Constipation

cait said:
God Send? 8O

It took me two days to shift the squater that had taken up residence in my colon and my hoop was left feeling like a battered blood orange.

I did well up with a little pride though... it took serveral flushes to shift the monster :D
Sunday morning, in the U-bend, you could see him arrive,
He was nine inches long and two inches wide,
Kind of broad in the centre, narrow in the tip,
Bobbing in the bowl like a brown battleship,

He emerged from the bowels of Lady Cait,
With a fair bit of grunting' and a whole lot of pain.
He squeezed through her cheeks with fire and ash,
And into the bowl with one hell of a splash.

Well, he started his life the day before,
As a nice, juicy rumpsteak that was medium raw.
Marmite potatoes and vegetables hung him long,
And two hot cross buns made him awfully strong.

Six glasses of wine lubricated his wake,
With some added propulsion from a chocolate cake,
And the big, lumpy midriff that bumped in the bowl,
Was the seed from a kiwiwfruit she'd swallowed whole.

It took fourteen flushes to send him away,
But the skid-marks he left clung on ten days.
This wasn't the end of his journey south,
He collected eight tampons and one dead mouse.

This was Just the beginning of something' more,
There were curried prawns buried deep in his core,
They brewed that gas they run engines from,
And this floating log became an atom bomb!

Well, he snuck through a valve at the treatment shed,
Where he lurked in the chemicals 'till they ate his head,
Then with a rush of gas and an almighty bang,
The whole plant went up, and the fat lady sang.

Well, there wasn't a lot left of the site,
it was levelled to the ground by brown dynamite,
So they engraved a plaque, and upon it was writ:
"At the bottom of this sewer, lies a big, growling shit...


:lol:
 

Topper

Old-Salt
Ozgerbobble said:
cait said:
God Send? 8O

It took me two days to shift the squater that had taken up residence in my colon and my hoop was left feeling like a battered blood orange.

I did well up with a little pride though... it took serveral flushes to shift the monster :D
Sunday morning, in the U-bend, you could see him arrive,
He was nine inches long and two inches wide,
Kind of broad in the centre, narrow in the tip,
Bobbing in the bowl like a brown battleship,

He emerged from the bowels of Lady Cait,
With a fair bit of grunting' and a whole lot of pain.
He squeezed through her cheeks with fire and ash,
And into the bowl with one hell of a splash.

Well, he started his life the day before,
As a nice, juicy rumpsteak that was medium raw.
Marmite potatoes and vegetables hung him long,
And two hot cross buns made him awfully strong.

Six glasses of wine lubricated his wake,
With some added propulsion from a chocolate cake,
And the big, lumpy midriff that bumped in the bowl,
Was the seed from a kiwiwfruit she'd swallowed whole.

It took fourteen flushes to send him away,
But the skid-marks he left clung on ten days.
This wasn't the end of his journey south,
He collected eight tampons and one dead mouse.

This was Just the beginning of something' more,
There were curried prawns buried deep in his core,
They brewed that gas they run engines from,
And this floating log became an atom bomb!

Well, he snuck through a valve at the treatment shed,
Where he lurked in the chemicals 'till they ate his head,
Then with a rush of gas and an almighty bang,
The whole plant went up, and the fat lady sang.

Well, there wasn't a lot left of the site,
it was levelled to the ground by brown dynamite,
So they engraved a plaque, and upon it was writ:
"At the bottom of this sewer, lies a big, growling s***...

Fantastic, and a well deserved tribute to the mighty Stan Ridgeway! (brings a tear to my eye) :D


:lol:
 
I can see a new series for channel four out of this , along the lines of "war walks" , but instead Professor Richard Holmes tours Europe , visiting the sites where convoy and MDN have surface laid , running us through the action from the first twinges of panic , until shaking like a sh*tting dog , the climax of the action unfolds in front of your eyes , and the site of the "big push" is examined in some detail.

i was thinking of calling it "War - face walks" :D

any other suggestions?
 
shortfuse said:
I can see a new series for channel four out of this , along the lines of "war walks" , but instead Professor Richard Holmes tours Europe , visiting the sites where convoy and MDN have surface laid , running us through the action from the first twinges of panic , until shaking like a sh*tting dog , the climax of the action unfolds in front of your eyes , and the site of the "big push" is examined in some detail.

i was thinking of calling it "War - face walks" :D

any other suggestions?
To get the audience involved, they could show an eartha and then have everyone vote on who they thought it came from.
 
RTFQ said:
Beautiful Oz.

Should we refer to a Lady's sh1t as he or she?
I think the admission policy to Caits back doors are pretty strict so probably Men Only..........unless you possess a chenille bobble hat shoulder length vets gloves, a leather apron, and a industrial size tub of swarfega in which case its a party in her back doors to which you are all no doubt invited to explore her lower colon in a way reminiscent of a visit to the national mining musuem :lol:

personally I prefer to think of them as otters that need releasing into the wild :wink:
 

Cait

LE
Ozgerbobble said:
unless you possess a chenille bobble hat shoulder length vets gloves, a leather apron, and a industrial size tub of swarfega in which case its a party in her back doors
Oz please refrain from pimping out my fritter :D

But could you do me a favour... stand and recite that little ditty for me as i curl one out?
 
Poetry is fine (no - superb), but shouldn't it be set to music?.

The Beeb hinks it has problems with 'Jerry Springer - the Musical', but could they get away with BAOR's finest singing away whilst performing colonic E & E?.

Pehaps numbers like the music-hall perennial "I'm Richard the Third I am", top-ten hits like 'crapping all over the world' (for the Queen), 'I could have shat all night", or antything from 'the Ring and I'.
 
cait said:
Ozgerbobble said:
unless you possess a chenille bobble hat shoulder length vets gloves, a leather apron, and a industrial size tub of swarfega in which case its a party in her back doors
Oz please refrain from pimping out my fritter :D

But could you do me a favour... stand and recite that little ditty for me as i curl one out?
10% of the days takings and thats my final offer

I will with pleasure recite it while you release the otter. The S10 respirator might damage the pronunciation though :lol:
 
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