Corporals life lesson #1047

#1
I'm standing in line at the salad bar tonight, behind two birds in their mid 20's. On of them has an ass that you could land VTOL aircraft on and she is attacking the potato salad like the Marines at Mt. Suribachi.

Long story short, the fat one is jabbering about how she can't loose any weight. What is the proper response in this situation? I know what it isn't.

"Try laying off the potato salad, Bertha."

Some people have no sense of humor. End of lesson.
 
#3
You should have started laughing, then pointed out just coz it has salad in the title doesnt mean it healthy with all that mayo on it.
Incidently try eating smaller amounts, rather than putting another undeveloped nation into a famine!

The ask if she was wearing elasticated waist line jeans
 
#4
Corps Iwould have used: "hey you fat cnut if I stand next to you it looks like I'm starving and your the reason for it...now move on you fat @ss fecking food whore before I cull you from the herd"
 
#5
Corps you could have said "feck off out of the way roadblock, my 8 bellies need topping up"
 

maninblack

LE
Book Reviewer
#6
Explain to her, politely, that the reason she is such a munter is that the hole at the top is begger than the hole at the bottom and so food gets trapped.

Then give her MDN's phone number and explain that he has a magic remedy for this.
 
#8
Corporal said:
I'm standing in line at the salad bar tonight, behind two birds in their mid 20's. On of them has an ass that you could land VTOL aircraft on and she is attacking the potato salad like the Marines at Mt. Suribachi.

Long story short, the fat one is jabbering about how she can't loose any weight. What is the proper response in this situation? I know what it isn't.

Try Sabot on, 1000, pig in open!
 
#9
I prefer the short but sweet "Move more, eat less you heffer, now move your fat arrse out of my way"



Any thing to help.
 
#10
I prefer the short but sweet "Move more, eat less you heffer, now move your fat arrse out of my way"



Any thing to help.
 
#11
Why not ask her if you can borrow her almanac, as you were dead sure that no eclipse was scheduled...
 
#12
Just tell her she's a fat minger and will always be one, no matter how hard she tries otherwise.

Anyway, I thought you Spams had a rule about how big you could be in the services? Thought you got measured, weighed and body fat indexed :? How come she got through? Or is she like our QAs, join slim and petite but soon end up like a fecking hippo
 
#13
Suffered a nasty incident at an all you can eat when I was on the rock a few years ago. Decided to treat my lads and lassies to a good feed after three days in the tunnels.

I must point out before going any further that i'm not a slim line racing snake in any way shape or form.

Walks up to the counter and puts four slices of pizza on my plate only to here a voice from behind me say..... "If your gonna eat that much no wonder your a lard ass". Now I was expecting that sort of comment to come from one of the guys so I turns round and am about to have an out break of turrets syndrom on the poor soldier. However.......

Standing behind me is what can only be described as the fattest hippacrockapig I've ever had the misfortune to inhale the BO of.

Biting my tounge and holding in the obsenities I quietly pointed out that if I wanted her opinion I would have thrown her a box of dog biscuits and that she should shut her mouth as i'd done the rock run twice that day before she had dragged her fat stinking hole out of her minging pit.

Cheek of it was she then put 5 slices on her own plate!!

Oh and she was from manchester... I fecking hate mancs!!!!
 
#14
am I the only one who thinks fat women should die? It's not as if we don't give you enough hints - all the tennage girl magazines and womens glossies show you exactly how to look. FHM does regular exposees into how you should present yourself. Women above a size 12 don't make it in hollywood or the music charts. Sure, we get the odd michelle mcmanus, but the riducule and humiliation meated upon them soon drives them underground. Take the hint - fat women are ugly and normally smell of stale milk. Take after them Girls Aloud (not the minging one) - if they can look good, there's no excuse for you.

Eat less, run more, stick your self esteem and 'bubbly' personalities up your arrses you fat bloaters.
 
#15
hear hear....

my views on fat birds are well known , and we've still got the summer to come , with a daily view of some vile pasty overweight munter , who's been hermetically sealed into a pair of low slung jeans , revealing a spare tyre of corpse white flesh , interspersed with stretch marks and biscuit crumbs.

supermarkets should make their turnstiles narrower , with strictly no admission to fat smelly c-unts....
who should then be herded onto cattle trucks , with a trail of cakes , and taken away for "a shower"

it's the lowering of standards by the males in this country that has a lot to answer for aswell , how many of these fat f-ucks are pushing prams ...
any man caught in possesion of fat bird should do the same time as a nonce.
 
