Councils begin not getting enough salt for winter ( Daily Mash, again. )

Discussion in 'The NAAFI Bar' started by Bravo_Bravo, Oct 9, 2010.

Welcome to the Army Rumour Service, ARRSE

The UK's largest and busiest UNofficial military website.

The heart of the site is the forum area, including:

    LOCAL councils have started ordering insignificant quantities of salt in preparation for a hard winter.

    'Well you certainly do seem to have a lot of salt here. That's excellent. Bye then.'
    With weather experts predicting months of severe blizzards, regional authorities are buying pathetically small amounts of the vital mineral in a half-hearted attempt to ensure that they might be able to keep a couple of driveways clear for the best part of a day.

    Councillor Bill McKay, from Peterborough, said: "We've learned the lessons of last year and have made sure we have enough to be able to go mental with it during the first couple of days of mild frost, after which we won't have any.

    "And besides, it's not like it's definitely going to be icy. It might be nice and warm."

    Roy Hobbs, chief executive of Steadbury Burgh Council, said: "Salt is just one of those things you don't want to have too much of. It's really bad for you. I remember receiving a leaflet from the council about it. It featured a cartoon character called 'Spammy the Salt' and had massive orange writing."

    He added: "This year I have sent dozens of my staff to salt depots in the UK, Europe and beyond so that they could gaze in wonder at the huge piles and then come home immediately without ordering any of it. I like to think I run a pretty tight ship."

    The inevitable unbelievably massive shortage will be particularly beneficial for schoolchildren and local news media.

    Bristol-based TV news editor Emma Bradford said: "A lack of salt will enable us to have a reporter permanently based at the depot where the salt is stored.

    "They will be able to comment on the lack of salt while lorries drive back and forth behind them and a balding man in a high-visibility jacket periodically appears to clarify the absence of salt.

    "There will also be some shots of diggers."
  2. At work when I suggested back in April that it might be a good idea to start building up a stockpile I just got a blank look and the reply "No budget". Yet the management are always whinging about the compensation paid out for trip/slips from last winter. As well as all the lost business because no one could get in.
  3. Hi,
    One of the main problems with salt supply is the salt mine ar Winsford can only store so much top side as it has to be kept undercover.
    The highways agency has tendered for 300,000 tons to be imported (god knows when it will hit the uk as the rest of Europe is desperate for it too!
    I guess it will end up the same as last winter where they will only grit the main roads etc etc.
    Me personally i dont care as my winter vehicle is a BV206 :-D

    Kind regards,

  4. I appriciate the OP is taking the p1ss but honestly, man the fcuk up. They dont use salt down here in NZ, adjust your driving to the conditions.
  5. Just use grit.

    Or help winsford, and other locales, by providing salt storage (we could get doleys in pacamacs to form human arches over the piles).
  6. :-D:-D:-D:-D:-D:-D:-D:-D:-D ................!

    Now theres a thought !
  7. How about stockpiling shovels instead? When it snows we assign each doley a length of road to keep clear, no benefits if they fail.

    On a different point, I am concerned about the number of cracks in the roads. We know that in cold winters water gets into the cracks, freezes and breaks the road up. Back when I was a kid the council used to pour tar onto the cracks to seal them. In the wake of last winter, the council repaired the potholes but ignored the cracks. I foresee some very large potholes this winter.
  8. I thought global warming meant no more snow? :) That's how it was actually explained to me by the parish council - global warming means we won't get cold and snow any more, so the district council had sold off all of their snowplows, all but a couple of gritters, and had taken out most of their grit bins......
  9. maguire

    maguire LE Book Reviewer

    and people definitely werent telling porkies about global warming or playing fast and loose with the evidence before the science was proved, were they? ;)
  10. The science was never settled, we're recovering from the little ice age I admit, but most of 'global warming' comes from building bloody great big cities around your weather stations :) It was never about the science, it's about taxing the feck out of people and always has been.

    Right now we're looking at both the PDO and AMO (ocean oscillations) going into their 'cold' states, a potentially very slow Gulf Stream and a Sun whose activity has dropped to rock bottom and pretty much stayed there, doing a fairly good impression of the Maunder Minimum. On top of that something's killing all the sunspots and they look like disappearing entirely some time before 2015. All of THOSE things indicate things will be getting really rather chilly over the next few decades!

    P.S. I believe the term is now 'Climate Change' or 'Climate Disruption', calling it 'Global Warming' was getting embarassing......
  11. Bollocks to it, snowed in stay home drink beer go sledding, ban salt from our roads and let chaos reign, it's much more fun.
  12. Now how can anyone not agree with that:-?:-D:-D:-D:-D:-D

    Kind regards,

    R M
  13. Boulby Potash mine in North Yorkshire produces twice that a year and that is only 10 weeks production from Salt Union in Winsford....
  14. All the salt barns in the depots in my area are full ready for the first onslaught of winter.
  15. Has any thought TRY LEARNING TO DRIVE PROPERLY as a simple means of overcoming snow etc.?