Councils unprepared for Zombie Attack

local authorities are wildly unprepared for most things
 

Uzbeck

War Hero
I recently attended a 'Human Pandemic' Emergency Planning exercise. Pretty sure they were more thinking swine flu but hey many of the lessons would apply... :) more prepared than Leicester it would apear :)
 
Most of the Zombies are sitting under their noses, on the Town Council.
 
look untill they issue all wardens and parks constables with heavyduty body armor, mk7 helmets and M4s as part of day to day uniform then they wont be any use during the coming zombie war- unless you can outrun the buggers in which case they be food you be good
 
Be Prepared! And I am. Armed with Mr Page's most excellent zombie survival cornucopia, I am confident that I the preparations I have made will stand me in good stead come the zombie apocalypse. And if not, I have ensured that most of my neighbours are fat/unfit/ignorant and therefore will unwittingly provide the necessary diversion in which I can take flight.
 
C

cloudbuster

Guest
Hull City Council have been dealing with zombies for years, without any difficulties.
 
Boston police are the way to go

an officer was bitten, someone tweeted back if it was a zombie
BPD said nope but if it ever happens then we will let you know

Boston Police- zombie awareness prize
 

Uzbeck

War Hero
look untill they issue all wardens and parks constables with heavyduty body armor, mk7 helmets and M4s as part of day to day uniform then they wont be any use during the coming zombie war- unless you can outrun the buggers in which case they be food you be good

5.56 and Body Armour? Pfffft! 5.56 is just going to let them know you're there. You want 12-bore solid shot or possibly the good old SLR (I know, I know I didnt want to start that again...but seriously a reliable semi-auto with a solid round behind it is the way to go).

And most local authoritys do have a few usefull cehicles around :- http://site.kerenza.com/kerenza/images/construction/Norscot/kc-nsct-55205/Good02.jpg
 

Troy

LE
I have no doubt at all that future history books (of soico/ecconomic history) will record that this present age in which we live as being distinguished by two significant major factors.

1. The computer games age affected millions of kids that grew up believing that zombies were real.

and,

2. There was so much oestrogen in the drinking water after 50+ years of women using birth control pills that many men turned "girlie". This being evidenced by three noticeable factors.

i) The decreasing sperm count, hence more need for Invitro fertilization.
ii) The huge fuss many men make over shaving poducts instead of just soap and water.
iii) The increasing number of Homosexual men seen in public.


Discuss.


Regarding iii), I saw two blokes in an embrace yesterday, urgh, my blood ran cold...
 
5.56 and Body Armour? Pfffft! 5.56 is just going to let them know you're there. You want 12-bore solid shot or possibly the good old SLR (I know, I know I didnt want to start that again...but seriously a reliable semi-auto with a solid round behind it is the way to go).

And most local authoritys do have a few usefull cehicles around :- http://site.kerenza.com/kerenza/images/construction/Norscot/kc-nsct-55205/Good02.jpg

headshots my good man, and think of all the "accidental" shootings on council estates

"he was staggering and sluring his word, smelt strongly and I thought he was a zombie and not in fact a junie pisshead scumbag scrote"

"ok get to the armories and pickup more ammo, but try not to use all 500 rounds unless you know its a zombie"
 

Grumblegrunt

LE
Book Reviewer
I have no doubt at all that future history books (of soico/ecconomic history) will record that this present age in which we live as being distinguished by two significant major factors.

1. The computer games age affected millions of kids that grew up believing that zombies were real.

and,

2. There was so much oestrogen in the drinking water after 50+ years of women using birth control pills that many men turned "girlie". This being evidenced by three noticeable factors.

i) The decreasing sperm count, hence more need for Invitro fertilization.
ii) The huge fuss many men make over shaving poducts instead of just soap and water.
iii) The increasing number of Homosexual men seen in public.


Discuss.


Regarding iii), I saw two blokes in an embrace yesterday, urgh, my blood ran cold...

Its the milk - most of our millk comes from pregnant cows which is packed with oestrogen, shown by the huge titties we are seeing now as girls on the pill are getting a monthly double hit of the stuff.

MMMmmmmm Big tittied zombies..... and gay ones ..... yuck!
 

Uzbeck

War Hero
World War Z is also a good read. Polearms and fortified motorways were mentioned in the UK chapters. Personaly although I have a Bardiche handy I think I'll go with the 6ft Zweihander Sword on Z-day...harder to break a solid chunk of metal. For range I'll stick with my 870 and solid rounds. There's a nice fortified manor round the corner, got its own water supply and everything....

...oh yeah. I might be taking this a little too seriously.
 

WatchingWater

Old-Salt
Book Reviewer
headshots my good man, and think of all the "accidental" shootings on council estates

"he was staggering and sluring his word, smelt strongly and I thought he was a zombie and not in fact a junie pisshead scumbag scrote"

"ok get to the armories and pickup more ammo, but try not to use all 500 rounds unless you know its a zombie"

This isn't America, our Armouries contain nothing more than restrictive paperwork, stingy quartermasters and tea.
 

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