Courts Martial & the dual speed battery operated Black Mamba

As I while away another dull night at work I got to thinking about a series of Courts Martials I have sat on the board for over the years.

I recall one in the mid 90's that involved a soldier returned from Germany to his Depot awaiting trial. He was charged with a number of counts of theft from the Units mail room in Germany and over 20 charges listed with several hundred others taken into account.

It took 4 Bedfords to bring the evidence to the Courts MArtial Centre in Folkestone.

I have often been told that the RMP have no sense of humour but I beg to differ.

I am led to believe as we all were on the board that all mail is legally the proerty of the CO until such time as it leaves the post room in the correct individuals hands.

The charge in question involved a little light fingered action from a parcel destined for a 'wife of' who had been catalogue shopping through Annes Summers.

The main part of the charge listed the stolen items, including a dual speed battery operated two foot double headed black Mamba vibrator, leopard prinf crotchless knickers and peephole bra set and the list goes on, all belonging to the CO of XXX Regt.

Entertaining when the said CO was a 6 fot 4 largely built rugby playing monster.

We all smiled a little having thought that the CO might be called and sat in the witness chair having to admit that the said items were his.....

Shame the Soldier in question pleaded guilty before the start.

Is it just my luck for these sort of things or has anyone else come across other weird and wonderful courts martials.

Oh and there was the DCM for the Jock soldier for animal cruelty who had microwaved his girlfiends small dog.........
Oh and another where the court reporter went sick and the RMP were called in with a portable interview tape recorder to record the proceedings.

Said Judge Advocate wanted a demonstration first and RMP inserted tapes pressed start and Judge then announces:

'I sentence you to be taken from this courtroom and hanged by the neck until dead...........

Ok then to the RMP let me here it then rewind so we can start again

Sorry Sir, can't do that as these machines do not have that facility and are only to be used once.

'Shit, better make sure my secratary doesn't transcribe that bit or I am f**ked.

Prejudicial or what

Shades of Genral Melchett and the Flanders Pigeon murderer.
Sounds like one of those that couldnt be made up
No BS involved here, all above board and cean be verified.

Another for the annals:

Sat as the Juniour member on a CM for a Jock Regiment based in Folkestone in the mid 90's.

Said Jock was up for a charge of Animal druelty.

He had a few, argued with the then Girlfriend and left her place taking her very small dog.

Was next found in the block buttering bread whilst said animal was not too quietly getting warmed through in the microwave.

And there are many more............

Obviouslt spent far too much time working in an environment to get dicked for too many CM's


Book Reviewer
I have recollections of hearing about one via a reliable and vastly amused source within CrabAir involving a an RAFP dog handler convicted of " act of a bestial nature" when he had been caught hanging out of the back end of Fido whilst bored on stag in BFPO land.

Must have been around 1983.
Or the two RAF Regt guys who decided to run a bloke's hamster through their own version of the jump course. Not sure how the poor thing could steer a hankerchief whilst base jumping from the roof of the block, but hey ho!

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