Cougar in distress

Discussion in 'The NAAFI Bar' started by Schermuly, Mar 24, 2013.

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  1. So the gorgeous beefcake younger bloke I’ve been seeing on and off for the last year-and-a-half has gone dark again, as is his wont. I absolutely adore him, but I’m frankly fed up with not seeing him for weeks/months at a time, what with spring (not) arriving, yet the sap (definitely) rising. Girls got needs too.

    What to do? I’m also fed up with going out on the prowl with the vague chance of meeting something intelligent and stimulating in a grubby pub or sweaty club. Norfolk n chance, it would seem. This Friday found me with a severe case of cabin fever, so I launched out the door in full-on leather gear and took a stride around some of my usual haunts. No talent. Zip. Diddly. Nada. Zero. SFA. Though it was quite amusing to see the amount of heads that turned when a pheromone-radiating female in leathers strolled in.

    I’m no oil painting/skinny bint like I was at 21 and am now the very wrong side of 45, yet I do a pretty good cougar impression. Conquests in the last 6 months include a 26yo bar manager with a magnificent cock, a rather fucked-up 20yo with a Charlie habit (but great in bed) and a 30-something currently-serving bloke who was stupendous company. And yes, the short bloke too.

    Not a great batting average, frankly, whatever anti-female/slut/slag/whore aspersions you would like to cast. Carry on. I am so done with relationships, having had a long-term one during my prime – they seem to be the utter death of sex – and life in the 21[SUP]st[/SUP] century is way too unpredictable not to have as much fun as possible, without getting embroiled in that whole ghastly domestic scenario. No?

    Ergo some short-term consolation needed. If you’re in the southeast, are intelligent, witty, great fun to drink & smoke with, have that inimitable spark and are ace in the sack, PM me, ja?

    At your own risk.

    Cockshots welcome.

    (Stands by for misogynistic incoming) :biggrin:
  2. Kill yourself, you attention-seeking pile of human wreckage.

    Did you ever have something happen in your life that you didn't instantly spread all over the internet?

    I hope you get to watch your entire family die in a house fire you boring cunt.
    • Like Like x 6
  3. Do you have big tits and take it up the wrong'un?
    • Like Like x 3
  4. You're John Prescot and I claim my £10
    • Like Like x 1
  5. Sorry cant help you out. But can I watch?
    • Like Like x 2
  6. Are you going to leg it round to her place

    Just asking like
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  7. Absolutely, mate. Nae worries. I'd be honoured! :smile:
  8. Don't be stupid man, I'll cruise round in me wheels.
    • Like Like x 6
  9. Is this you, Fatso?

  10. Not at all, but cheers for the massive misogynistic bite, zero. Over.

    Off & clear :)
    • Like Like x 2
  11. Find the misogyny in my post, thickie.
  12. I'm fully limbed up, but just as needy. Are you selling tickets?
  13. I bet she gets loads of pm's Heh heh heh!

    Come on out to the Solomon Islands luv, we could have fun by the lagoon.
  14. Interesting .... First pink Chinese bint I ever saw.
    • Like Like x 1
  15. .
    Have you considered farm animals? and if so, can i have a copy of the photos?