Conservative v Socialist

Discussion in 'Miscellaneous Jokes' started by xmaninblack, Oct 27, 2011.

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  1. A young woman was about to finish her first year of college.

    Like so many others her age, she considered herself to be very liberal, and among other left wing ideals, was very much in favour of higher taxes to support more government programs, in other words redistribution of wealth.

    She was deeply ashamed that her father was a rather staunch conservative, a feeling she openly expressed.

    Based on the lectures that she had participated in, and the occasional chat with a left wing professor (aren’t they all), she felt that her father had for years harboured an evil, selfish desire to keep what he thought should be his.

    One day she was challenging her father on his opposition to higher taxes on the rich and the need for more government programs.

    The self-professed objectivity proclaimed by her left wing professors had to be the truth and she indicated so to her father. He responded by asking how she was doing in school.

    Taken aback, she answered rather haughtily that she had a 60% average, and let him know that it was tough to maintain, insisting that she was taking a very difficult course load and was constantly studying, which left her no time to go out and party like other people she knew. She didn't even have time for a boyfriend, and didn't really have many college friends because she spent all her time studying.

    Her father listened and then asked, "How is your friend Audrey doing?"
    She replied, "Audrey is barely getting by. All she takes are easy classes, she never studies and she barely has a 40% average. College for her is a blast.
    She's always invited to all the parties and lots of times she doesn't even show up for classes because she's too hung over."

    Her wise father asked his daughter, "Why don't you go to the Dean's office and ask him to deduct 10% off your average and give it to your friend who only has 40%. That way you will both have 50% and certainly that would be a fair and equal distribution."

    The daughter, visibly shocked by her father's suggestion, angrily fired back, "That's a crazy idea, how would that be fair! I've worked really hard for my grades! I've invested a lot of time, and a lot of hard work!
    Audrey has done next to nothing toward her degree. She played while I worked my tail off!"

    The father slowly smiled, winked and said gently, "Welcome to the conservative side of the fence."

    If you ever wondered what side of the fence you sit on, here are some revealing truths!

    If a conservative doesn't like guns, he doesn't buy one.
    If a left winger doesn't like guns, he wants all guns banned.

    If a conservative is a vegetarian, he doesn't eat meat.
    If a leftie is a vegetarian, he wants all meat products banned for everyone.

    If a conservative is down-and-out, he thinks about how to better his situation.
    A left winger wonders who is going to take care of him.

    If a conservative doesn't like a talk show host, he switches channels.
    Left wingers demands that those they don't like, be shut down.

    If a conservative is a non-believer, he doesn't go to church.
    A left wing non-believer wants any mention of God and religion silenced.

    If a conservative decides he needs health care, he goes about shopping for it, or may choose a job that provides it.
    A left winger demands that the rest of us pay for his.

    If a conservative reads this, he'll forward it so his friends can have a good laugh.
    A left winger will delete it because he's "offended."
    • Like Like x 8
  2. You are Tony Blair and I claim my half price can of special brew.
    My neighbours are staunch socialists, despite living in a £600k+ house in Kent. Sitting round their kitchen table on tuesday Mrs Socialist who is fom Ireland and so wants to be Labour MP ( I don't know why she doesnt run to be an MP in the emerald isle). She was very happy D Cameron had been slapped down by some creepy french guy. I retorted with "but they take our cash, surely he/UK has a right to an opinion if we're shovelling dosh euro side"
    She had no answer for that, but claimed that being in the EU had kept us out of another war, "May be true but we have'nt fought a war with Japan either"
    Discussion carried on even with me having been in the boozer I was still able to best her on all her points.
    Then came the usual default rant from Labour "Its all the bankers fault"
    But the bankers didn't hire tens of thousands of civil servants or sign us up to two unwinnable wars, or strap our schools and hospitals up to decades of PFI finance, or flog off our gold or tax my pension pot, uncontroled immigration etc.
    Yet him/her are adam ant Labour be returned to power very soon, and will rescue the country/world.
    I know they are wrong I read the Daily Mail.
    • Like Like x 1
  3. Apart from the healthcare I don't agree with any of them, talking out of your arse then aren't you?
  4. I'm a conservative and this pish makes my fucking toes curl.
  5. Also the OP said "HE" that's just plain sexist, burn the cunt at the Court of Human Rights!
  6. HE is a cracking way of dealing with whining fucking lefties, what's the problem there?

    The only thing I hate more than a leftie is the sort of greedy, soulless, dead-eyed cunt who makes it look like the lefties have a point. Those I would not blow up. I would hang them and display their tarred corpses in public for all to revile.

    Starting with Blair.
  7. you forgot

    "if a conservative doesnt like anal child rape, he does not partake,
    if a leftwinger doesnt like anal child rape he bans it"

    this type of political morals in a box is total bollox and never holds out if you question it too closely.. or follow it to its logical ending
    its from America, land of the free, and is designed for the sole intent of their "socialization of healthcare " issues at the moment.
    Spot the real agenda at number 6 on the list.

    and another thing, how the hell can a student "give" 10% of their grades to their mate ?? how does that work ? how could you give your
    mate "some "of your grades ??? total nonsense. I might as well give the readers of arrse some of my "health".

  8. Why thank you, can I have your liver. Mine is feeling the pace a bit.
  9. who writes this pish? it's cringeworthy.
  10. You could have mine but you would probably be worse off. :)
  11. I wont forward it cos its a load of shite
    • Like Like x 1
  12. Thanks for the offer, might take you up on it after the weekend, as I feel mine is in for a bit of punishment.
  13. Why the cunt is this under jokes?

    It's just a piss-weak political metaphor.
  14. You must be a lefty, conservatives never complain, I read that in a chain email so I live by it.
    • Like Like x 1
  15. communist!!!! Burn him, burn him