Constipation

#1
It's no good. I just can't go!

I have been backed up for days now and am getting slightly worried.

Have tried everything, drinking water, eating bran flakes and even bloody prunes - nothing works.

Was on the throne last night trying with all my might, getting red faced and having to adopt the forward assist movement, which only served to pop out a few revels.

What am I going to do? Any examples of your experiences and how you overcame the case of the unshiftable shi.t??
 
#2
Hosepipe, funnel & some fairy liquid washed down with some lukewarm water. Let that swill around for a bit & soften it up, then open the bomb bay doors.
 
#4
essexbob said:
a good f*ck will loosen it up
& manfat is a great lubricant :D
 
#6
Moodybitch said:
stoatman said:
essexbob said:
a good f*ck will loosen it up
& manfat is a great lubricant :D
I asked for examples of your experiences...are you two trying to tell us something?
Yeah, the missus is sometimes constipated :lol: 8)
 
#7
Might I recommend the Pathology approach to constipation. Visit your nearest hospital pathology department, ask for an agar plate with some Shigella on it. Like said plate and hey, 24 hours later no constipation and a weight loss of 10 kgs over 7 days 8O
 
#8
Moodybitch said:
It's no good. I just can't go!

I have been backed up for days now and am getting slightly worried.

Have tried everything, drinking water, eating bran flakes and even bloody prunes - nothing works.

Was on the throne last night trying with all my might, getting red faced and having to adopt the forward assist movement, which only served to pop out a few revels.

What am I going to do? Any examples of your experiences and how you overcame the case of the unshiftable shi.t??
Getting minging and eating a dodgy kebab will sort you out. :wink:
 
#11
Wife also swears by senna (e.g. senakot)
 
#13
phoned female medic mate for advice.

drink warm water with slice of lemon in it, then go for a run, on return home get rampant rabbit 3 or 4 orgasms later bowel will shift, if not it will have taken you mind off the discomfort :D
 
#14
no - "this fcuking senna gives me the sh1ts"
to which I reply: "make your fcuking mind up which is worse then!"
 
#16
I bought a pack of "Sugar free Cola Bottles" like the cola bottle sweets but - ahem - without sugar.

Happily ate them over the course of an hour at work.

Two hours later - gurgle gurgle

SWOOSH!

Sorbitol is the sweetener used and has two definitions:

"Sorbitol is a hyperosmotic laxative used to treat constipation. "

and

"Sorbitol is a bulk sweetner with good taste and reduced calories. It does not promote tooth decay. Sorbitol is suitable for a variety of products reduced in calories, sugar or fat and has been safely used for almost half a century."

This stuff is deadly
 
#17
Phenolpthalein (sp) .. it's an indicator used in chemisrty lessons. One or two drops in a pint of water should produce instant effect. Have a glass of clean water or two to prevent dehydration. Used to be used to clear constipation, although was administered whilst patient was on the toilet.
 
#18
Operator said:
Phenolpthalein (sp) .. it's an indicator used in chemisrty lessons. One or two drops in a pint of water should produce instant effect. Have a glass of clean water or two to prevent dehydration. Used to be used to clear constipation, although was administered whilst patient was on the toilet.
There's also the air hostess trick of putting a couple of drops of eye wash (eg optrex) in a glass of water. Brings on the squits apparently. They also give great blowies do air hostesses, but that probably doesn't help you much MB.
 
#19
Moodybitch said:
It's no good. I just can't go!

I have been backed up for days now and am getting slightly worried.

Have tried everything, drinking water, eating bran flakes and even bloody prunes - nothing works.

Was on the throne last night trying with all my might, getting red faced and having to adopt the forward assist movement, which only served to pop out a few revels.

What am I going to do? Any examples of your experiences and how you overcame the case of the unshiftable shi.t??
eat four dozen hard boiled eggs. that'll do it :wink:
 
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