Could it happen?

Discussion in 'The ARRSE Hole' started by ex-dvr, Feb 16, 2003.

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    The Government has confirmed today that it will maintain its tough
    stance against all union activity by pushing through parliament the
    Military Services to the Public Bill. The bill will enable the army to
    move into and operate all public service facilities should unions decide
    to initiate a strike.
    The decision has come in response to a home office report warning that
    other public services may be at risk from prolonged strike action should
    the firefighters case prove successful.

    "Over the last few weeks the army has been training for the eventuality
    of a strike in any of our other vulnerable public sectors, and are as we
    speak, ready to move into many public service positions, including
    schools and hospitals, at a moment's notice."

    General Derek Gadd QVC will be appointed Chief of Schools should the
    bill be enacted. He insisted that there would be little change in the
    school routine. "School dinners will only be served four times a week,
    in order to avoid complacency. The (randomly selected) fifth lunch
    period will be replaced with a 30 mile run with a 20-kilo rucksack.
    Maths classes will become more focused on practical cases, such as
    ballistic trajectories, probability of defeat and battlefield
    statistics. An example class exercise might require students to
    determine if a 10 ton tank can cross a 100m wooden bridge whilst
    carrying 10 50kg refugees, and naturally pupils will be expected to work
    out the answer while scrambling under a net or abseilling down a

    The bill also outlined how hospitals are to be covered in the event of a
    long-term union strike. Patients will automatically be given morphine on
    entry while a bloodied M is scrawled across their foreheads. The average
    waiting time, to be renamed "average mortality period", is expected to
    remain the same. It will however depend on the availability of field
    surgeons and/or cutting equipment.

    Transport is likely to remain much as normal with minimal disruption.
    Unreliable buses are to be replaced with more robust armoured personnel
    carriers, the bill detailed. London Underground will be operating as
    normal, but all weekend passes will be revoked.

    Field Marshall Charles "Charlie" Steed will be head of "Operation
    Suppressive Fire", the Armed Forces name for the enacted bill. "Whilst
    negotiations are in progress the army will be keen not to disturb or
    inflame the situation. However, when negotiations break down the army
    will enter all union held buildings by force and neutralise any opposing

    Prime Minister Tony Blair was quick to highlight the benefits of the new
    bill "While there may be those few who oppose Operation Suppressive
    Fire, I think firstly that their deaths will soon be forgotten, and
    secondly that in time the general public might not remember a day when a
    crafty salute isn't given to a friendly post office clerk, or our
    rubbish isn't thrown into the back of a challenger tank by cheery
    soldiers in full combat fatigues."
  2. Soldier_Why

    Soldier_Why LE Moderator

    Can I volunteer to be the janitor at any all girls convent school please?