Corporals life lesson #1047

Discussion in 'The NAAFI Bar' started by Corporal, Apr 11, 2005.

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  1. I'm standing in line at the salad bar tonight, behind two birds in their mid 20's. On of them has an ass that you could land VTOL aircraft on and she is attacking the potato salad like the Marines at Mt. Suribachi.

    Long story short, the fat one is jabbering about how she can't loose any weight. What is the proper response in this situation? I know what it isn't.

    "Try laying off the potato salad, Bertha."

    Some people have no sense of humor. End of lesson.
     
  2. Try a teabag on the eye Corps, or maybe a steak. :D
     
  3. You should have started laughing, then pointed out just coz it has salad in the title doesnt mean it healthy with all that mayo on it.
    Incidently try eating smaller amounts, rather than putting another undeveloped nation into a famine!

    The ask if she was wearing elasticated waist line jeans
     
  4. Corps Iwould have used: "hey you fat cnut if I stand next to you it looks like I'm starving and your the reason for it...now move on you fat @ss fecking food whore before I cull you from the herd"
     
  5. Corps you could have said "feck off out of the way roadblock, my 8 bellies need topping up"
     
  6. maninblack

    maninblack LE Book Reviewer

    Explain to her, politely, that the reason she is such a munter is that the hole at the top is begger than the hole at the bottom and so food gets trapped.

    Then give her MDN's phone number and explain that he has a magic remedy for this.
     
  7. i smell a rat ...

    what the f-uck were YOU doing at the salad bar ??

    was the "all the lard you can eat" buffet closed for the evening ??
     
  8.  
  9. I prefer the short but sweet "Move more, eat less you heffer, now move your fat arrse out of my way"



    Any thing to help.
     
  10. I prefer the short but sweet "Move more, eat less you heffer, now move your fat arrse out of my way"



    Any thing to help.
     
  11. Why not ask her if you can borrow her almanac, as you were dead sure that no eclipse was scheduled...
     
  12. Just tell her she's a fat minger and will always be one, no matter how hard she tries otherwise.

    Anyway, I thought you Spams had a rule about how big you could be in the services? Thought you got measured, weighed and body fat indexed :? How come she got through? Or is she like our QAs, join slim and petite but soon end up like a fecking hippo
     
  13. Suffered a nasty incident at an all you can eat when I was on the rock a few years ago. Decided to treat my lads and lassies to a good feed after three days in the tunnels.

    I must point out before going any further that i'm not a slim line racing snake in any way shape or form.

    Walks up to the counter and puts four slices of pizza on my plate only to here a voice from behind me say..... "If your gonna eat that much no wonder your a lard ass". Now I was expecting that sort of comment to come from one of the guys so I turns round and am about to have an out break of turrets syndrom on the poor soldier. However.......

    Standing behind me is what can only be described as the fattest hippacrockapig I've ever had the misfortune to inhale the BO of.

    Biting my tounge and holding in the obsenities I quietly pointed out that if I wanted her opinion I would have thrown her a box of dog biscuits and that she should shut her mouth as i'd done the rock run twice that day before she had dragged her fat stinking hole out of her minging pit.

    Cheek of it was she then put 5 slices on her own plate!!

    Oh and she was from manchester... I fecking hate mancs!!!!
     
  14. RTFQ

    RTFQ RIP

    am I the only one who thinks fat women should die? It's not as if we don't give you enough hints - all the tennage girl magazines and womens glossies show you exactly how to look. FHM does regular exposees into how you should present yourself. Women above a size 12 don't make it in hollywood or the music charts. Sure, we get the odd michelle mcmanus, but the riducule and humiliation meated upon them soon drives them underground. Take the hint - fat women are ugly and normally smell of stale milk. Take after them Girls Aloud (not the minging one) - if they can look good, there's no excuse for you.

    Eat less, run more, stick your self esteem and 'bubbly' personalities up your arrses you fat bloaters.
     
  15. hear hear....

    my views on fat birds are well known , and we've still got the summer to come , with a daily view of some vile pasty overweight munter , who's been hermetically sealed into a pair of low slung jeans , revealing a spare tyre of corpse white flesh , interspersed with stretch marks and biscuit crumbs.

    supermarkets should make their turnstiles narrower , with strictly no admission to fat smelly c-unts....
    who should then be herded onto cattle trucks , with a trail of cakes , and taken away for "a shower"

    it's the lowering of standards by the males in this country that has a lot to answer for aswell , how many of these fat f-ucks are pushing prams ...
    any man caught in possesion of fat bird should do the same time as a nonce.