Contrived TV Programmes.

colinmc400

War Hero
The one that grips my shite, is that Great British Bake off extra time and that throbber Tim Allen. i cannot believe no-one has punched him out yet.
 
I generally record the Car renovation style shows so I can whiz though the cringe worthy bits. Especially the Mike Brewer slaps, hugs and bartering. I’d nut the bloke if he slapped my hand like that.
 
The premise was that the amateur mechanic wouldn't pay labour costs, but do it themselves.
It always intrigued me to see Ed China give one little squirt of wd40 and the most obstinate nut just cracks and spins off .
Whereas in my world it is usually half a can followed by turning it red with oxyacetelene then beating it with a 2lb engineers hammer with plenty of " shift you bastard type of utterances.
 

syrup

LE
"I've just bought myself a ..."
Yep, he does do the Cockney ****** stuff a bit much.
"Hold out yer 'and"..


Same as Combat dealers

How do they do business they constant seem to be ripping off their "network" of mates and fellow dealers / mechanics.

Ow much for this then?
Couldn't let it go for less then £5K
Bit steep for me old son I was thinking more £25.
Oh all right meet me at £30
Old out yerr 'and.

5 Minutes later
That was a right touch me old two and eight I paid £30 I've already got a right diamond geezer who'll give me £10K and some Jellied eel for me trouble's.

5 Minutes later
Allo mate I ear you've only one of 5 working Tiger Tanks in the world for sale
Ow much? a bit steep for me mate ow about £100 and I take it off yer ands?
Lurvvly be round in the morning fancy throwing that Spitfire in for an extra tenner you know it makes sense me old fruit and nut.
 
Same as Combat dealers

How do they do business they constant seem to be ripping off their "network" of mates and fellow dealers / mechanics.

Ow much for this then?
Couldn't let it go for less then £5K
Bit steep for me old son I was thinking more £25.
Oh all right meet me at £30
Old out yerr 'and.

5 Minutes later
That was a right touch me old two and eight I paid £30 I've already got a right diamond geezer who'll give me £10K and some Jellied eel for me trouble's.

5 Minutes later
Allo mate I ear you've only one of 5 working Tiger Tanks in the world for sale
Ow much? a bit steep for me mate ow about £100 and I take it off yer ands?
Lurvvly be round in the morning fancy throwing that Spitfire in for an extra tenner you know it makes sense me old fruit and nut.
You know that professional wrestling? Well, they have a script and rehearsals too! l)
 
It always intrigued me to see Ed China give one little squirt of wd40 and the most obstinate nut just cracks and spins off .
Whereas in my world it is usually half a can followed by turning it red with oxyacetelene then beating it with a 2lb engineers hammer with plenty of " shift you bastard type of utterances.

You never tried applying the longest breaker bar you can find and smacking shit out of the end of that?
 
It always intrigued me to see Ed China give one little squirt of wd40 and the most obstinate nut just cracks and spins off .
Whereas in my world it is usually half a can followed by turning it red with oxyacetelene then beating it with a 2lb engineers hammer with plenty of " shift you bastard type of utterances.

Or, indeed make. A six foot prybar should make it easier, if you've got the room.
 
You never tried applying the longest breaker bar you can find and smacking shit out of the end of that?
Some of the guys at the fire station buggered up a 6ft prybar trying to remove a flat tyre of one of the trucks. It was at the point where one of them was bouncing on the end of it.

Turns out the threads on the stud were reversed.
 
Last edited:

TamH70

MIA
Some of the guys at the fire station buggered up a prybar trying to remove a flat tyre of one of the trucks. It was at the point where one of them was bouncing on the end of it.

Turns out the threads on the stud were reversed.
Bike chain wheel bolts are like that. Don't ask me how l know that.
 

syrup

LE
The premise was that the amateur mechanic wouldn't pay labour costs, but do it themselves.

Got to love Ed and the others being amateur mechanics.

Ed : It's far easier to do this bit by lifting the car off the ground on the hydraulic ramps

Me: I best get some bricks in

Ed: I'll use this diagnostic kit to tune the engine when the lines meet that's it perfectly tuned.

Me: I'll turn this screw to the right and see how the carbs sound
 

Awol

LE
It always intrigued me to see Ed China give one little squirt of wd40 and the most obstinate nut just cracks and spins off .
Whereas in my world it is usually half a can followed by turning it red with oxyacetelene then beating it with a 2lb engineers hammer with plenty of " shift you bastard type of utterances.
Ah, yes, the Hayne’s Manual classic line....

“Loosen and Remove....”

Yes you fückers, I’m sure that it was possible to gently nudge out the swinging arm spindle “with a soft headed hammer” on the brand, spanking new, zero mileage bikes Haynes were given to play with, but to the mechanic a decade later, even with MASSIVE heat and seriously lumpy lump hammers it was simply impossible.

In more than one case I had to saw the swinging arm into pieces to get it off. Including on one occasion (weep) a Z650.

The bâstards.
 

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