Cooking for your doris

Discussion in 'The NAAFI Bar' started by Goku, Mar 18, 2006.

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  1. In the absence of ARRSE yesterday I found myself flicking through the pages of the Rear Party in the hopes of finding something amusing.
    It really is a knitting circle over there :roll: : How to sip Baileys, biological clocks, the amusing things your children do… that site frightens me :?

    It occurred to me that they’re missing a good cooking thread so I thought I’d get the ball rolling here.

    I have two recipes for you today for Cooking Your Placenta! :D
    There are several sumptuous recipes around so that you can enjoy cooking and eating your placenta, this one is for roasting it:-
    Work on the basis that each placenta weighs approximately 1/6 of the baby's weight. To prepare a placenta, cut the meat away from the membranes with a sharp knife. Discard the membranes.

    Roast Placenta

    1-3lb fresh placenta (must be no more than 3 days old)
    1 onion
    1 green or red pepper (green will add colour)
    1 cup tomato sauce
    1 sleeve saltine crackers
    1 tspn bay leaves
    1 tspn black pepper
    1 tspn white pepper
    1 clove garlic (roasted and minced)


    (Preheat oven to 350 degrees)
    1. Chop the onion and the pepper & crush the saltines into crumbs.
    2. Combine the placenta, onion, pepper, saltines, bay leaves, white and black pepper, garlic and tomato sauce.
    3. Place in a loaf pan, cover then bake for one and a half hours, occasionally pouring off excess liquid.
    Serve and enjoy!
    Dehydrating your placenta!

    Instead of cooking your placenta whole, you can dehydrate it and then add it to meals! The following method is extracted from an article entitled "Thinking About Eating Your Placenta?" by Susan James, which appeared in the winter 1996 issue of "The Compleat Mother". It was discovered posted on a newsgroup noticeboard, so we cannot absolutely guarantee its authenticity, or that it is an actual verbatim account of the magazine article.


    "Cut off the cord and membranes. Steam the placenta, adding lemon grass, pepper and ginger to the steaming water. The placenta is "done" when no blood comes out when you pierce it with a fork. Cut the placenta into thin slices (like making jerky) and bake in a low-heat oven (200-250 degrees F), until it is dry and crumbly (several hours). Crush the placenta into a powder - using a food processor, blender, mortar and pestle, or by putting it in a bag and grinding it with rocks. Put the powder into empty gel caps (available at drug and health food stores) or just add a spoonful to your cereal, blender drink, etc. The recommended doses vary, some suggest up to 4 capsules a day, others just one. Perhaps the best advice is to take what makes you feel good".

    Note:- all recipes taken from here.
    Anyone accusing me of plagiarism can eat afterbirth :D
  2. Looking at some of the children around today, it would be far better if the placentae were discarded, and the babies eaten instead.
  3. Maybe we could start collecting mong and chav children, and then look into opening a restaurant??
  4. In Danish the placenta is called 'moderkagen'- Mother cake.

    It really is an invitation to eat it.....

    Perhaps with chocolate frosting!
  5. Placenta in Dutch is "moederkoek" - mother cake :p
  6. Those mother cake things really take all the fun out of the "cake and arrse party" expresion now...

    "Can we have some placenta for this arrse party?"
    Bit gross really...

    T C
  7. Wonder what it tastes like? (Other than placenta).

  8. Auld-Yin

    Auld-Yin LE Reviewer Book Reviewer Reviews Editor

    So why not then change the thread from

    "Cooking for your Doris"


    "Cooking your Doris" 8)
  9. ”I have been assured by a very knowing American of my acquaintance in London, that a young healthy child well nursed is at a year old a most delicious, nourishing, and wholesome food, whether stewed, roasted, baked, or boiled ...”

    Johnathan Swift A Modest Proposal
  10. Chuck in a few herbs & spices and it's probably very much like Black Pudding!
  11. Don't forget the pikeys, keep you going for years they would.
  12. Thought I would see what scared you GOKU, oh boy did you miss a classic. Birthday parties for nippers!!! Apparently if you take a bunch of kids ice skating they fall over!! They didn't get up for nearly ten minutes as well...ovbiously someone decided to combine it with ten pin bowling then :evil: Now THAT would make a party come alive :lol:

    One thread was titled Making Babies.... 8O Ok I'm a girly and I don't care if you don't like me in Naafi, you can't make me go in there again, that's more than a sane person could take. I'm with with the 'cooking your doris' theme, anyone seen entering that site needs their brains boiled!!

    Off for a stiff drink...
  13. Too much preparation time- do have any idea how long it would take to get them clean first?
  14. I've heard you can make a good Chav and Onion Pie. The meat doesn't need to be cooked to hot because the muscles are undeveloped, and the extra fat helps in the cooking process. It should be a little like veal...
  15. Very little time actually, they don’t need scrubbing, just peel a few layers of skin off like an onion and they’re good to go :wink: