Cookhouse Complaints Book

#1
I was thumbing through the complaints book in our mess and nearly soiled myself at half the stuff written. Even the jobsworths who write in the book in all seriousness made me chuckle, basics like 'the spring roll was spicey and i could have had an allergic reaction' and fatties complaining about the salads are just putting themselves on the radar.
Any beauties out there?
 
#3
Remembered from various conversations in the cookhouse:

Tom1: This food is siht!
Tom2: I filled my plate and I cant eat any of it! Fcukin wnak!
Tom3: Yeah, cant wait 'til pay as you dine, stop payin £3 odd every day for crap!

Duty Sgt. arrives

Sgt.: Food alright chaps?

Tom1: Fine!
Tom2: Crackin!
Tom3: Spot on Sarge!
 
#4
I remember one from the book at 30 Sigs

"I would be grateful if the fish we had today could be removed from future menus, as it looked and tasted like my grannie's fa-nny"
 
#5
erm, strange question but HOW did he know that??
 
#7
I remeber in the mess one evening a certain member wrote a complaint in the book,

At the next mess meeting the RSM stated that complaints were not allowed and that it was a suggestions book.

The following day, said mess member wrote. "I suggest we get a fcukin complaints book"

RSM - NOT HAPPY
 
#8
Once complained about the food in the scoff house in Gibraltar barracks whilst on my B1, got told that the complaints book wasn't to be used apart from by the sprogs! Apparently we would be seen as trouble makers!

Fook knows why, that is one of the worst cookhouses I have ever eaten in! And the fat beast behind the hotplate!!! UGH!!!!
 
#9
No one puts there names to complaints anymore at Marham, as the fat FS in the JR mess doesn't like them. One lass complained that the chips were half-raw, and he had her working as a pot scrubber for a day because "the complaint was an attack on the staff, not constructive critiscism.

Now people write things like "Unbelievable, it looked like steak, smelt like steak, felt like steak, yet still tasted like cardboard. How do you do it?"
 
#10
Not a food complaint but a mess suggestion book. Mess meeting RSM, someone has asked for a chandelier in the mess, your not getting one cos I know none of you fookers can play one!
 
#11
A certain female capt in 4RA complained that she was "bored of getting meat and two veg every day" and wanted something more adventurous; we always thought she was a slapper.
 
E

error_unknown

Guest
#12
In basic training the Orderly Officer comes round to our table and my mate informs him that the turkey burgers were all spud and no turkey. OO thinks for a moment, says "That's not really a complaint, is it?" and fcuks off PDQ
 
#13
Oh dear C C , bad day?
 
#14
Lunch time in JNCO area of Ebrington Bks cookhouse & in walks a one-pip wonder from the resident Bn.

Having shared a riotous joke with 'his' boys, undoubtedly at his expense, he ambles over to us Bde wallahs and sniffs "Any complaints?"

"I don't get paid enough" replies one of the lads, and off goes Wodders into a screeching monologue concerning 'The Queen's Shilling, 23h59m a day, Duty, Honour & Pride etc etc' that has even the Bn lads looking over open mouthed.

Eventually he runs out of steam, & our boy, still holding his gaze, replies dead-pan, " S'pose so, at least I'm getting paid more than you"

The place erupted & off slunk Wodders as red as a Baboon's arrse!

Class!

Steiner
 
#15
I still like the entry which read:

I found a leaf in my stew and have attached it to the book.

It was, of course, a bay leaf!

msr
 

Percy_Pigeon

War Hero
Book Reviewer
#16
As read in the LSR kitchen

‘Please make the complaints book easier to find’

Made me smile
 
#17
norfolk_boy said:
I remeber in the mess one evening a certain member wrote a complaint in the book,

At the next mess meeting the RSM stated that complaints were not allowed and that it was a suggestions book.

The following day, said mess member wrote. "I suggest we get a fcukin complaints book"

RSM - NOT HAPPY
RSM = Not happy

Everyone else = ROFL, no doubt!!

The thing which amazed me was when I was accomodated at the Army School of Catering.... All the Chefs were civvy contractors. If they can't use the Class 1 course to cook actual food, what is the ferking point? I can understand not letting trainees cook the lunchtime meal, but why not the Class 1's??


Complaints book entry, from a room-mate of mine: Accommodation £1.05 per day; Food £3.25 a day; Exepcting the Army School of Catering to provide edible food - priceless

Ghost
 
#18
When I did the rounds as BOS, nearly always the lads just said 'fine' 'ok'

But listen in and they always winge about it, but ask them to get past the description of 'its sh*t' and they cant, mind you I suppose a lot of them only started walking upright when they got to ITC :D
 
#19
Poacher said:
When I did the rounds as BOS, nearly always the lads just said 'fine' 'ok'

But listen in and they always winge about it, but ask them to get past the description of 'its sh*t' and they cant, mind you I suppose a lot of them only started walking upright when they got to ITC :D
And there's not enough of it :lol:
 
#20
In JHQ at a messing meeting recently some scrotey shitebag asked if we could get the Sky box sorted out in the dining room so it didn't have sport on all the time. Some people really do need shooting, spoilt cunts
 
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