Contrived TV Programmes.

TamH70

MIA
In contrast to that the Ed Stafford stuff is excellent. You know it’s genuine when he has to call it in and get extracted before completing his mission, because otherwise he’s going to die.

The same with the Steve Backshall, exploring places on earth that haven’t been explored. I find that amazing in this day and age.

The only problem is that it’s hidden away on crappy back channels.

Yon guy is brilliant - I first discovered him when he was doing the "Deadly 60" series for CBBC. He's enthusiastic, knows his subject matter, and is determined to get it across to his audience.

Probably why he isn't better known by the general public as far as the BBC is concerned.
 
When the ‘team’ (good looking host, a sciency one and inevitably the ex-SF Guy) suddenly discover the cave\chapel\tunnel and nervously edge inside, they are always being viewed from the inside. That for me, really gets my goat. Are the viewing public really that thick that they don’t notice ((and Gogglebox strongly suggests that they are) or are the producers safely assuming that they are, which is just as bad. Either way, they are insulting us.

So this is a place to discover crap tv and to point out another ‘documentary’ where, when the knock on the door happens and the door opens, there is already a camera filming from inside, over the householder’s shoulder (my mum has been complaining about that all my life).


Yup - those two REALLY grip my poo!

Regarding 'building up the tension' I've noticed the last few seasons of Grand Designs (and all the other do it upper type programmes) have been good at this. Will the budget/weather/divorce etc affect the final outcome.....? Always glass half empty, never half full. Then at the end, the big BZs for achieving such a fantastic build, despite the budget/weather/divorce etc.

Bring back Barry Bucknell.
 

Awol

LE
Not seen the Ed Stafford stuff but agree wholeheartedly on Steve Backshall.
Steve Backshall stands shoulder to shoulder with Dan Snow in making sure the cameras spend most of the time filming him posing heroically at the top of ravines, trees, masts etc.

Usually in a manfully torn vest.

Ed Stafford is genuinely alone in the ooluu, filming the whole thing on hand held camcorders and making it educational and not making a film about himself.

Backshall and Snow are graduates of the Look At Me Everyone (LAME) school of programme making.
 
Those Gordon Ramsey progs where he goes to a failing restaurant and puts some stick about to help them out.
Kitchen Bastard or whatever it's called.

They became a guilty pleasure during lockdown when pickings were getting slim.

Contrast the British made episodes which were mildly amusing looking at the feckless gits oblivious to their complete ineptitude. It was like watching an Alan Partridge interview, just toe curling.

Then you get the US version, full of overly dramatic music, contrived conflict with chest bumping & shouting in each other's faces. People crying and families at war.

The UK ones are bareable with a sliver of honesty about them.
The US ones are utter shash, though oddly looking through the comments on YT even the Yanks appreciate the difference and think their version is overcontrived.
 
When the ‘team’ (good looking host, a sciency one and inevitably the ex-SF Guy) suddenly discover the cave\chapel\tunnel and nervously edge inside, they are always being viewed from the inside. That for me, really gets my goat. Are the viewing public really that thick that they don’t notice ((and Gogglebox strongly suggests that they are) or are the producers safely assuming that they are, which is just as bad. Either way, they are insulting us.

So this is a place to discover crap tv and to point out another ‘documentary’ where, when the knock on the door happens and the door opens, there is already a camera filming from inside, over the householder’s shoulder (my mum has been complaining about that all my life).


Yup - those two REALLY grip my poo!

Regarding 'building up the tension' I've noticed the last few seasons of Grand Designs (and all the other do it upper type programmes) have been good at this. Will the budget/weather/divorce etc affect the final outcome.....? Always glass half empty, never half full. Then at the end, the big BZs for achieving such a fantastic build, despite the budget/weather/divorce etc.

Bring back Barry Bucknell.