#16
You've made a very valid point their Shortfuze. Us men should be berrated for the things we are willing to sh@g after 20 stella and a kebab. Especially in the army. I am sick to the back teeth of meeting minging army lasses who think they are gods gift just because C Coy 1 Para did them on tour once because they were the only female there. It's not a validation of your beauty or personality! You were just the available hole and you were deemed easy enough to be worth a crack. Lose the ego you moon faced harridens.
 
#17
Dont sit on the fence RTFQ :lol: .
From a females perspective, i dont like to see fat birds. They are often clad in vest tops with an old white bra turned grey poking out the staps. As for the leggings they insisit on wearing.. bloody hell, zepplin in a windsock.
I know if im puting on the weight and rather than moan about i do something.Stop fcuking eating junk food!. What kind of bloke could go to bed with a munter fatter than themselves?. I once knew a lad who lost a bet and took the fattest cow in the nightclub home. He had to provide proof the next day that he went through with it and produced the biggest pair of undercrackers the next day at a BBQ, they were stinking, sweat stained things that could house a small family. Bad enough until i caught him sucking the crotch!. 8O
One friends theory on shagging a fat bird is, they are always gratful for the seeing to as they are usually left out, and thier fridge is always full so your sure to get breakfast! :twisted: :?
 
#18
the things blokes used to do on tour to get their back wheels in was the funniest things , and before you knew it , some overweight ugly ginger munter is giving it the big 'un

"ooh look at me , i'm lush" :roll:

no you're not , we're just sick of wank1ng is all , don't expect any letters or phone calls when we get back , because even by the UK's rapidly falling standards , you're gipping.

I am going to start a drive by the males of this country to regain their self respect , don't get me wrong , i've woken up next to my fair share of mutants .... but it's time for a change.....
next time that heiffer in the crop top with the glistening top lip and 74 hoop earrrings gives you the eye , make your way over to her and in your loudest possible voice say

"why are you looking at me like that ... do you want to f*cking eat me you fat c*nt?"

make a point of ridiculing fatties at every opportunity ... heres a great game for the kebab shop.
wait till fatty has got her nuclear sub sized doner with extra lard , and is heading for the door , toe punt the f*cking thing right out of her hand and into her big puffy balloon face...
now watch her self respect disappear as she scuttles around on the floor picking up the bits like a junkie looking for a fix....

drive these c*nts to a lonely self loathing filled existence , until they finally do us all a favour (unless you work for a funeral director as a pall bearer)
and top themselves...... fat c*nts.
 
#19
Corporal said:
I'm standing in line at the salad bar tonight, behind two birds in their mid 20's. On of them has an ass that you could land VTOL aircraft on and she is attacking the potato salad like the Marines at Mt. Suribachi.

Long story short, the fat one is jabbering about how she can't loose any weight. What is the proper response in this situation? I know what it isn't.

"Try laying off the potato salad, Bertha."

Some people have no sense of humor. End of lesson.
In future if you encounter a fat biatch who clearly puts her belt on with a boomerang why not comment on the fact that her arrse resembles 200 pounds of chewed bubble gum or if you're in a romantic mood serenade the Sweaty Betty with a bit of Macc Lads. It was written for bloaters like her and works a treat oop noorth

She wore big knickers and she worked at the sewage farm.
Got my hands down her jeans and I nearly lost half my arm.
But after ten pints, she looked quite fit,
Couldn't wait to get my hands on her flabby titts.
Slap that arrse and ride the ripples, just got to get my gob round her greasy nipples.
Flabby arrse, sweaty breasts, thirty eight chins, she was a mound of flesh.
Sweaty Betty, she eats a lot of pies,
Sweaty Betty, she's got enormous thighs,
Sweaty Betty, have you smelled her breath?
Sweaty Betty, she'd crush a man to death.

I knew that she wanted me to shag her, so I stabbed her cnut with my mutton dagger.
I couldn't believe the size of her bum,
She used to play for Wigan at the back of the scrum.
I've seen nowt like it since the day I was born,
But you know me, I'll shag owt that's warm.

Sweaty Betty, she eats a lot of chips,
Sweaty Betty, she's got massive tits,
Sweaty Betty, she's got a huge vangina,
Sweaty Betty, you'd fit a bus inside her,
She's so obscene, three tons of margarine,
She's like a lump of lard
But Sweaty Betty makes my willy hard.
Hope this helps? Keep us posted :lol:
 
#20
Lumpit

Some nice little phrases here. :lol:


ps. Cherrylips sorry Cherrypink to prove that you are not a BBW, post some pictures of yourself over the bent bonnet of your car, no clothes please, the MODs will not mind :twisted:
 

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