Constipation

Discussion in 'The NAAFI Bar' started by Moodybitch, Apr 26, 2005.

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  1. It's no good. I just can't go!

    I have been backed up for days now and am getting slightly worried.

    Have tried everything, drinking water, eating bran flakes and even bloody prunes - nothing works.

    Was on the throne last night trying with all my might, getting red faced and having to adopt the forward assist movement, which only served to pop out a few revels.

    What am I going to do? Any examples of your experiences and how you overcame the case of the unshiftable shi.t??
     
  2. Hosepipe, funnel & some fairy liquid washed down with some lukewarm water. Let that swill around for a bit & soften it up, then open the bomb bay doors.
     
  3. a good f*ck will loosen it up
     
  4. & manfat is a great lubricant :D
     
  5. I asked for examples of your experiences...are you two trying to tell us something?
     
  6. Yeah, the missus is sometimes constipated :lol: 8)
     
  7. Might I recommend the Pathology approach to constipation. Visit your nearest hospital pathology department, ask for an agar plate with some Shigella on it. Like said plate and hey, 24 hours later no constipation and a weight loss of 10 kgs over 7 days 8O
     
  8. Getting minging and eating a dodgy kebab will sort you out. :wink:
     
  9. Squat, it gives more leverage, or a better pushing position, or something.
    Mind and put the seat up first though, or you'll break the bugger.
     
  10. No way - its a fcuking kebab that must have caused this - I havent been able to go since I ate one a few nights back!
     
  11. Wife also swears by senna (e.g. senakot)
     
  12. What does she say "This fcuking senakot doesnt work"?! 8O
     
  13. phoned female medic mate for advice.

    drink warm water with slice of lemon in it, then go for a run, on return home get rampant rabbit 3 or 4 orgasms later bowel will shift, if not it will have taken you mind off the discomfort :D
     
  14. no - "this fcuking senna gives me the sh1ts"
    to which I reply: "make your fcuking mind up which is worse then!"
     
  15. RTFQ

    RTFQ RIP

    5 x Caffreys, 5 x Guinness, a run and a curry. Failing that play chicken with a train, bowels will shift pdq