Discussion in 'The NAAFI Bar' started by Litotes, Sep 8, 2007.

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  1. When I was young, I was taught that the person with whom I was spending the evening (evening, boys, not night - that came later, much later...) was all-important and that, if I wanted to repeat the exercise (or improve upon it) I had to behave in a certain manner.

    Earlier this evening, I watched a quite lovely, well dressed young lady sashay towards me followed by, to be frank, a heap of sh*t, who was bellowing into a mobile telephone. She turned round and yelled at him "stop ****ing talking to her and talk to me...".

    My thoughts immediately turned to ARRSE - well, it was actually the fluent manner in which she swore at him that reminded me of ARRSE.

    What are the pearls of wisdom with regard to courting that you learned at your mother's breast, and are they still relevant to today?

    I will start with:

    Always walk between the lady and the road.
    Always carry the umbrella to protect your date from the rain.
    The gentlemen always pays for dinner.
    A gentleman never swears when with a lady (nothing was ever said about ladies who could swear worse than any trooper I have ever met...)


    edited for mong spelling....
  2. My father impressed on me. "Always treat a lady the way you would want your mother to be treated"
  3. Always open a door for a lady.

    Always offer a lady your seat.

    Always wait till a lady is asleep before you engage in bum fun.

    Always deny everything the next day.

    If Mrs Blackrat reads this, i'm dead.
  4. The lady always comes first...
  5. msr

    msr LE

    "Did you open that door because I am a woman?"

    "No, I opened it because I am a gentleman"

    Good manners cost nothing.

  7. A real lady will also accepts these thoughtful acts with equal grace.
  8. MSR.

    How many times do I wish I'd be quick enough with a reply like that.
  9. ...and as long as the person thanks you...

  10. Never attempt to hide a fart with a louder belch.

    Never suppress a sneeze with a fart coming on.

    If she farts say 'excuse me'
  11. msr

    msr LE

    Generally, it's when you get some right-on lezza with an attitude.

    RWAC: I read it in another post on arrse ;)

  12. too both Msr and yourself. Any woman who makes that statement and does not have the good grace to accept good manners and say thank you is the poorer person for it.
  13. Being thanked is nice but its not the reason for carrying out the action, after all if they don't have the manners to respond appropriately to your act it just shows that you have the moral superiority and that should be enough.

    Sometimes its like pissing yourself whilst wearing a wet suit, no-one notices but you get a warm feeling just the same.
  14. If the lady you are slow dancing with is wearing jeans, there may be a chance of you lifting 20 quid out of her back pocket.
  15. Just wish they all had your class Halo.