Confessions.....

Discussion in 'The NAAFI Bar' started by Smudgerinsurrey, Feb 25, 2010.

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  1. In honour of Dolly's diary thread, which has to be one of the funniest things I've read this year.... lets have some diary/confessional moments of our own.... I'll start:

    A bi lass who was mates with my younger sister came in the pub I was working in at the time and admitted to having a "thing" for me... she was 18, I was 26... I was talking to my female boss about it and I think I said something along the lines of "How do you let someone down gently and get them to realise they're mates with your younger sister, too young for you and it aint going to happen...."

    Next thing I know, it's after closing, boss couldnt get rid of the rest of the staff, quick enough, jumped me in the bar, we had blistering hot sex all over the place, including on the pool table....

    Only problem was in the heat of passion we forgot we'd left the cctv on....bet that impressed the other manager in the morning....

    And that was my introduction to rug munching... I havent looked back since!!!
     
  2. post the tape on here,we can evaluate your performance.
     
  3. It wouldnt be that interesting... I was steaming!!!!!!!! nice avatar by the way.... looks like the playoffs may be beckoning!!
     
  4. I grassed my first father in law up to the benefits fraud line. He had a stroke when they came a knocking.

    Feel guilty? Whats that then?
     
  5. Banker

    Banker On ROPs

    Class, seriously.........
     
  6. Nothing wrong with a damp steaming girl...... :p
     
  7. The other day, there I was on another thread when smut and innuendo was alluded to with the O.P., but I pointed out we weren't in Naafi and Current Affairs wasn't the place to post. You've just made my evening by putting this up.....
     
  8. always happy to oblige... and that is actually a true story... the bit I left out was the ex boss was a minging 40 year old alcoholic.... but had my snakebite goggles on at the time, so wasnt too fussed...... the "affair" went on sneakiing around for about 6 months, before fizzling out and I moved on to a married woman... but thats one for another day.....
     
  9. Oh, ok then, when I applied to join the army the fool in the office didn't realise my potential and rejected me.
    My drastically fallen arches, limp (due to a congenital birth defect in my right hip), hunch back (more an enhanced stoop, really) and noticable astigmatism (only in my right eye) should not have been a barrier to a full career in the SAS.

    My record in the cadets should have been enough to have me accepted into the infantry, ok starting as a section commander, but hopefully with enhanced promotion prospects, anyway no use crying over spilt milk.

    My life on ARRSE has been completely made up, I'm actually a junior clerk in a corporate accounts firm in Skelmersdale (so I am a Scouser). My seemingly impressive knowledge of things military stem from my cadet time, my collection of Victor, Wizard and Action annuals and my lifetime membership of the Cheshire Regiment Museum in Chester.

    Since my wife left me, apparently because of the enuresis, not the swimming pool incident, which was a misunderstanding and could of happened to anyone, socialising on this Army site has fulfilled me as a man, for which I thank you ALL (except Bugsy, who is a delusional loser).

    Thank you, I feel so much better now, confession is so good for the soul.
     
  10. I am not 6ft 2, I'm a dwarf and can kick myself in the head. :oops:
     

  11. thats if we don,t go into administration first. :(
     

  12. i knew you was a lying barsteward when you mentioned being a scouser!
     
  13. It was me that shagged the NAAFI manageress (the one with the moustache) in FI, 1984. I had second helpings when I got back to UK as she was then at Pirbright.

    She was the bird I shaved (pussy not 'tache) in the duty BDO's bunk in FI and her feathers filled a wastepaper bin. The next morning the Pioneer Corps lad who did general duties for us asked me "whats in the bin, sir" as he was cleaning the ops room. Pubes, I said. Dirty bastard he muttered.

    She used to get me boxes of Hardys red wine the only kind you could get in FI then, for f uck all - I still have a hard spot for her.
     
  14. It wasn't me that shagged the NAAFI manageress (the one with the moustache) in FI, 1984 as some cnut was already shagging her. :)
     
  15. So he could then genuinely claim disability benefit, genius!