Afrernoon chaps, I hear through the grapevine that we are to deploy more U.N troops to join 17,000 presently in the Belgian Congo. Mr C. Eye Ayeâcoup Kabila is indeed a steady, industrious Fellow, (compared to Western stooge Mobutu,) although a less stable option due to his fundraising techniques, of which I refer to presentlyâ¦... Mr Mugabe, having turned the peanut farmer Jimmy Carter away from border control yesterday, is diverting Zimbabwean food dollars & 10,000 troops currently training for deployment into Eastern Congo. They join 3,000 number presently fighting around The Great Lakes area. Soldiers of the Democratic Front for the Liberation of Rwanda, who have set up home in Kinshasa, have also been seen, chomping at the bit, and no doubt itching to cross into Rwanda and stage a re-match, latest score 800,000 tutsis for 100,000 Hutus. Angola & Namibia, so as not to feel like a wallflowers, have also deployed at present, an unknown number of troops are involved, a team of Uruguayan peacekeepers spied these little monkeys, sneaking about in the bush. The rebel army âledâ by Mr Laurant Nkunda's snappily titled âNational Congress for the Defence of the Peopleâ are not immune from corruption, as they rape wrest and beat their way from one stronghold to the next. Predictable then, that following a recent clash between rebels and government troops near the settlement of Kabasha, Colonel Dietrich, UN spokesman, said the exchange of fire lasted for about 10 minutes (for 120 lives,) and it is still "not clear who started it"! Why such interest in the D.R.C ? Well, Mr Kabila simply enjoys allowing people he hates, access to lucrative diamond and copper mines, the funds from which, are not for use in poverty eradication, but to keep his fleet of Benz cars up to date. A little darling based in Mayfair told me that Kabila recently acquired two rather snazzy Maybach Maclaren 62âs, possibly, containing titanium in the armour plating robbed from his own countryâs mines ? The detail that worries me, is that dirty money pours into European banks and into the D.R.C, but it is very difficult to discern exactly whence this lolly comesâ¦. What is it buying ? Well, Congo has a lovely drop of uranium, if it has anything, itâs tip-top uranium. Uranium used in the Manhattan Project & the warheads for both the Nagasaki & Hiroshima weapons were dug from Congoâs red soil, & by God, they went off with an ear splitting bang. Many of the earths cranks need uranium, some good folk require it for power generation, some for medicine but some for weapons production. The yellow man is pouring into Africa, especially Kinshasa, they simply canât believe the ease of access ! Simply knock on the door and in you go.. easy, the Chinese are Africaâs new colonists, and mark my words, if the Africans thought we were hard masters, my god theyâre in for a nasty shock. Once Hoo Flung Dung gets his little yellow claws into them, brrrrrâ¦ it makes one shiver just contemplating it. N. Korea, well they certainly supply training for D.R.Câs troops, theyâve been seen crossing and re crossing the borders. Asians are certainly trading with Congo, networks in Pakistan were recently selling, or trading centrifuge blueprints. India, hmmâ¦ possible, their rocket technology is pretty good. No, the Middle East is the place; they love a quality dram of the old 235-U. The Congo has an overseer for such matters, 'LâEnergie Atomique', they operate in harness with some Western mining conglomerates. They do their best to educate at village level, you know the sort of thing, hanging up a white-board and saying âif you see a lump of sulphur which glows like a Kukubu grub, then forsake itâ¦ walk away, practice restraint and donât drop it in your pocket you naughty manâ, that sort of thing. The villagers are sneaking into the mines under cover of darkness you see, according to The Security Council, one mine, The Shinkolobne, often attracts 20,000 sneaky midnight miners, the buggers have even carried oxy-acetylene cutting equipment through the bush, and cut access holes through the welded steel lids covering the shaft entrances !! I suppose it must be worth it ? Financially I mean. They make the return journey with hessian sacks filled with yellow-cake rich ore, this is then smelted, sometimes en-bush, more often smuggled out by greasy Levantines wearing knock-off Airey & Wheeler suits, it makes its way to Uzbekistan or to the Kazaks. Can we rely on U.N troops to cover this security burden, I think not. Which brings me neatly to the culmination of matters nuclearâ¦ And a question posed to you good folk at A.R.R.S.E, for which Iâm sure YOU know the only correct answer. This is, do we wait for, and pay for U.N troops to stop the killing and maiming before we reappoint their duties to protecting these minesâ¦? Or do we employ a P.M.C to oversee and execute the work for us ? Plucking a name from the airâ¦ 'LIFEGUARD' the latter incarnation of 'Executive Outcomes' would surely be an excellent choice, they are able to oversee security, as luck has it, they specialise in just this field, and, have the added bonus of huge mining experience. They are a man down, a good man, but continue to function with ruthless efficiency. I know many chaps have little time for Mr ****** but I can vouch for his business ability, which I rate very highly. Shame on this filthy government for allowing Simon Mann and his brave men, to rot in Zimbabweâs Chikurubi Prison, amongst rapists and, âplayers of the pink oboeâ. The psychopathic Stalinesque commandant of this ruthless shithole has vowed publicly, that he will drag Mann into the prison square and personally rape him in front of his men, and probably has. These vile conditions, for month after month of filth, pain & abuse, the men withstand with Cathaginian fortitude. Amnesty International has never before recorded such indifference displayed by governments, both in South Africa & the U.K. We cannot expect this despicable Labour regime to lift even a finger to help these men, I suppose, Old Etonian - Scots Guards â The Regiment, smacks of the establishment and tradition, comprehensively despised by NuLabour & the B.B.C Nancy-boys, for whom the relentless search for extra virgin olive oil and fresh coffee is of more concern. Probably used for buttering-up each otherâs members, the filthy swine. Mannâs experience with the Angola Head-hunters forged many friendships throughout Southern Africa, surely someone, has an idea, a scintilla of humanity. Surely one civilized government will intervene, even at this late stage, and restore just a little hope of redemption to all concerned with justice. Sal'ah, Buckingham.