafe if they do have a 'puter.
     
  6. No they're not. It identifies them as students and dole receiving scroungers.
     
  7. Pretend you have logged onto a Gary Glitter appreciation society website.
     
  8. Biped

    Biped LE Book Reviewer

    I would lean over in a conspirational tone, whisper in her ear "Excuse me . . ."

    When she leans towards you to listen in, scream "STOP SLAMMING THE FCUKING KEYBOARD AND BRAYING YOU FAT UGLY MUNTING CNUT AND FCUK OFF BEFORE I RAM THAT NAIL FILE INTO YOUR FAT EYESOCKET!!!!!"
     
  9. No they're not! It is only permissable to use a tinternet "cafe" when abroad, and you haven't taken your laptop/blackberry with you. End of.
     
  10. Just kick her in the fanny FFS
     
  11. Only to get their Child Porn Kick.......... :x
     
  12. works with the wife too :twisted:
     
  13. I asked a ned at a computer next to me in the library if he intended to sit and sniff all day?

    He accused me of being rude and inconsiderate (or words to that effect.)

    I let him live.
     
  14. :D Subtle
     
  15. Just log onto a Dwarf Porn site, lean over and whisper in her ear, "Do you want to see the c0ck on this midget?" She will move. Trust me.