Interestingly analysing the camera operator's point of view is the way in which experts determine which First World War photographs/footage is real and which is contrived. Obviously if you are on the front line, you do not want to be seen. The genuine footage is shallow angled with the cameraman keeping a very low profile. There is some genuine material shot on the Somme at the Battle of Morval, 25 September 1915 but much of the stuff shot by Geoffrey Malins allegedly on 1st July, 1916, is fake. Although some of the most powerful Malins imagery is searingly genuine eg the Gordon Highlanders at Mametz or the Lancashire Fusiliers in the Sunken Lane ( The faces of men of men who are about to die and know they are about to die). and the Middlesex Regiment going for the crater at at Beaumont Hamel. The footage shot at White City before the 1st July attack is also kosher and still has the power to unnerve me. Below, the sunken Lane, Beaumont Hamel. Crucible, Cockpit and Calvary for the Lancashire Fusiliers, all in one.
 

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Awol

LE
That would, to me, translate as "Utterly fake nonsense masquerading as fact".
There’s a guy who wrote a book about Top Gear (the real one) and who told of how they won a prestigious award for Best Unscripted Show, with the award ceremony to be held in New York.

It was quietly decided that as Script Editor he might not be the best choice to collect it.
 
There’s a guy who wrote a book about Top Gear (the real one) and who told of how they won a prestigious award for Best Unscripted Show, with the award ceremony to be held in New York.

It was quietly decided that as Script Editor he might not be the best choice to collect it.
Brilliant.
 

theoriginalphantom

MIA
Book Reviewer
Reality shows where there is some kind of build to a deadline

fast and loud which is all about Gas Monkey Garage/Richard Rawlings for example

Richard Rawlings " guys I've bought an utter dog of a car/pick up, nobody ever wants them and nobody customises them, so do a mild roof chop, big engine, lick of paint and we'll sell it for a quick flip, should be done by next wednesday, spend nothing on it"

or

"we have to turn this 1963 turd the size of a whale into the most trick car ever and it has to be ready for the customer/show by next Wednesday"

there are two outcomes, for the first one;
the guys decide to ignore him and replace everything bar the roof and one front wing, shock horror they are way over budget (RR goes batshit) and there is a colossal problem (like the brand new engine doesn't run) which means they are working through the night and it's ready with only seconds to spare meanwhile RR goes spare about the budget

second version
The guys do what he tells them (mostly) and shock horror they are way over budget (RR goes batshit) and there is a colossal problem (like the brand new engine doesn't run) which means they are working through the night and it's ready with only seconds to go.

in either case they get to mention his bar several times.
 

RBMK

LE
Book Reviewer
Train Truckers.

Now some of you may know that I'm a bit of a train nut and used to work on the Great Central some years ago. I've been involved in shifting 60' long 100 ton lumps of metal and while you have to be careful, it's not rocket science given the right kit and bring sensible.

I can also drive an HGV although I don't have a license, part of my job was to move trucks up to 8 wheels round the yard when necessary.

Then we got Train Truckers.
  • Dave has to move the 80 tonne locomotive round this corner without knocking off the bollard at the junction.
  • Dave is late because there was traffic on the M1 and the loco has to be in steam tomorrow
  • Dave needs to take a break because of his tacho and the loco might be late getting to [preserved railway of choice]
  • Etc. etc.

Bugger me, Dave is having a hard time with his fully powered everything, air conditioned cab and the two banksmen with radios and two escort vehicles helping him.

It has a certain comedy appeal, but not enough for me to watch it after half way through the second episode.
 
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bentobox

Old-Salt
There’s a guy who wrote a book about Top Gear (the real one) and who told of how they won a prestigious award for Best Unscripted Show, with the award ceremony to be held in New York.

It was quietly decided that as Script Editor he might not be the best choice to collect it.
I think you're referring to the book "and on that bombshell" by Richard Porter, which is a great read, and touches on the event that got Clarkson hoofed from the BBC.
 
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theoriginalphantom

MIA
Book Reviewer
Ghost hunting programmes.

