Courtesies

#1
When I was young, I was taught that the person with whom I was spending the evening (evening, boys, not night - that came later, much later...) was all-important and that, if I wanted to repeat the exercise (or improve upon it) I had to behave in a certain manner.

Earlier this evening, I watched a quite lovely, well dressed young lady sashay towards me followed by, to be frank, a heap of sh*t, who was bellowing into a mobile telephone. She turned round and yelled at him "stop ****ing talking to her and talk to me...".

My thoughts immediately turned to ARRSE - well, it was actually the fluent manner in which she swore at him that reminded me of ARRSE.

What are the pearls of wisdom with regard to courting that you learned at your mother's breast, and are they still relevant to today?

I will start with:

Always walk between the lady and the road.
Always carry the umbrella to protect your date from the rain.
The gentlemen always pays for dinner.
A gentleman never swears when with a lady (nothing was ever said about ladies who could swear worse than any trooper I have ever met...)

Litotes

edited for mong spelling....
 
#3
Always open a door for a lady.

Always offer a lady your seat.

Always wait till a lady is asleep before you engage in bum fun.

Always deny everything the next day.

If Mrs Blackrat reads this, i'm dead.
 
#5
"Did you open that door because I am a woman?"

"No, I opened it because I am a gentleman"

Good manners cost nothing.

msr
 
#6
Litotes said:
Always walk between the lady and the road.
Always carry the umbrella to protect your date from the rain.
The gentlemen always pays for dinner.
A gentleman never swears when with a lady (nothing was ever said about ladies who could swear worse than any trooper I have ever met...)

Litotes

Totally agree with the above and the treat a lady as you would your mother.
Also never let a lady go to the bar to buy drinks rather take the money off her and then get the drinks. Thats if she insists on buying her round.
 
#8
MSR.

How many times do I wish I'd be quick enough with a reply like that.
 
#10
Never attempt to hide a fart with a louder belch.

Never suppress a sneeze with a fart coming on.

If she farts say 'excuse me'
 
#11
Litotes said:
msr said:
"Did you open that door because I am a woman?"

"No, I opened it because I am a gentleman"

Good manners cost nothing.

msr
...and as long as the person thanks you...

Litotes
Generally, it's when you get some right-on lezza with an attitude.

RWAC: I read it in another post on arrse ;)

msr
 
#12
rebel_with_a_cause said:
MSR.

How many times do I wish I'd be quick enough with a reply like that.
too both Msr and yourself. Any woman who makes that statement and does not have the good grace to accept good manners and say thank you is the poorer person for it.
 
#13
Litotes said:
msr said:
"Did you open that door because I am a woman?"

"No, I opened it because I am a gentleman"

Good manners cost nothing.

msr
...and as long as the person thanks you...

Litotes
Being thanked is nice but its not the reason for carrying out the action, after all if they don't have the manners to respond appropriately to your act it just shows that you have the moral superiority and that should be enough.

Sometimes its like pissing yourself whilst wearing a wet suit, no-one notices but you get a warm feeling just the same.
 
#14
If the lady you are slow dancing with is wearing jeans, there may be a chance of you lifting 20 quid out of her back pocket.
 
#15
halo_jones said:
rebel_with_a_cause said:
MSR.

How many times do I wish I'd be quick enough with a reply like that.
too both Msr and yourself. Any woman who makes that statement and does not have the good grace to accept good manners and say thank you is the poorer person for it.
Just wish they all had your class Halo.
 
#16
Don't put your hand where you wouldn't put your face.
 
#17
rebel_with_a_cause said:
Being thanked is nice but its not the reason for carrying out the action, after all if they don't have the manners to respond appropriately to your act it just shows that you have the moral superiority and that should be enough.

Sometimes its like pissing yourself whilst wearing a wet suit, no-one notices but you get a warm feeling just the same.
I am not so sure the "moral superiority" route is the way to go. I often find myself opening a door for a man. I rather like to find opportunities to show respect, warmth and genuine kindness to others. There is too little of it in today's world. I think the same applies to those with whom one wishes to have a relationship. I believe there is a very fine line betweem patronising and showing genuine respect and care.
 
#18
Never rummage through a ladies purse - even with permission

Always let the bint...erm...lady enter the house first when you return home. Not only does this display your manners but also means that she gets knifed by the escaped loony and you can make off on your toes
 
#20
bovvy said:
rebel_with_a_cause said:
Being thanked is nice but its not the reason for carrying out the action, after all if they don't have the manners to respond appropriately to your act it just shows that you have the moral superiority and that should be enough.

Sometimes its like pissing yourself whilst wearing a wet suit, no-one notices but you get a warm feeling just the same.
I am not so sure the "moral superiority" route is the way to go. I often find myself opening a door for a man. I rather like to find opportunities to show respect, warmth and genuine kindness to others. There is too little of it in today's world. I think the same applies to those with whom one wishes to have a relationship. I believe there is a very fine line betweem patronising and showing genuine respect and care.

I remember asking my mother when I was the age of 10 or so:

" If I have to open doors for those that are older than me, and younger than me, when do I get someone to open it for me?"

The answer was:

"That is not the point, you should always behave like a gentleman"





Glesga_short_bloke said:
Never rummage through a ladies purse - even with permission

That is sooo sooo true!

Never ever delve in a womans handbag. It is like playing with a Tardis!!
 
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