"We are here in this abandoned hotel/hospital/prison and nothing is showing up on any piece of normal technology, but our ghost analyser just picked up a signal from the beyond.

Ohhh it's suddenly got cold in this damp, unheated 19th century building we are in at night during winter....

I just heard a noise that the sound tech could not catch on mic. Or Dave is in another room and suddenly there is a noise that honestly doesn't at all sound like Dave pretending to be a scooby doo ghost.


...And in conclusion we couldn't confirm or rule out paranormal activity
 
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In contrast to that the Ed Stafford stuff is excellent. You know it’s genuine when he has to call it in and get extracted before completing his mission, because otherwise he’s going to die.

The same with the Steve Backshall, exploring places on earth that haven’t been explored. I find that amazing in this day and age.

The only problem is that it’s hidden away on crappy back channels.
Ed Stafford's stuff looks genuinely perilous.

There's a couple of rip off US shows as well. I forget the name of the first, a 'native survivalist expert' (which seems to be based on the fact he wears a bandana & barefoot) and 'this army geezer'. It's OK, but reminds me of an infomercial more than anything else.

Second one is 'Naked and Afraid'. Crappy title, crappy show. Like Eastenders in a field. Whiney, shouty, sulky. The only instructive thing is how spoilt brattish 'experts' can bee.
They get to take 3 things with them. (Shame 400 paracetamol and the Mess Webley aren't included)
 
Bugger me, Dave is having a hard time with his fully powered everything, air conditioned cab and the two banksmen with radios and two escort vehicles helping him.

Don’t forget the trailer that can be steered.

Is this the same one where one of the drivers is Sgt Maj? Faaaaaaaaaaack offffffff the cünts.
 

theoriginalphantom

MIA
Book Reviewer
Josh Gates in "expedition unknown" is brilliantly rubbish. He often gives the camera a weird look when he knows we will all be sniggering..

Show starts with Josh in his clearly fake Victorian gentlemen explorers study..

He goes off somewhere with a crew large enough to remake Ben Hur, always buys a hat locally.

Investigates local mystery (big foot, aliens etc) and interviews local eyewitnesses. One of them must always look, and sound, like they are on day release. Bonus points if he/she has an IQ measurable in short planks.

There is usually an excuse to go diving and he "finds" something vague and pointless.

At the end it's still a mystery
 
Ghost hunting programmes.

"We are here in this abandoned hotel/hospital/prison and nothing is showing up on any piece of normal technology, but our ghost analyser just picked up a signal from the beyond.

Ohhh it's suddenly got cold in this damp, unheated 19th century building we are in at night during winter....

I just heard a noise that the sound tech could catch on mic. Or Dave is in another room and suddenly there is a noise that honestly doesn't at all sound like Dave pretending to be a scooby doo ghost.


...And in conclusion we couldn't confirm or rule out paranormal activity
My mates have a Dyson fan with some kind of 'pollution detector' on it, you get an amber or red LED if there's 'pollution' about or something.
I kid you not, it goes off if you fart on it. I think it's exactly one of those that is the 'ghost detector'
 

Awol

LE
I think you're referring to the book "and on that bombshell" by Richard Perter, which is a great read, and touches on the event that got Clarkson hoofed from the BBC.
Porter, not Perter, but yes, that’s the badger. Agreed a great read, or in my case, listen (audiobook).

I still hold that the Clarkson Top Gears were the best tv that I’ve ever watched. Every single episode (and there must have been hundreds) was watchable. Another thing I liked was that they never tried to pretend there was no camera crew and production team present.

They happily included them in the shot or called on them to dig them out of the mud in Central Africa when all else failed (and they were encrusted with wet mud from head to toe).

According to Porter, the international crew numbered about thirty, plus local gofers etc. They never tried to hide this level of back up and I liked that level of honesty, incredibly rare on a modern tv programme.

It was a thousand to one chance that Clarkson, May and Hammond gelled as they did. Just think of the number of people the BBC must have interviewed to recreate the show, and they still got it wrong three times.
 
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